The Vapors of Vicksburg

Ominous black clouds rolled across the Louisiana Delta toward the Mississippi River.

And the river did nothing to stop them.

A severe thunderstorm struck the bluffs of the City of Vicksburg right at sunset. People scattered for shelter like roaches after turning on the kitchen light.  Trees came down. Lightning flickered across the sky. Thunder boomed like the cannons in 1863.  Vicksburg was under siege once again — This time by Mother Nature herself.

The man’s car’s windshield wipers beat in a frantic rhythm, unsuccessfully trying to push back the rain.  The car radio squawked from another EBS warning from the Jackson radio station.  The man said that the storm had spun off a rare summer tornado south of town.  The hail hitting his windshield confirmed his report. He had been caught out in the middle of the Vicksburg Military Park when the storm hit.  His car was the best shelter he could find. Lightning hit a transformer nearby, knocking out the power in the whole city.  His hands gripped his steering wheel so hard his knuckles were white.

The man looked out his steamed car windows and could see the tops of the monuments through the rain and mist.  Another bolt of lightning hit a tree near the Great Redoubt. Another blast hit the Illinois Monument. A fire truck’s siren wailed in the distance.The Vicksburg Military Park was getting shelled like it hadn’t been shelled in over 148 years.

Four inches of rain fell causing streams to swell. It and the melting hail left a thick ground fog.

The man slid his car into drive and eased along the park road.  A stunned deer scampered out of it’s hiding place and into the woods.  Fog shifted like dry ice along Union Avenue.

The man turned left onto Graveyard Road to Stockade Redan.  There he heard more booming.  Was it thunder?  It couldn’t be — the storm was well on its way to Jackson by now. BOOM!  BOOM!  There it was again.  He wiped his windshield again with a hankerchief.  What he saw caused him to slam on his brakes, sending his coffee out of the cup holder and into the floor.

There were thousands of soldiers, opaque figures in the vapors and the mist, fighting.  He opened the car’s door, got out and sat on his hood.  And just watched. The fog swirled as the cannons fired repeatedly.  Men with fixed bayonets charged up the hills, only to die from another salvo of rifle fire.  Waves of men fell, round after round. Screams provided a two-part harmony with the deep sounds of the guns.  Massive explosions dotted the landscape. The man’s jaw dropped: A man on a horse came up behind him through the fog. It was the spirit of General Ulysses S. Grant.  He was holding a spy glass, a map and barking orders to a lieutenant, (who was quickly trying to scratch it down.)  Ghostly flags from both sides fluttered and fell. Fog continued to swirl.

Just then, the setting sun poked through the remaining clouds. A single beam of light burned through the fog, evaporated the troops and brought peace once again to the park. The man sat on his hood, rubbed his eyes and listened as the booming and screams surrendered to the silence.

Just then a Park Ranger pulled in behind the man and got out of his truck.  “You saw it, didn’t you?”

“Saw what?” The man didn’t want to be thought of as crazy.

The Ranger smiled and said, “It’s closing time.” He then paused, pointed out to the now-empty field and said, “And Happy Fourth of July. You know it was the day the fighting ended.”

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CARTOON: Seersucker & Sweet Tea

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Saturday Free-For-All

Prayers go out to Mrs. White. Her wonderful son. And the woman who loves him.

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The Tow Truck

The Devil was panting.  And it wasn’t even August.

He walked down the dusty Mississippi road looking for a soul to steal.  (No he didn’t play fiddle — that was a myth started by a silly song.)  Sweat rolled down his back as he walked into the sun. Next time he’d wear seersucker. Seriously.  All the politicians around these parts did.  And they weren’t exactly angels either.

Bugs howled in the trees, making it seem hotter than it was. He looked up at the burning sun and couldn’t wait to get back to Hell — where is was cooler.

An 18-wheeler came roaring up from behind and nearly hit him. The Devil, startled, flicked his finger, causing the truck’s engine to stall. The driver pulled over on the side of the road.  As the dust settled, the driver scrambled out of the cab cursing. The Devil smiled. His first victim had come to him.

“Good afternoon sir,” the Devil said in a syrupy voice.  “May of I offer you some sweet tea?”

The driver raised his eyebrow incredulously.  “Who are you and how do you just happen to have a pitcher of tea out in the middle of nowhere?”

The Devil’s grin got even bigger, revealing fangs. “A friend. Take a drink. It will refresh you.”

The driver, not listening to his dear mama’s advice, took tea from a stranger.  Both men walked over to the shade of a giant oak tree.

“Sure’s hot today, the truck driver said.

“It’s hotter from where I come from. Well, at least most days.  What’s your name?”

“Billy. And yours?”

“You can call me ‘Bub.  But I go by many names.”

Both men finished off the iced tea and let out a collective “Ahhhhh.”

“What brings you out here, ‘Bub?”

“Work.  I’m a salesman. I sell dreams.” The Devil grinned at his wit. “I once helped a young guitar player in these parts.”

The truck driver looked at the odd man closer, “Where did you say you were from again?”

“Death Valley.”

“Sounds lovely.  I can see why you’d want to move.”

“Well as the great Don Henley once sang, ‘ You can check out anytime you like but you can never leave.’  Now tell me, what are your dreams?”

“I want to sing in Vegas.  I’m willing to give up anything to do it, too.”

“Really,” the Devil’s grin got bigger. “I just happen to be a record producer.  I look for talent all over the country.”

The truck driver’s eyes widened. He’d heard of things like this happening: Chance encounters that changed destinies.  And why not? He had the talent. He deserved success more than half the auto-tuned stars on the radio. “Tell me more,’Bub ” he said.

The Devil reached into his human-skin briefcase and pulled out a 1,000-page contract. “Just sign here.”

“Don’t I need to audition?  I have my guitar in the truck. I can play a few tunes for you.” The truck driver got up and headed toward his truck.

The Devil flicked his finger again and the truck driver stopped. “I believe you, Billy. I can read men’s hearts, minds and souls,” he said.

The Devil pulled out a gold pen and handed it to the truck driver. As the pen hit the paper, his eyes flared red and his full fangs were exposed.  The driver, his soul on the line, started to write his name.

Suddenly a second truck roared up and stopped right in front of the tree.  A cloud of dust obscured the cab.

The truck driver stopped writing and looked up at the red tow truck.  A man in white stepped out of the cab and said, “You called?”

The truck driver, confused, said, “No.  But I’m glad you’re here.  My truck died.”

The Devil, angry, lashed out at the tow truck driver. “We were making a deal until you rudely interrupted us.”  The tow truck driver just grinned. “I’m so sorry. ” Sarcasm dripped from his voice like sweat from his forehead.

The truck driver, not really knowing what to think, asked the Devil for his card. “Can I call you?” The Devil, disgusted, said, “yes.”

After a few minutes, the tow truck driver had the semi hooked up and the driver safely in the cab.

“That nice man was going to sign me to a recording contract.”

The tow truck driver smiled and said, “I know. But my Boss has bigger plans for you.”

The truck driver was confused until he looked at the phone number on the card, “555-666-HELL.”

He looked in the tow truck’s mirror for the strange man. He was gone.

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Ten Observations from the Great Guv Debate

Watched the Governor’s Debate hosted by Mississippi College  School of Law and broadcast on WLBT last night. I missed a little bit of it because like most Mississippians, I was helping get my family ready for the next day. But here are a few observations from what I did see.

1. James Broadwater looked like he was about to cry the whole debate. He by far gave the weakest performance of the night. Kept expecting Borat to join him.

2. The Governor of Clarksdale (Bill Luckett) and the Governor of Hattiesburg (Johnny Dupree) will apparently face off in a race to be Governor of Mississippi.

3. The middle-tier candidates did all they could to get attention.

4. Hudson Holliday reminded me of my grumpy uncle.

5, It was Phil Bryant’s night to lose, he didn’t.

6. My twitter feed lit up when Broadwater suggested closing all the casinos.  He was the most talked about person on my Twitter feed and it wasn’t positive.

7. Kept expecting Dave Dennis to rise up in a bucket lift.

8. Luckett and Dennis took the most shots at Phil Bryant.  Wish I could have seen the look on his face when they made them.

9. Apparently Ron Williams got denied from a cushy deal by a fat cat. He talks about fat cats a lot. He was most animated of debaters.

10. Don’t think Hudson Holliday ever realized that the minority partner in Dave Dennis’ firm is his wife. Even after Dennis explained it to him.

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Friday Free-For-All

Good morning. In on the road again today. I’ll be in Summitt.

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CARTOON: The Shuttle

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The Shuttle: An Appreciation

Hall and Oates “Kiss on my List” was the number one song on the pop charts. Excaliber was the number one movie.  Ronald Reagan was President of the United States and vowed to fight the Evil Empire.  And the Space Shuttle Columbia landed at Edwards Air Force Base after its maiden flight.  It was April 14, 1981 and I was 13, watching on my parent’s TV as a Shuttle returned from space for the  very first time.

Thirty years later, Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO  is the top song (Hall and Oates still are playing in Casinos, though). Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2 is the top movie. (Excaliber is streaming on Netflix I’m sure.) Ronald Reagan and the Evil Empire are no longer with us.  Barrack Obama is the President. Atlantis made the final landing of the Shuttle program this morning at 4:57 a.m. CDT.  A landing that I watched in awe on my iPad.  (I then wrote a tweet about it.   A tweet about the Shuttle in 1981 would have meant a bird got hit during reentry).

As I watched in the dark, I remembered the 14 brave Columbia & Challenger astronauts who “slipped the surly bonds of earth, to touch the face of God.”  Bless them for their courage and service to mankind.

On April 14, 1981, a 13-year-old boy watched in amazement as 1st Shuttle landed. Today, a 43-year-old boy watched with appreciation. Thank you NASA for the Shuttle program and thirty years of amazement.  Godspeed to all who made the magic happen.

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Thursday Free-For-All

Good morning. Just watched the last Shuttle landing ever.  Watched the first landing on my parent’s TV. Watched this one on my iPad.  It has been a great 30 years.

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The Magic Lamp

Debris filled the landscape as far as the eye could see. The smell of death filled his nose. It was September 3, 2005 and Hurricane Katrina had dealt its horrible blow to the Mississippi Gulf Coast. He was there helping with Search and Recovery. So far, it was more recovery than search.

He pulled up the boards off an empty space and cringed as he peeked under the them. As best as he could tell,  this used to be a house. There weren’t too many landmarks left in this part of Hancock County.  The surge had blasted in over 30 feet, leaving debris in the trees. “OK, Mother Nature, you have my respect now,” he thought.

As he lifted the second board, he noticed a battered, brass lamp.  While he wasn’t there to treasure hunt, something about the old relic intrigued him.  He picked it up. “It’s a genie,” he laughed to himself.  Little did he know, he was right.

What Hurricane Camille had taken, Hurricane Katrina had given back. This lamp, brought back from Saudi Arabia in 1967 by an Air Force Airman at Keesler Airbase had been swept out to sea in the storm surge of the worst hurricane to hit the Gulf Coast in history.  Worst until Katrina roared ashore a few days ago.  The man rubbed the lamp and laughed.

He stopped laughing when a giant man appeared before his very eyes.

“I will give you three wishes!” the Genie bellowed.

“Who are you?” the man asked in a meek and extremely shocked voice.

“I am the Genie of opportunity.”

“What?!?” The man was very doubtful.

“I grant wishes but not like most genies. I grant you opportunities to make your wishes to come true.”

The man looked at the lamp and thought, “Of all the genies, I have to get this nutjob.”

“What’s a nutjob?” asked the Genie inquisatively.

“Never mind,” the man said.  “I wish for all this to be cleaned up.”

“Your wish is my command.”

Nothing happened.

The man scoffed, “Some genie you are.”

Suddenly more people showed up in a van.  A worker came over to the man and said, “We’re here to help. Let’s get this lot cleaned off by dinnertime.”

And they did.

The man was sitting there as the sun set off toward New Orleans, eating his MRE and holding the lamp between his knees.  He rubbed the lamp a second time. “I ask for patience.”

“Your wish is my command” bellowed the genie.

The man found himself back home with his twins screaming and the phone ringing. A pot was boiling over on the stove.  “OK, I get it.  I am to LEARN patience not just be given to me as a gift.”

And once he changed his attitude about his situation, his life was changed forever.

He then rubbed the lamp one more time.

“I wish for great wealth.”

“Your wish is my command.”

The man suddenly was sitting in his bosses’ office holding a pink slip. “AW C’MON!” the man screamed. “How will getting laid-off in the middle Great Recession make me rich?”

The Genie smiled and went back into the bottle.  The man sat there for a minute and realized he needed to get moving. By not being tied down to job, the man was able to try a few new things.  A few new things led to more new things.  Each new opportunity opened new and exciting doors. He was outside of his comfort zone and discovered it was a great place to hangout. He got busy. He HAD to get busy.  He needed to keep his house.

Ten years later, the man sat at his desk in the office building in Jackson. He looked up at the shelf at a battered old lamp. “Thank you, Genie.  Stop by if you’re in the neighborhood.”

The man smiled.  He took the lamp off the shelf one more time and the Genie came out.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. Thank yourself. I just gave you circumstances in which you could learn and achieve what you asked for.  That’s what I do.  You’re the one who deserves all the credit. You did the work.”

The now-rich man smiled and set the lamp back on the shelf.  His work here was done.

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