Intro to my upcoming book, “Chainsaws & Casseroles.”

It happened even before Hurricane Katrina’s winds stopped blowing: We checked on our neighbors. Got gas (when we could find it) and bought stuff at the store. We then took the stuff to our church or synagogue. And we didn’t just drop it off. We cut our way down Highway 49 to help our neighbors on the Gulf Coast.

When things got bad, we got good.

Sure, that’s terrible grammar. But it’s probably the truest statement I’ve encountered in my nearly 20 years of living in Mississippi. When the proverbial poop hits the fan, we rise to the occasion ¬– and get busy helping those in need.

This book is born from that spirit. It’s a collection of essays, short stories and cartoons I’ve created over the past few years. If there’s a golden thread that runs through its pages, it’s overcoming adversity with humor and grit.

If a tornado hit your house, before you could crawl out of the rubble, a church van would pull up full of people with chainsaws and casseroles.

That’s who we are. That’s what we’re about.

Enjoy.

 

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Fading Towns

Jim Collins reached down and placed a handful of dirt into a jar. He tightly screwed on the lid and wrote the word “home” on a piece of tape.

The brutally hot August sun painted the fields brown. A lone irrigator struggled to keep up with the heat. Like the soil beneath his feet, his old hometown was drying up. First the textile plant went to Mexico. Then the grocery store closed. Now a corporation had bought the hospital and was closing it down.

Like the plants around him, the town was shriveling up and dying.

Jim stepped up in his truck and put a yellowed cassette into the player. Bruce Springsteen’s raspy voice began singing about the death of his hometown. “Funny,” thought Jim, “how did a New Jersey Yankee predict this?”

He passed by his grandparent’s house. It was now burned out and abandoned. He went by his old family home. It, too, was a ruin. He looked down at the job offer.

The truck slowed and Jim’s vision blurred from salt.

A lone man headed north toward Memphis. And a small Delta town faded into the evening.

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SHORT STORY: The Legend of Joe Crabshack

11760252_10155857237575721_7609399874164524303_nEveryone is running from something. Some are just better runners than others.

The Dolphin Breeze Resort’s pink stucco betrayed its age and the fact the resort was past its prime. Nestled squarely in the middle of the Redneck Rivera, the Dolphin Breeze catered to working-class families desperately seeking Jimmy Buffett’s version of paradise. The sand was white. The water was aqua green. And the beer was cold.

It was mid-July and a warm breeze blew in from the Gulf. Joe Crabshack (his stage name — even his alcoholic mother wouldn’t have named him that), carried his amp and trusty Martin guitar out to the pool. It was a solid gig, one that he had had for nearly 25 years. Joe would set up and play Buffett songs as the guests slowly headed off to paradise. The women got younger and the pay smaller. But Joe hung in there. It beat working.

He tuned his Martin and strummed a few chords. A sunburned lady slathered sunscreen on her rather large belly. A bald man’s head reflected the noonday sun. Joe was a master observer. He could tell the guest’s lives just by watching them. The conventioneer trying to pick up the daughter of another conventioneer — he noted the white line on his ring finger. Everyone was running from something, Joe thought. Some are just better runners than others.

He began to play Crosby, Stills and Nash’s Southern Cross. “She’s all that I have left, and music is her name.” Joe smiled to himself. How true that was.

Bob the Bartender (not to be confused with Bob the Builder) poured another beer and looked out at Joe.

“We’ve worked with Joe for over 20 years and I don’t know a damn thing about him.”

Jenny, a new waitress, looked up at the little hut where Joe sang all day. “I was about to ask you about him.”

Carolyn, who had managed the poolside grill since the resort had opened said, “It’s easier to give a cat a pill than to get Joe to talk. He’ll ask you a thousand questions but you ask him one and he just shuts down. But still, there’s something familiar about him.”

Six o’clock rolled around and Joe carefully put his Martin its case. It was a daily ritual for him. He’s pack up and practically evaporate. No one knew where he lived. No one knew anything about Joe.

But Jenny was determined to find out. She sat in her Mustang in the shadow of the resort’s parking garage. She watched Joe pack up his Honda CR-V and turn right onto Beach Highway. She carefully stayed two cars behind him. Seven years as an investigative journalist had taught her to disappear into a crowd.

She was going to find out Joe Crabshack’s secret.

Joe turned right onto Jellyfish Court and drove to the large metal gates. Jenny looked at the huge beach homes. You can’t afford a place like this as a beach singer. Could he be who she thought he was?

The next day, Joe parked his SUV and unloaded his case. And once again he started with Southern Cross.

“And we never failed to fail, it was the easiest thing to do.”

Jenny wanted to tell Bob about what she had seen. But she wasn’t quite ready to blow her cover. She still had a mystery to solve. Who was Joe Crabshack? She carried a burger and fries to a man covered with tattoos and listened to her mystery man sing. This guy was too good for this place. What was he doing here?

She noticed his left arm. The skin was crinkled with the consistency of a pork skin. Burn scars. Joe Crabshack had been burned. But how?

During his break, Jenny walked past Joe and said, “Joe, I can’t help but notice your arm.” She could see him tense up.

“It’s nothing,” he said curtly. His tone said it was something.

“Bob,” Jenny said when she returned to the bar, “How did Joe get burned?” Bob looked over at the singer and shrugged.

“Dunno. He won’t talk about it. Must cause a lot of pain on the inside.”

A middle-aged dad walked over to the hut and requested Joe play a song. The song was “Tropical Breeze,” a song by an up-and-coming singer named Bob Seattle. Joe stopped in the middle of the song he was playing and loudly yelled, “NO, THAT SONG IS CRAP! I’ll NEVER PLAY THAT SONG!!!”

Everyone around the pool looked at Joe and wondered what they just seen.

Jenny knew exactly what had happened.

She pulled out her phone and Googled Bob Seattle. Bob Seattle had just signed a huge record deal with Atlantic Records. He was selling out arenas and was working on his second album. But writer’s block had gripped him. Then there was the car crash. Two bodies were burned beyond recognition. One was his wife. The other was Bob Seattle.

Or was it?

She looked at the young man with the bushy hair and cheesy mustache. Then she went to YouTube and listened to Tropical Breeze. Joe Crabshack was who she was looking for.

Jenny walked up to Joe at the end of the day and approached him. “Joe,” Jenny said, “Or is it Bob?”

Joe turned around quickly and said, “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?”

Jenny went back on her heels and then decided to press forward. “It seems I’m not the only one who has a secret.”

“Look, I don’t know you and I don’t care. But my name is Joe Crabshack, OK?”

“No, you are Bob Seattle and I am going to prove it.”

“And you’re a nosy reporter form Today’s Music Magazine. I’m not the only one who knows how to use Google.”

Both stood a few inches from each other and stared at each other. People who walking by would have thought they were having a lover’s quarrel.

“No, Bob, I am more than that. I’m your daughter. You know, the one who was raised by your sister after my Mom died and you ran away.”

Joe’s knees buckled.

“Uh….um.”

“Don’t worry, Bob, I have plenty to say. Why did you run? Why have you hidden in this flea-bitten resort for so many years?”

“I was scared.” Bob Seattle looked at his feet. The truth, in the form of his daughter, had finally caught up with him.

“Who was that in the car?”

“I was in the car — in the backseat. I caught your mom cheating on me and hid in the backseat. I was punching her boyfriend when the car ran off the road. He was burned beyond recognition. People assumed it was me.” I stumbled home, burned, and scraped together all the cash I had at the house. I left you my royalties and then disappeared into the night. Your aunt knew I was alive. She’s about the only one. She would send me money to live on.

“I’ve looked for you my whole life.”

“And now you’ve found me. Now what?”

“I hate you.”

“You’ll have to do better than that.”

Both stared at each other. Then Jenny began to cry. She fell into the arms of a man she had only dreamed of meeting. A ghost. A minor legend.

“Can you sing? I always dreamed that someday you would sing.”

Jenny could sing. Her voice was quite splendid. But she never wanted to be compared to her father. In fact, no one at her boarding school knew she had a famous father.

“Yes.”

“Then I have an idea.”

Joe Crabshack walked back out to the pool and picked up the mic. “I have one more song to play today. It’s a request — from that man over there. It’s called Tropical Breeze.” The stunned middle-aged man who had previously had his head bitten off just nodded.

Joe then continued, “Except, I want my new friend Jenny to sing along with me.”

The people around the pool stared at the waitress. Who was she again?

Joe picked up his guitar and played the familiar song. His fingers danced up and down the neck of the guitar. A quarter of a century of running evaporated before everyone’s eyes. And as he began the lyrics, a beautiful waitress began to harmonize with him.

Bob Seattle came back to life that day. He stopped running and started living. And while he would remain Joe Crabshack, he gained a daughter.

It was just another day the Dolphin Breeze Resort.

 

 

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Making memories one workout at a time.

It was our last of at least 40 ‘Super Circuit’ stations this morning. (Each station lasted 45 seconds with a 15 second break to get to the next station.) My oldest son was my workout partner.

We shuffled toward the home stands, tossing a big, blue medicine ball back and forth to each other. The wind blew and I could hear the ball smack him as I threw it at him. I can close my eyes and see the determined look on his face. It was 45 seconds I’ll never forget.

You only make memories when you’re truly in the moment.

For 12 weeks, I’ve watched him grow and improve. And it has been more than just physically. On the way home, I asked him if he had achieved his goal.

“Yes, I got in Line 2,” he replied. He started in five. Line 2 is the line that I am in.

“I also learned a goal can’t be achieved without some pain. But you break it into small pieces and focus on each part to get through that pain.”

I was starting to get impressed. I’m 32 years older than him and sometimes I struggle with that one.

“I also learned that when the coach corrects you, you don’t get defensive. You listen, say “yes sir,” and try to do what they are saying.”

I know a lot of grown-ups who fail at that one — me included at times.

His mama sure raised him well.

So after 12 weeks of watching my son workout, I have a lifetime of memories to carry with me. I hope he has a few, too — and that they are good.

I would have given anything to workout with my dad.

 

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How will this place change — me?

This post could refer to about anywhere. I’ve lived in Georgia, Texas, California, Tennessee and Mississippi. All have had great things about them that I’ve loved. And all have severely ticked me off at one time or the other.

Let me ask you a few questions:

Do you ever have days when you get frustrated and say, “This place will never change!!!”? Do you throw up your arms and think, “That’s it, I’m outta here!”? Do you lose hope when you look around and see people you think are idiots? Do you think the political leadership in inept?

Of course you do. Well, unless you think you live in Shangri-La (I know some do). But most likely you’re like the majority of us and you get frustrated. (I read your Facebook posts, I know you do).

Trust me, I do.

But instead of saying, “This place will never change,” I’ve started asking, “How will this place change me?” If for the good, I can become part of the solution. If for the bad, I can continue to complain.

P.S. This also works pretty well for impossible people, too.

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Mastering the Voice of Doubt

11760252_10155857237575721_7609399874164524303_nThis is the last week of the 12-week Paul Lacoste Bootcamp. I work out on the Madison Central football field from 5 until 6 each morning — it’s an intense workout. And I’m easily in the best shape of my life. But today, I faced one of my biggest challenges yet.

As you might of noticed, it’s very hot — even at 5 a.m. My body does not handle heat well (a curse) and my athletic ability has suffered. I’m not going to lie, today’s was difficult. And somewhere along the way, the little voice in my head uttered the two nastiest four-letter words in my vocabulary:

Just Quit.

It happened as we were running up and down the bleachers at the end of the workout. We had already been taken to the woodshed and were tired. I had stumbled and bumbled and felt dizzy. And then I heard it.

“Just quit.”

“NO!” I yelled back to myself. “I WILL NOT JUST QUIT!”

My body raised its hand, “Um, if we walk right now, you can catch your breath.”

“NO. I have come this far.”

I started thinking about how hot it was and how my body wasn’t handling the heat well.

Then I thought, “But I am doing this. And by doing this, I’m getting better and stronger.”

“Just quit.”

I heard it again. I stiffened my resolve and answered, “Hell no.”

Paul Lacoste talks about the Next Level. I’m sure it means many things to my friends who are out there with me. For me, not quitting when things get tough is the next level. It’s learning to master and dominate the little voice in your head. The voice of doubt.

I’ll be back out there tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll hear that voice again. And once again, I’ll tell it to shut the heck up.

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Monday’s show: Creativity!

Mississippi produces some of America’s most creative artists. So I wondered, “What if we could pack my radio studio with a stand-up comedian, an editorial cartoonist, a musician and two authors and get them to talk about their creative process?” Well, tomorrow, that’s exactly what we’ll do. Tune in Monday at 10 a.m. on Mississippi Public Broadcasting​ to hear Rita B. Brent​, Vasti Jackson​, Steve Yates​, Matthew W. Guinn​ join me on what makes them tick creatively.

Click here to find out more. 

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Fit4Change

“I want to do Paul Lacoste training with you.”

My then 14-year-old son had seen me working out and wanted to try it, too. I have to admit, I was a little wary. I had done the bootcamp eight times and knew is was physically tough. I didn’t want him to start something, get frustrated and quit. But one thing I know about my kid, when he sets a goal, his laser-like focus kicks in. And I thought it would be fun for us to have something to together. You know, currency for conversation.

So I wrote the check, signed him up and he joined me on the football field.

That was 11-weeks ago. Not only did he get up at 4:15 four days a week to train (how many teenagers do that?), but I’ve seen him get stronger and faster. I discovered he’s remarkably fast. (I mean scary fast). And I’ve watched his confidence soar.

I cherished the rides too and from Madison Central. We’d discuss the workouts (that currency I was talking about) and what ever came to mind. I watched with pride as he would blow past me running (I am heavier, older and have bad knees after all). I’ve watched him set a goal and achieve it. And I watched as he became healthier.

As a dad, I could not be more proud of him. Now, I need to up my training so I can continue to run with him.

Thanks to Paul Lacoste​, Clark Bruce, Ty Trahan, Coach NASCAR and Neil Woodall for helping him change his life.

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An Ode to Tough Times

I look back at the past five years and honestly believe that everything bad that happened was placed in front of my path to make me better. I’ve faced challenges that have made me question my talent, my abilities, my work ethic, my heart and who I am as a person. In that time, I’ve succeeded — and I’ve failed miserably.

It has been a time of reflection. And anger. I’ve struggled with forgiveness. I’ve learned who my true friends are.

I needed the past five years and the challenges it brought. After my cancer, I sought security. Security is a mirage that can be blown away with the flick of a finger. What I should have been focused on is embracing change. There is nothing more dangerous than a comfort zone. That’s where I planted my flag — and I paid steep price for it.

Build your house on a foundation of stone.

We live in tough times. But tough times require tough people. I now know that I need to put my family first. My wife needs me. My kids need me. Everything else will fall in place. I also need tough personal standards. Hard work and talent are great. But without focus, you get nowhere. So I am working hard on strengthening my will — that’s why I get up at 4 a.m. to crush myself on a football field. I’m relighting the pilot light in my heart. That’s what drives the perseverance required to truly to succeed.

I’m a blessed man. A lucky man. I get to do what I love to do. I have my health and my family loves me. Yes, I have struggles. But we all do. The best way to overcome them is to help others.

So I reject fear. It has crippled me too long. I’m so thankful for the blessing of tough times.

 

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MRBA

These are tough times for many of the members of the MRBA.  Clucky (who has been through a roller coaster ride and is still on one) told me about Stacey’s (FlipFlops) marital problems.  Some have been fighting illnesses. We all have had one thing or another go on. I’ve let this blog go slightly fallow because of my own stuff that has been taking up too much mental energy.  I think it is time to bring it back. I love Facebook. And I love Twitter. But there is nothing better than the comment section on a MRBA blog.  I will post a daily MRBA post.  The bottom line? We need each other more now than ever.

So here you go.

 

What’s up?

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