Fear nearly destroyed my life. I know, stupid isn’t it? Talk about a complete waste of a perfectly good imagination. But it’s true. It wrapped around my soul 13 years ago and send me into a death spiral. I was held hostage by my imagining things that never came true — or sometimes became a self-fulfilling prophecy. Now, I see it destroying others. Let’s just say I’ve seen the devil and he ain’t the cartoon on the can of ham.
I guess I’ve danced with fear for longer than 13 years. Not to get on the psychiatrist’s couch, but I think of several times I allowed it to influence me as a child. But the biggie was April 17, 2001. That was the day I was diagnosed with cancer. I survived it. But I barely survived surviving it. Fear gripped me and wouldn’t let go. Add to it my changing career, and I suddenly craved security.
Which I soon found out was a mirage.
My fear kept me from taking a great job in Tulsa. My fear kept me from experimenting in the job I had. My fear kept me stressed out that my cancer would come back. My fear made me to believe people who tried to destroy my career. My fear kept me from loving my wife like I should and appreciating my family. It consumed me. It drove my actions. It kept me in my comfort zone.
When I speak, I tell the audiences I would rather be in a blasting zone that a comfort zone. Why? It’s safer in a blasting zone. Because when your world is shaken up, you get to see the opportunities. Fear keeps you focused on protecting what you have. That’s the polar opposite of reality. Change happens every single second of the day. You have to embrace it. You have to learn to surf the wave or you will drown.
Fear is intoxicating and powerful. I see politicians use it and frankly, it pisses me off when I do. I tune out those who try to scare me. It’s one of the things that frustrates me about bad talk radio. I don’t need to be scared witless everyday. (Yes, I used to do a talk radio show and still have a show once a week.) When you are afraid, you can be controlled. I don’t want to be controlled.
So how do I get past my fears?
Yes, I had a kind of cancer that does come back. Yes, my job is changing nearly daily. Yes, we live in a difficult and broken world. But I refuse to be scared anymore. I did that for years and my life suffered. Now, I focus on the good and find the positive. It’s my weapon to fight the dark moments.
That’s how I choose to live my life.