Mother Nature captured during bold Navy SEAL raid

Mother Nature

WASHINGTON D.C. — In an early predawn raid, Navy SEALs from famed SEAL TEAM SIX captured the World’s #1 Terrorist, Mother Nature.  Obama Administration sources have confirmed Nature has been whisked off from her Pakistani condo to a secret C.I.A. prison along with Old Man River. Both are being questioned by authorities. The Pakistani government, in a separate statement, denied knowing that Mother Nature was hiding in plain sight 34 feet away from their biggest Army base.  “We know nothing,” said Pakistani Spokesperson Sergeant Hans Georg Schultz.

Schulz

On CBS’s 60 Minutes, CIA Director Leon Panetta confirmed that Mother Nature’s personal diary has been confiscated in the raid and is being analyzed for any information on future terror attacks.  Sources close to the investigation of the handwritten journal confirm it also chronicles Mother Nature’s plans for recent disasters such as Hurricane Katrina, Japan, the tornado-ravaged areas of the Southeast U.S. and the current flooding crisis along the Mississippi River. “We thought she was the grumpy lady from the 1970’s margarine commercials, but in reality she’s a mean #$%#$.  It’s truly not nice to fool Mother Nature.”

In a televised announcement during the final episode of Donald Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice, President Obama proclaimed, “We got her.  We will continue to analyze the hard drives and computers seized to gain information on any of her future attacks. ”

National Weather Service Meteorologist Jim Storm said, “This is awesome. We can now issue tornado warnings five days ahead of time.  And people in Peoria, just FYI: It’s going to flood in 2017.  Go ahead and move your stuff right now.”  The Weather Channel’s Jim Cantore expressed relief.  “I can now get cheaper airline flights.  I’ll know six months ahead of time when a hurricane is going to hit the Gulf Coast.”

President Obama finished his speech in the White House East Room by saying, “The World can sleep better tonight. The World’s biggest terrorist will no longer walk the Earth again.  You can’t fool Mother Nature, but you sure can water board her. “