TWEETS! A collection of my recent stuff from Twitter

Posted on January 26, 2011 by Marshall Ramsey
  1. If the recession is going to end anywhere, it’s going to have to start with what’s going on between my ears.
  2. My incredible sense of urgency is currently doing battle with my incredible need for a nap.
  3. Time spent telling someone they’re wrong in not believing in you can be used showing them.
  4. Problem w/having my wife’s picture on my Facebook page is I see it & hear her voice saying, “Quit goofing off on Facebook & get to work.”
  5. My sons are named Nitro and Glycerin. Apart they’re fine. Together there’s an explosion.
  6. Dow reaches 12,000. Unemployed pop a can of cat food to celebrate.
  7. I hope Jimmy Buffett is OK and can soon write a funny song about falling off a stage in Margaritaville.
  8. There will be no unity until the lobbyists say “Simon says Unity.”
  9. One thing I learned from the State of the Union: Pink ties clash with orange skin. #Boehner , it made me cry.
  10. My wife can see through BS like Superman can see through Lois’ blouse.
  11. Just spoke to Patty Peck’s @BobAubrey1 about marketing & cars. A five-minute conversation was like a mini-MBA.
  12. Nothing strikes fear in a speaker’s heart quite like equipment problems halfway through a speech.
  13. Play the game? Who has time for games? The only game I want to play is one with my kids during family game night.
  14. With three small kids & a wife who teaches small kids, I feel like I’m standing in front of the flu firing squad.
  15. No, people who really really hate #Obama, ‘The Kings Speech’ is not the State of the Union Address. #Oscars
  16. Mind-altering liquid that makes people forget how to drive is falling from the sky.
  17. Dear coughing person: Holding your fist four inches from your mouth doesn’t stop squat from spreading.
  18. Why can Daisy Duck speak the Queen’s English and Donald sounds like a stuttering, slurring duck?
  19. Oh good, as soon as the Legislature is through tackling Col. Reb, they can move on to the Cowbell issue.
  20. Modern Family: The writing is quirky and smart. Kind of makes you wonder why all shows can’t be like that.
  21. When I saw Jamie Lee Curtis in Trading Places, I never thought, “I hope that nekkid lady someday sells yogurt that makes you poop.”
  22. Lesson of the night: If your date shows up with a black eye and says she “just woke up with it”, it’s a PSYCHO RED FLAG.
  23. The flu shot seems to be stopping the flu like a piece of paper stops a bus. #fluseason
  24. Every time I rent a tux I have the urge to cut the grass while wearing it.
  25. In the middle of a budget crisis, Rep. Duvall wants law to force Ole Miss to bring back Col. Reb. Talk about “Whistling Dixie.”
  26. My surprise: I’m Oprah’s half-brother.
  27. Anger is like plowing salt into your field. You’re killing future crops.
  28. People in Grandma’s nursing home were zombies. They didn’t exercise. Jack LaLanne showed difference between getting older & living.
  29. Her gas is why the birds dropped out of the sky #Oprahssecret
  30. Oprah has bought the Moon and renamed it Planet Harpo #Oprahssecret
  31. Oprah’s Luke Skywalker’s father #Oprahssecret
  32. As long as Oprah’s Secret doesn’t involve Victoria’s Secret. #Oprahssecret
  33. The Wonder Pets (which is on AGAIN at my house) have just left to rescue the Jets.
  34. Attack your weaknesses. Because if you don’t, someone else will.
  35. Sign I am raising my son right: “Dad, is football on today?”
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