Trying to Reason with Pollen Season

When I was a kid, I had food allergies out the…um, ear. I couldn’t eat chocolate, drink orange juice, drink whole milk — being a kid sucked. Then one day, I grew out of them. Hallelujah, pass the Hersheys.

Then at the age of 18, I started to suffer from seasonal allergies. Back then, the best medicines you had to take were basically related to anesthesia drugs. The trees would copulate and I’d walk around in a yellow-crusted fog for three months. And then fall asleep standing up.

For a brief two-year-stint, I moved to San Diego, California. Whatever it is that makes my nose turn into Mt. St. Helens, apparently doesn’t grow out there. I was sneeze-free and it was grand.

Then I moved back here. The yellow-encrusted fog returned.

Highly paid researchers soon came out with what are known as second-generation antihistamines. I could take a Claritin and I’d feel human again — and still have enough energy to function. Unfortunately though, my snot-shields started to weaken. This year Claritin failed me totally. I’m now trying three different options. Hopefully one of them will make pollen season nothing to sneeze at.

P.S. As an added bonus, my food allergies are starting to reappear. But there’s no way I’ll give up chocolate. Oh Hell no. Well, maybe I will mostly. I’m cutting back on sugar, too. Being an adult is hard. I’ve given up about everything but air for Lent. I’d like to give up sneezing. I’ll report back in a few days if I do.

About Marshall Ramsey