Santa’s day

Santa had had a long day. Working as a store Santa was a lucrative job (you have to pay the elves somehow) but it was a drain. You have every sick kid on this side of the Mississippi River sneezing on you. It’s like working in the world’s largest Petri dish; Santa knew he was going to get the Mongolian Bird Flu . And no matter how grumpy the kid, you have to look like you’re having the time of your life. There are pictures to be sold after all. And then there were the hours. The long hours.  It was right up there with delivering toys around the world on the “tough jobs” index.

Santa had started this gig in the late 1960’s. No one had guessed he was the REAL Santa.  It was part “community outreach” and part “a way to pay the bills.”  It was also on-the-job research for the naughty list. He had moved around quite a bit to keep to keep his secret identity safe. So far, it was secure. And thankfully no one had noticed the reindeer out the parking lot. Thank the elf.

He liked working in Jackson, Mississippi.  He had for nearly a decade and he had seen so much happen in this  town.  He had had the joy of watching whole families of children grow up before his eyes. Some of them even had brought in their children.  Living at the North Pole is sooo isolated. Even Mrs. Claus escaped to Colorado in the off season.  So he enjoyed coming here to play Santa.  He was a people person after all. He walked past the waiting families and plopped into his chair.

It was showtime. The kids looked suspiciously tall tonight.

First up was Governor Haley Barbour.  He pushed to the front of the line and had his list ready. He wanted to be President. (And hurt Santa’s leg when he sat on it.) Up next was the Lt. Governor Phil Bryant. He wanted Haley Barbour’s current job.  Jackson Mayor Harvey Johnson asked for new water pipes for the City of Jackson.  And developer David Watkins wanted Metrocenter Mall.  Santa had given him the King Edward a couple of years ago.  Madison Mayor Mary Hawkins Butler asked for columns and bricks for all the buildings in her town.  Ridgeland Mayor Gene McGee asked for another couple of miles of bike trails.  The Hinds County Supervisors just wanted cash.  Apparently they had to make payroll. Higher Education chief Hank Bounds also asked for cash. It was this year’s hot gift.

Santa took a breath.  And rubbed his aching knee. He ate some cookies, drank some milk and popped a couple of Aleves.  It was time to begin again.

Up next was Dan Mullen.  He wanted more cowbell.  OK. Houston Nutt wanted a better season in 2011.  Ole Miss Chancellor  Dan Jones asked for teddy bear.  The Legislature wanted cash, too.  Lord knows they needed it. AG Jim Hood asked for some hair care products. Delbert Hosemann wanted another successful commercial in case he wanted to run for Governor.  Speaking of running for Governor, Bill Luckett asked to have his name legally changed to Morgan Freeman. “Weird,” thought Santa. But who was he to ask?

Santa’s legs were numb. He looked forward to kids sitting on his lap instead of needy adults.

Santa took out his iPhone and sent a text to his chief operating officer at the North Pole.  The clock in the center of the store chimed. It was quitting time.

Santa took off his coat, walked outside and hopped into his sleigh. The reindeer lifted him off the ground and they flew west over downtown Jackson.  He looked down at the Pearl River. That was where that guy John McGowan asked him to put the two lakes.  Santa smiled. It never hurt to ask Santa and dream.