The Miracle at St. Meridian Church

A trickle of sweat dripped down Franklin G. Spruance’s spine. The steamy summer evening felt like a warm, wet towel wrapped around his body. Mississippi’s oppressive heat was smothering in August; it was something he’d never get used to — like the Devil blowing his breath on your neck.

Born and raised in the Mississippi Delta, Franklin had moved to the Jackson area after Ole Miss law school. Now after 29-year career as one of Jackson’s top lawyers, he had a big salary, bigger house and even bigger stress levels to go with it. He walked to his BMW in the firm’s parking garage and fumbled for his fob. He didn’t see the shadow lurking behind the pillar, creeping between the cars.

Pain struck him like lightning.

Spruance gasped for air. His body hit the concrete parking deck; he was unable to cry out for help. Flopping painfully, his mouth opened and closed like a catfish dying on a dock. His vision turned to white and then went dark. The shadow stood over him and then moved on.

“Pity,” the figure thought as it faded into the shadows.

Deep in the middle of the Mississippi Delta sat a small, vine-covered stone church. Designed by Frank Wills, an English-born New York architect (who planned many Gothic Revival style churches for Episcopal congregations,) St. Meridian was hidden in a thicket of oaks and vine. Sprouting from the seeds of evil — its very structure was built by the Hell of slavery. Yet it had also served as a focal point of Heaven. In the 1960’s it served as a safe house during the Civil Rights movement. St. Meridian was like the the inter-Korean Peace House in the DMZ. It was the one place on Earth where Heaven and Hell could meet on neutral ground.

It was house of God built by an institution created by the Devil himself.

A lone figure shuffled down the dirt and gravel road. The setting sun backlit the man, obscuring his face as he approached St. Meridian. Dust had turned the sky orange. August’s heat had burned the vegetation. The world around the church looked like it had been painted with a palette filled with hues of brown. The man brushed the dust off his shoes and knocked on the faded red door.

It swung open on its own.

At the far end of the nave, near the alter, sat two men sitting at a cheap card table. One, with a short haircut, wore a black suit. The other, long-haired and wearing white, picked up his rook and moved it with confidence.

“Check.”

The man in black shook his piece and used his queen to take out the rook.

“After all this time, that’s the best you have,” the man in black taunted. Both stopped their game and looked at the visitor.

Both smiled and said in unison, “Welcome Spruance, we have been expecting you.”

Franklin Geoffrey Spruance was born on January 13, 1968 to Frank and Martha Spruance. Frank was salesman. Martha a teacher. Both valued education and knew their little boy would achieve great things. From the street, 193 Maple Street looked like a happy, normal household. Frank volunteered at the school and as a little league coach. Martha donated time at the local soup kitchen. But every house has its secrets. And the Spruance household was a house with a secret. Martha Spruance struggled with untreated mental illness. One minute, she could be a loving mother and wife — they next, she was abusive and cruel. Poor Franklin spend his childhood walking on eggshells, trying to guess which version of his mother he’d face when he came home from school.

Martha Caylor Spruance was an only child who grew up in a wealthy family in Memphis. Her mother, a victims of child abuse herself, ignored Martha when she was young. It was multi-generational trauma — like the Devil himself had passed the torch down through the family tree. Young Franklin carried that piece of the Devil with him.

“Let me guess,” Franklin said looking at the two men,”You, the one in the black suit, are the Devil and you, the one in white, are God.”

Both men chuckled. “Not quite. Welcome to St. Meridian, Franklin,” they said together, “Let us introduce ourselves.”

The man in black said, “My name is Gabriel. I am an angel — and I’m wearing black because I sweat so much when I’m in Mississippi and this, as you guessed wrongly, is Lucifer.”

“I wear white because it’s too damn hot in Mississippi to wear black,” Lucifer fanned himself. “Hell is no where near this humid.”

Both men laughed again.

Gabriel continued, “I’m glad you found your way to St. Meridian, Franklin. I am sure you know why you are here.”

“To be judged?” Franklin guessed.

Lucifer sneered, “Oh now Franklin, you’ve been doing that your whole life. What can we add to your constant self criticism?”

Gabriel interrupted him. “Exactly. You’ve been living with Lucifer in you for your whole life.”

Lucifer scoffed, “Well, you’re in there too.”

Gabriel nodded, “This is true. Franklin, you carry both of us inside of you. Or at least you did.”

Lucifer interrupted, “humans are so weak and conflicted.”

Franklin looked out the leaded glass windows. The sky was an eerie, glowing white.

“So I’m dead.”

“Almost. You are here because it’s not your time yet. At St. Meridian, we are, if you will excuse the lack of a better term, life coaches.” Lucifer said as he moved another chess piece, smiling as he collected Gabriel’s knight.

“Yes, we are holding a chess match to decide your fate,” Gabriel continued, “— or at least coaching you to guide you to your own fate.”

Lucifer flicked his hand to the left and a screen illuminated above them. Franklin’s life flashed before his eyes. He cringed as he saw him sitting at the office, looking at his cell phone and selfishly turning inward to try to extinguish the flames of pain that burned in his heart. Franklin has spent five decades standing beneath a waterfall of pain. The pressure, the stress of so much cortisol, had finally caused his heart to seize. As the video ended, Franklin could see his body lying on the floor of the parking garage as Lucifer left it and slipped behind the nearby pillar.

“Sorry, bro. I had to go.” Lucifer rhymed. “It’s time for me to move on to your son.”

“NO!” Frank yelled.

Lucifer chuckled. “Well, it’s up to you, my friend. You have the power to break this cycle of trauma. But I hate to lose you. Like baseball, your family has been very, very good to me. Keep doing what you’re doing. Turn inward. Seek pleasure. Self medicate. Take the easy route.”

Gabriel started changing shape and bellowed, “NO!”

Giant white wings popped through his shirt as the black clothing ripped apart. Instead of black fabric, the giant angel was wearing a glowing, translucent robe. He hovered over the table and then swooped to alter. He then floated down to Franklin and hugged him. As he held him, he whispered in his ear. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. ‘ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.”

He paused, but then said, “But to truly be able to love your neighbor, you have to love yourself. What happened to your mother was not your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself. Today is the day you stop loathing yourself.”

Gabriel released Franklin and floated back to the chess table and moved his queen.

“Checkmate,” he said. Lucifer scowled and said, “I’ll get the next one.”


“Mom! Dad’s eyes opened!”

Franklin’s son Geoff, who had rushed to UMMC straight from Ole Miss to sit by his father’s bedside, yelled to his mother, who was standing out in the Hall. Franklin’s wife Andrea, who had asked for a divorce the day before Franklin’s heart attack, had sat for a week by his bedside praying for his recovery. Little did she know, her prayers were more than answered.

“Dad, It’s Geoff. Mom is here, too. You died in the helicopter but they got you back alive. You’re alive. It’s a miracle — no sign of brain damage or heart damage.”

“Honey, I’m glad you’re still with us. Nod if you understand us.”

Franklin blinked and then nodded. He had a long journey ahead of him, but one he was willing to take.

Six months later.

It was recovery worthy of “It’s a Wonderful Life.” Without the demon holding him hostage, Franklin found joy and peace in the smallest ways. Gratitude ruled his heart and that change allowed his heart to heal. That healing extended first to Geoff and Andrea. Then it expanded out to the law firm and then to the community. Life had a sweet taste to it that he had never tasted before. And on that warm, spring Mississippi day, he and his family headed to the Mississippi Delta. It was time to say thanks in a very special place. “I have some place special to show you,” Franklin said as he headed north up Hwy. 61.

St. Meridian isn’t on Google Maps; but Franklin knew the way. He turned the SUV down the dusty road and planted hit foot on the gas with excitement. He wanted his family to see the place that changed his life. The SUV stopped in the middle of familiar thicket of oaks and vines, as Franklin expected to see the church. But instead, there was nothing but a pile of stones. There, in front of the ruins of the church, was a plaque. Franklin got out and read it aloud.

Here lies the ruins of St. Meridian Church. Built in the 1850s by slaves, it became a refuge for escaped slaves and then later as a sanctuary for Civil Rights activists in the 1960s. Tragically destroyed by the Klan on January 13, 1969, St. Meridian remains a reminder that we all carry a little bit of Heaven and Hell in our hearts. It’s our choice which voice we chose to listen to.

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Trying to Reason with Tornado Season

My hatred of tornadoes developed at a very early age.

Atlanta’s weather pattern in the early 1970’s was particularly sucky (pun intended). On March 24, 1975, an EF-3 tornado hit Georgia’s governor’s mansion. One went over our house, too, ripping down our basketball goal and removing our TV antenna from our chimney. Dad got us out of bed and we made it to the hallway, not the basement. It happened that quick. My crackling AM radio was a crude form of radar. When I was a little kid, I knew that that crackling meant a storm was on the way. Then panic would wash over me.

Forget flying monkeys; the giant sock tornado in the Wizard of Oz scared the living crud out of me.

When Amy and I moved to San Diego, I knew I was finally safe from the twisty funnels of death. Sure, California had earthquakes and wildfires and the whole state could fall into the sea, but there would be no tornadoes to blow me to OZ. HA HA HA HA — I’m safe from you, tornadoes!

Then San Diego had a waterspout.

Curses.

in 1996, we decided to move to the absolutely worst place for tornadoes this side of Oklahoma City — Mississippi. When we first moved got here, my weather radio (which wasn’t one that could be programmed for a county) would go off if a cow farted in Port Gibson. Living on the second floors of our apartment, there were many sleepless nights. When we moved into our house in 1998, there really wasn’t a good Tornado safe place. We had a few close calls over the years — one night I remember the lightning being like a Halloween Haunted House strobe light as we scrambled for the hall as a funnel passed nearby. Another time, we sat in the hallway as one went over the house. I sang the “Bob the Builder” theme song to my first son (who was a toddler at the time) to calm him.

I think I was trying to calm myself.

I had never seen a tornado in person until I moved here. I remember I was supposed to be WLBT one morning but as I was driving to the studio, I could see a tornado rip through Madison (the Fairfield storm). They called: My appearance was cancelled.

Good call.

I remember being on the radio during the horrific April 2011 outbreak. After three hours of calling tornado warnings, my final words were, “If you have a student at the University of Alabama, tell you child to take cover and that you love them.”

I think it is cosmically unfair that in the heart of Dixie Alley (named in 1971, not 1861) is a place where you can’t have basements. It’s like it is some kind of voodoo curse on us.

Have I mentioned I hate tornadoes?

They suck.

Yet, over time I’ve come to terms with severe weather.

I still know the words to Bob the Builder, btw. I pray I don’t need to sing it today. Can we build it? Yes we can. But I don’t want to rebuild it. I believe the Good Lord brought me to Mississippi for many reasons. One is to deal with fear of things I can’t control. And I can’t control the weather. It brings me a weird sense of peace.

Our 12-month tornado season has brought me a degree of acceptance. But I do know one thing: I’m about ready for the tutorials to end.

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Be a good servant: Fight Fear

One of the stories I’ve told speaking is how the Parable of the Talents changed my attitude when I was a custodian. For those who don’t know that particular parable from the Book of Matthew, I’ll share a very quick version. A master leaves and entrusts his talents to his workers. One talent was a significant amount of money back then (but there’s a bigger and more obvious metaphor going on here or course.) One servant receives five talents, one receives two and the final servant receives one. The first two servants handled their talents well and doubled them. But the third was afraid of losing the master’s money and buried it. When the master came back, he was grateful for the two servants who had doing well but was gnashing of teeth-angry at the servant who buried his talent. He called him, “wicket, lazy and worthless” — pretty angry stuff for the New Testement — but definitely should open all of our eyes. The Master was so mad that he stripped the talent from the afraid servant and handed it to the one who had had 10.

Back then, I realized I was the servant who was afraid. For about six months, I threw a horrible pity party. Let’s just say that I was like a fart in an elevator: No one wanted to be around me but couldn’t escape me. Heck I couldn’t escape me. I wasn’t drawing — I had buried my talent. When I started drawing again, things changed rapidly in my favor and I soon had a job at a local newspaper. That’s why I am here talking to you today.

But 31 years later, I realize that it is a lesson that I need to remember as much now as I did then. A few takes.

  1. Fear is the Devil. When I am afraid, I tend to stop using the gifts I’ve been given and withdraw from life. I can tell you from experience, this is the WRONG THING TO DO! You have to attack at that moment. If something triggers you, you have to pull yourself out of that waterfall and respond to it, not react. I have proof that when you use your gifts, new doors open. I’m currently having to deal with some upsetting stuff. My instinct is to “bury my talent” and just deal with it. But instead, what I should be doing is throwing my energy into the work and making things happen. It’s time for a Rocky montage!
  2. When you use your talents, you receive other talents. If you use the oblivious metaphor that talent means, well talent, then you can say that using your talent can lead to new ones. Drawing was my “only” talent. But because of that talent, I have discovered new ones. And when I use the new ones, I discover other ones. I became the cartoonist in Jackson. I ended up doing TV and radio interviews. Those led to a radio show. That led to another radio show. That led to a TV show. But you have to do the next step:
  3. Handle your talents well: I am darn lucky in that I had a very obvious talent. I even won “Most talented” in high school. But sometimes our talents aren’t as obvious. The first step is realizing what talents you have. Take a person inventory. Then take what you are given and manage your life as best as you can. This is where I fall down sometimes. But personal responsibility is the way we can handle what gifts we have been given in life. Those gifts can be as basic as our health, our marriages, our homes, our cars — many of things we take for granted. I know I am guilty of this. Like Luke Skywalker, I always looked to the horizon.

Look, I could go on about this. But the bottom line is: Your life is a gift. Fear will steal that gift from you. And if you’re in a bad place, you have to fight against every instinct to bury those gifts. It is hard — that I know. Change is difficult. But there is a definite road map for life and that is living it, not burying it.

That’ll happen when we’re dead and gone.

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The Last Mission

The dreams were happening more frequently and were more vivid.

There he was, back in World War 2, flying his fighter plane alone over Germany. Dark clouds boiled around his North American P-51D Mustang as flak and turbulence tossed him around the menacing sky. He cursed as he fought the planes controls. The plane responded with a reassuring scream from the Merlin engine’s supercharger. That screaming, which sounded beautiful outside of the plane, was more like a howling banshee inside. Hours of hearing it had cost him most of his hearing. But in these recent dreams, he could hear again. And his sense of smell was vivid, too. Oh how he could smell. The odor of sweat, oil, metal and fear lit his old memories like a fuse.

A flak shell went off to his right, bucking his Mustang and awaking him from his daydream. Daydreams could get you killed in war.

For nearly three years, he had fought over the skies of Africa and Europe, beating back totalitarianism and giving his gifts to his kids, grandkids and great-grandkids that they took for granted. Freedom wasn’t just a word. It wasn’t about having the right to whine on Facebook because someone hurt your feelings. It was the removal of the foot of fascism off the necks of the people. It was killing the scourge that murdered millions of innocent people in death camps. He saw so much whining today — but he knew sacrifice. He truly knew suffering.

The Great Depression had caused his parents to send him to his uncle’s house in California in 1932. While he understood later in life why they had to ship him away, the trauma it caused him drove him for the rest of his life. He had become very successful after the war. Starvation is a powerful motivator, after all. He remember where he was when Pearl Harbor was attacked. He remembering volunteering for the U.S. Army Air Corps.

From 1941 to 1945, he was truly a success. During those years, he was a knight in the sky who jousted with German fighter planes to protect U.S. bomber crews.

He felt his glove tighten on the stick. Flying came natural to him. He remembered watching Jimmy Doolittle in the newsreels as a kid and wanting to be just like him. Doolittle, who would later become a legend after leading the first bombing mission of Japan, made flying cool. They both shared the name Jimmy, too. Sitting in the cockpit of his trainer, he remembered the thrill of soloing for the first time. There was freedom in the air. Freedom from want. Freedom from feeling inadequate.

First he was assigned to fly the famous P-40. It was the plane the Flying Tigers had made famous in China dogfighting the Japanese. But one day, he saw the love of his life sitting at the end of his runway. Equipped with a bubble canopy and the powerful Merlin engine, the P-51D changed the war over Europe. Fast and maneuverable, it was also the first fighter able to escort B-17s Flying Fortresses and B-24 Liberator bombers all the way to Berlin and back. The bomber crews, who had been slaughtered by fighters and flak throughout the war, called the plane “the little friend.” The German Luftwaffe called it something much worse. He thought about the one time he escorted actor Jimmy Stewarts’ squadron over Germany.

A voice came over the radio.

“Cricket.”

While his name wasn’t “Jiminy,” his nickname in flight school became Jimmy Cricket, later shortened to Cricket.

“Tighten up formation, Cricket,” he heard the voice command. It was a voice he had not heard since 1944. It was his best friend Al — who had been shot down by a German fighter over France. The wreckage of Al’s plane had been found by advancing U.S. Army soldiers. He had not gotten out of the cockpit alive.

“Long time, no see, brother,” Cricket responded. The second Mustang wagged its wings in response.

“I’m here to take you home, brother,” Al’s voice warmly crackled over the radio.

“Home,” Cricket thought? Home had been a damn nursing home for the past 10 years since his beloved wife Dorothy died. Home had been a generic place with generic food. He had outlived three of his four his four kids and one of his grandkids. That was worse than losing Al. No one came to see him much anymore. The staff treated him like an oddity. The other residents were kids during the war. He just sat in the corner of the rec room in his wheelchair staring out at the sky. His beloved sky.

“Yes, home, Cricket,” Al repeated without being prompted. “And Dorothy is waiting for you back at the base.”

When Al said that, the flak stopped and the dark clouds began to part. The plane’s controls smoothed out and the Merlin engine began to sing. He checked his compass and couldn’t get a reading.

“Just stay on my wing,” Cricket, “I’ll get you home.”

Cricket pointed the nose of his Mustang into light.

And on a cold January morning, in the corner of a generic nursing home’s recreation room, one of the last members of the Greatest Generation faded into history.

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The Finest Gift: A Christmas Story

“You look handsome.” Rusty Randolph’s mother used spit to try to tame his cowlick. The seven-year-old’s wild blonde hair shot toward the cold, night sky.

“C’mon MOM!” Rusty protested.

It was really more than having spit used as hair product that bothered him. It was Christmas Eve and he was in the worst place possible for a kid. He was in church. Minutes seemed like hours. Hours, well, it was just taking too darn long. His mom said they were there for the true meaning of Christmas. Rusty had yet to see Santa Claus. Finally, a priest walked up to the front of the church and began to speak.

To Rusty, he sounded like Charlie Brown’s parents. “Waa Waa Waa Waa.” But then his words came through remarkably clear, “It is better to give than receive.” What?It was a message that was totally lost on a seven-year-old boy. As they finally walked out of the cathedral, Rusty looked up at the night sky. There, near the moon, was a blinking red light.”RUDOLPH! MOM, WE HAVE TO GO HOME NOW! THERE’S RUDOLPH!!” The passengers on the Boeing 727 above were oblivious to the little boy and his dreams of presents.

Forty years later.”DAD! Did you fix my lunch? Russell Randolph looked around the kitchen for his oldest’s son’s brown paper lunch sack.”I think so.” Getting the kids out of the house in the morning was like invading France on a daily basis. D-Day was every day. And this morning they were fighting a losing battle.

“I got my shoes on.”

Russell looked down at his seven-year-old. The kid had put his shoes on the wrong feet.”

Jesus Chr….” Russell caught himself. He knew his blood pressure must be in the Stratosphere and he didn’t want to tempt fate and a heart attack by using Jesus’ name in vain. He reached over and flipped on the kitchen TV. War. Check. Murder. Check. Racial strife. Check. Plane Crash. Check. Terrorism. Check. Extreme weather. Check. Russell felt the acid rising in his throat. In five minutes he had gotten a quick reminder what a screwed up world his kids were inheriting. Now he knew he’d have a heart attack.

“You seen my keys?” Russell’s wife Becky screamed from the garage.

Becky taught at the local elementary school and was, once again, late.

“They are in your car.”

“Oh. Bye!” Between their jobs and schlepping the kids around, he couldn’t remember the last time he and Becky had had a conversation other than about the kids or running the household.

“Oh, did you pay the water bill?” she yelled from the running SUV.

Russell felt a wave of stupid wash over him.

“DAMMIT!” he yelled.

His kids stopped and looked at him. Dad NEVER cussed.

“Let me guess, yet another thing you forgot,” Becky scolded him. Sometimes it was like she had four kids, not three. Russell slinked back into the kitchen, frustrated and defeated.Russell’s mind had been slipping. Like the beach during a hurricane, life’s woes and problems had surged over his brain, leaving him mentally flooded.

“Um. I’ll get to it.” He looked over at the Christmas tree that was in living room. He then looked at the credit card bills on the counter. He hated Christmas. The fuss. The expense. The stress. Even putting up the tree was a pain in the butt. Peace on Earth, goodwill to man was such a crock of bull. He was over Christmas. He flipped off the TV. The little boy from 40 years ago was no more.It was cold, dreary December day. Russell backed out of this driveway, noted the piles of leaves and felt his chest tighten again. He headed out of the neighborhood and tried to think of everything he had to do. It was the last day of work before Christmas vacation and he was slammed. There was going to be another round of layoffs and he didn’t know if he’d survive. Everyone in the office was on edge and there wasn’t much Joy to the World at work either. He spent the next ten hours in a cubicle sitting next to fear. He felt much older than his 47 years.

On the way home, Russell listened to the talk radio host. He normally loved the guy — who loved to give the President hell. Russell loved to get worked up on the way home every day. But Russell noticed something for the first time tonight. The man was trying to scare him. Fear was pouring out of the radio. And Russell felt afraid.

So he put on his blinker and took a sudden left. He drove across town to the cathedral where his mother had drug him 40 years ago. The car stopped in front of it and he trudged through the rain to the steps. He stopped and refused to go in.So he just sat there. Like Moses on the edge of the promised land, he looked at the entrance and knew he couldn’t enter. He sat in the dark as the cold rain poured down on his head. Darkness wrapped his body and soul — all except the faint multicolored light from the stained glass. And if you had looked closed enough, you’d have noticed that rain wasn’t the only water trickling down his face.

“You’ll catch pneumonia out here, son.” The voice sounded familiar.

Russell snapped out of his pity party and looked around. His eyes could barely make out a figure walking out of the shadows holding an umbrella.

“Since you don’t want to come in, I thought I’d come to you.”

Russell looked at the older man’s face. A moment of recognition jolted him. It was the priest from his childhood.

“Christmas getting you down?”

Russell nodded. “Yes, sir. And the rest of life. I can’t see anything good about the world.”

The priest laughed. “Son, if you can’t see good in the world, be the good in the world.”

Russell was a lousy poker player. He glared at the father with a look of confusion.

“You’re almost as thick as you were when you were seven,” the priest said with a grin.

Russell was shocked he remembered him.

“Oh yes, I remember you. You had that cowlick that your mother was always trying to tame with spit.” Russell sat up straight. He looked at the priest and started to talk. “But we live in a broken world…”

The priest cut him off. “Rusty, the world is the world. Like a stone hitting a still pond, you have a way to change it. You can change it with your actions. Those actions can be good. They can be bad. Or they can be nothing at all. You have the power but it starts here, ” the priest pointed at his heart, ” here, ” then his brain, ” but most importantly here, ” he pointed toward heaven.”

Russell looked up at the sky. The rain had stopped and the clouds began to part. A full moon and stars peeked from behind the clouds.

“Russell, be the good in people’s lives. Give them a Christmas present they’ll never forget. Like I tried to tell you so many years ago, “It’s better to give than receive.”

The priest slowly got up and started to walk back toward the darkness. “Merry Christmas Rusty.”

Russell smiled and said, “And to you, father.”He sat for 15 more minutes and then stood up and walked into the cathedral. On a side hall, near the bathroom was a framed photo of his priest. It read, “In memory of Father Joseph Hurley 1935-1979. May ye rest in peace.”

Russell’s jaw dropped. He stood there, stunned and staring at the man’s wizened face. He then looked around.

The building was empty. No one was around.

It was at moment Rusty Randolph realized he had been given one of the greatest Christmas gifts of all.

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Make it Happen

The boys were home last weekend along with my nephew and his lovely bride. We hung out and watched some football. It was a nice Saturday. With the help of my youngest son, I got out the fire pit and set it up in the yard. We got some wood and with a generous dousing of lighter fluid (be prepared,) orange flames soon tickled the starry sky. Jokes were told and stories were shared. Soon the wood was reduced to glowing embers. By the end of the evening, the mosquitoes were mounting a frontal assault so we called it a night.

Not a crop circle

The next morning, my youngest son and I moved the fire pit back into its home. Underneath it was a burned patch of grass. Now it looks like I have a mini crop circle in the middle of my yard. Drat. So much for yard of the month, right? My neighbor suggested I paint the brown, dead grass green. I decided against that — it reminded me too much of the hair spray paint they sold in 80’s that apparently Rudy Giuliani still uses on his hair — and vowed to watch it to see if it would come back on its own.

A few days later, I am pleased to report there are four or five springs of grass fighting for a come back. Never underestimate life. Even with its back against the wall, it will rally. Or at least adjust. But for that to happen, it requires work to be done.

There are times when I feel like things are hopeless. That I am stuck and have nothing in my power to make things better. Lord knows I spent years stuck at the Clarion-Ledger in a bad situation because I didn’t think I had any other options — there couldn’t have been anything further from the truth! Like the green grass, I had the power in me to make a comeback — the only think stopping me was myself. Then one day I took a leap and now am in a happier situation. I stumbled across this quote in a book called Hope Rising by Casey Gwinn, J.D. & Chan Hellman, Ph.D. that spoke to me.

“Infuse your life with action. Don’t wait for it to happen. MAKE IT HAPPEN. Make your own future. Make your own hope. Make your own love. And whatever your beliefs, honor your creator, not by passively waiting for grace to come down from upon high, but by doing what you can to make grace happen…yourself, right now, right down here on Earth.” Bradley Whitford.

First of all, that fires me up every time I read it. MAKE IT HAPPEN! Hope is a super power — and is that spark of life the grass is showing. But it requires work and it requires support. My will when I was at the CL was low because I couldn’t see the way and my support was low. Be that support for someone else. Will the grass comeback? I don’t know — but I’ll help it however I can. It has shown me it has the will. I’ll show it the way.

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$#*^ and other words of wisdom

It was the early 1970s. Dad had rescued an old red pickup truck from the woods of a golf course with the intention of restoring it. It was a 1953 Ford — which would be like us rescuing a truck from the 2000’s today. I was his full-time helper –a job I did with great pride.

We were in our basement. I remember I was cutting my six-year-old molars, so my mouth hurt. Dad had the drop-socket light hanging from the steel beam that ran the length of our 1960’s ranch house. I’m not sure what he was working on in the engine compartment but my job was to fetch whatever tool he needed. My guess is that he was putting on an alternator.

“1/2 socket. Phillips head screwdriver. Regular screwdriver. 3/4 socket,” he’d call out. I’d deliver the particular tool to his giant outstretched hand.

Little did I know, he was also teaching me about tools. That’s how dad, taught — without me having a clue he was teaching me.

Then it happened. I’m really not totally sure what happened –all I know is that he smashed his hand. That’s when my dad let out a string of obscenities that caused the truck’s paint to peel.

I was stunned.

I stood there looking at him — my father had used words in combinations I had never heard before. Sailors would respect the old Army man for his verbal gymnastics. Me, being a religious scholar at the age of six, said, “Dad, God doesn’t like it when you talk like that.”

Dad didn’t miss a beat. “God and I have a deal. I try to be good to people and He will forgive me if occasionally say a bad word.”

Now while dad’s religious theology may not line up with yours, I did take note of the “I try to be good to people” part. And the part about God’s forgiveness. Dad was very good to people. It was something I’d find out nearly 45 years later.

You’re probably wondering, “How was his hand?” It healed. And that time he spent working on the red truck led to the next chapter of his career — he and our neighbor bought a gas station soon after that. For 15 years, he worked on even more cars and helped even more people.

The truck? He sold it. And he went on to live to the ripe age of 81. When he died, there was a long line of people at the reception who told us stories how he helped them. He was good for his word — event if it was an occasional cuss word. He taught me about tools, being good to people and forgiveness while working on that red truck. And he taught me some new words I still use in Atlanta traffic to this day.


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The Prism

Voices in the bar dimmed to a low murmur as a man slowly drained his drink. A lone beam of sunlight penetrated the smoke, passing through the bar’s smoke and refracting into a rainbow on the wood in front of him. He looked down at the mini-rainbow on the worn bar and thought how life was a much like the bourbon filled prism in his hand. What seemed so apparent, his life as a whole, was made up of so much more than what apparent at first glance. Then he looked over at the darkness of nearby shadows. That’s where his soul was –and he just wanted to forget it all. Another sip of bourbon and the rainbow disappeared and so did part of his pain — at least temporarily. The warmth of the alcohol burned as it hit the bottom of his stomach. The relief he was searching for wasn’t at the bottom of this glass, but he’d keep searching one sip at a time. But so far that search had been fruitless. His pain was defying the cure. And once again, he had failed.

A stranger sat down next to him and started to strike up a conversation. He looked familiar to the man but he couldn’t quite place the face. “It’s hot out today, isn’t it?” The inquiry was met with awkward silence. The first man felt the smoothness of the glass as it touched his lips. Another drink, another wave of warmth. He had no time for cheery strangers. He just wanted to wallow in his misery alone.

“But you’re not alone,” the stranger replied to the answer that was never said aloud. “You are loved. And the answer you are searching for requires you to love back.”

“Great, this guy is trying to pick me up,” the first man thought.

The stranger laughed, “No, I’m not trying to pick you up. I just wanted you to know that you’re loved.” The stranger smiled and motioned to the bartender, “May I have a bottle of water?”

The bartender smirked and handed over the bottle. “Mucho gracias senior,” the stranger responded in the man’s native language.

“Love isn’t a noun, it’s a verb. The only way to put out the fire in your soul is to forgive those who trespassed against you. And it is done with this.” The stranger thumped his chest where his heart was.

The sunbeam illuminated first his heart and then his face.

The first man looked over at the stranger’s glowing face and as the light bathed it with warmth, he saw his wife, who had cheated on him and then his boss who had fired him. He then saw the bully in 6th grade and the football coach who tried to make him quit the team. He saw his mother with a paddle raised over her head. Pain shot through him. He wanted to forget so badly and quickly raised his glass to his lips but looked down in horror was he saw blood in the glass. Shocked, he pulled the glass away from his lips. And then just as quickly, it was back to bourbon.

“I love you,” the stranger’s voice repeated.” And as I have loved you, so you must love one another.”

He motioned to the bartender, “I’ll pick up his tab,” as he motioned to the first man.

The stranger smiled as he paid the man’s debt.

As the man’s pain eased, he looked over at the stranger’s bottle of water.

It was now wine.

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What I have learned from back surgery.

1. Take naps. I didn’t until recently and it caused me more pain than I should have had because I stood on my feet for hours at a time, walked and hardly ever sat. This caused my muscles to tighten and created even more pain fro those tight muscles. Naps give your body a chance to heal and your muscles time to relax. I have had pain go away after a one-hour nap.
2. Fish oil has been helpful. It reduces inflammation and is supposedly good for my healing nerves. It may just be in my brain but I am at the point where I barely use Tylenol (the only pain reliever I am allowed). But make sure you take the medicine your doctor gives you as he or she prescribes. I was lucky enough to get off my opioids within a few days. Walking helped that, too — see more about walking in a minute.
3. Muscle relaxers before bedtime are a good thing.
4. Buy a grippy grabber claw. I can do everything from get my pants on to grab things out of the cabinet with it. It has saved my butt.
5. A positive attitude makes a huge difference. I don’t always have one, but I try. If nothing else, it keeps your family from wanting to kill you — and you’re going to need them for a long, long time.
6. Be grateful. That is a byproduct of #5 — but find ways you are grateful about your surgery. Because if you focus on your pain or what you can’t do, it will eat you alive.
7. This is God’s answer for your prayers for patience. And you will need lots of it. You will experience lots of down moments because this is a long, long process.
8. Walk. And then walk some more. I have a lot of metal in my back — and should not have recovered as quickly as I have. But I started in the hospital (I walked a mile the second day) and haven’t looked back. It gets blood flow to your cut muscles and speeds healing.
9. My belt with a built-in icepack is a Godsend. It helps squelch pain. It’s a worthy investment.
10. Be good to your caregivers (you will need them more than you will know) Amy and I only exchanged cross words once one morning at about 2 a.m. We were both exhausted and under stress. I was in godawful pain and we both bit each other’s head off. But I wasn’t mad at her. I was just hurting. But yelling at her wasn’t going to make that pain go away.

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You have been forged like iron into steel. My speech to the class of 2021.


Congratulations. You followed the plan, did the work and now you’re about to receive that sacred piece of paper that shows it. I know everyone here today to support you is proud.

But I hope you are proud of yourself, too.

This past year has a been like nothing we have experienced since Pandemic of 1918 — which was a long, long time ago.. And even I wasn’t around then.
2020 and 2021 have been years of disruption. The novel coronavirus that causes COVID-19 was like Toto in the Wizard of Oz ripping back the curtain on the Wizard. It revealed weaknesses in our government, our institutions and in us as a people. Yet it also reveal great strengths. Your resilience — your ability to roll with the punches — will be the one thing you’ve learned in the past year that will be most valuable to you in the coming years.

I can tell you from experience. Change comes at you hard.
But let me tell you this: That’s not a bad thing. In fact, change stirs up the status quo. Like a miner sifting out sand to reveal a gold nugget, the chaos of change can reveal opportunities.

I wish someone had told me this at graduation.

I wish I remembered graduation.

I learned that lesson soon after I left college. My first job was as a high school janitor at Pope High School. Let me tell you this, I was darn lucky to have a job. But I didn’t know it then. I was too busy throwing a pity party (and serving snacks). I thought I was some kind of victim. It was the economy’s fault. It was the newspaper business’s fault (I wanted to be a cartoonist and no one was hiring). It was ______________’s fault. I used my energy to point fingers, not to look for opportunity.

One Sunday I went to church. Not to give you a Sunday school lesson but the preacher talked about the Parable of the Talents. If you aren’t familiar with the story, I’ll give you a quick recap. The boss leaves town and hands over this talents (a form of currency) to his three workers. One gets 10, one gets five and one gets one. The ones who got 10 and five invest theirs and multiply them. But the one who got one was TERRIFIED he’d lose it and disappoint his boss. So he buries it.

I felt a laser aimed right at my soul. I was afraid. I was afraid I was a failure. FEAR rocked my heart.

Fear is that voice that will whisper doubt in your ear at three in the morning.

Fear is that voice that agrees with your critics.

Fear is what causes you to self-destruct when the big chance comes your way.

Long story short, I changed my attitude and changed my life. I got busy drawing and I got busy not being like a fart in an elevator — which is someone people didn’t want to be around but couldn’t escape. I developed a positive outlook and soon launched my cartooning career.

Which, of course, imploded when the newspaper business itself imploded. I fell “victim” to budget cuts and was made part-time — this after being named a two-time Pulitzer Finalist. I learned quickly I didn’t have time for self-pity. I was in fight or flight mode. I had to reinvent myself and fast.

I also learned that experiments don’t fail. That trying new things and stumbling just meant I was changed the playing field and myself. I tried new things — something I wasn’t wired to do — and got better. I had to tell myself that it wasn’t because I was bad — it was because of a business decision by someone looking at numbers. I worked hard not to think of myself as a victim

That was so hard. But I saw friends get destroyed by that mindset. I had to bury the victim mindset and fast.

That meant I had to learn to respond to my situation, not react. (If I had truly responded, I would have anticipated the cutback — but I was too busy being worried).

This year has shown that while you may not be able to control things that happen to you, you have the power to respond them. You have navigated virtual learning, quarantines, illness, loss and pain. Everyone has lost something in this past year — whether it is as simple as not being able to eat in restaurant with friends or as extreme of losing a job or Godforbid, a loved one. But we humans are resilient. You sitting here today is proof of that.

You are not victims of the pandemic. You have been forged like iron into steel.

My advice to you? Learn to respond and not react. Trade worry for work. Take a moment when something happens and evaluate the situation. Look for the opportunity — angels come dressed in funny clothes sometimes. And learn empathy. Forget toilet paper, empathy is the one thing we had a huge shortage of last year. Everyone is going through something. As soon as you figure that out, you can help them get what they need.

And you will find out that is the true key to success. I know I am still learning those lessons even to this day.

So go out in the world and make it better. Start with your world around you and move outward.

It is an honor for me to be able to address you today. I, like those here to support you, am very, very proud of you and what you’ve accomplished.

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