Winning Mississippi’s Marathon

Posted on January 23, 2018 by Marshall Ramsey

This weekend, runners will come to Mississippi from every state in the union and nine countries around the world. They’ll be chasing a dream, a goal, a mission and a medal. They’ll run up and down hills and dodge potholes. Blues musicians will serenade them as they pass.

The Mississippi Blues Marathon will once again take over the streets of Jackson.

It’s no small miracle that it’s happening, either. Last year, Mother Nature nearly dealt the race a fatal blow. Ice covered the streets of Jackson and as you could imagine, runners can’t run on ice. The event was canceled and runners were left with no race to run. Water was dumped and medals went unearned. Then it lost its title sponsor — the race’s existence was held in the balance for much of last year. But like a frosty phoenix, it rose up from the ice. Saturday, it gets a new a sponsor (Continental Tire) and new chance at life.

I say “yay!”

Not just because I enjoy the race — and running insanely long distances. I love it because it is an event that showcases our state’s strengths. Yes, you get to see so many people who have worked hard to make their dreams come true. That’s really inspiring.  But what makes the race truly special are the people.  Every time I have run the race, I have had crowds along the way cheering me on. But more magically, the race volunteers repeatedly said these golden words, “Thank you for running the race today.”  If you go to race sites and look at the reviews, the golden thread that runs through all of them is this, “I’ve never experienced hospitality like I did at the Mississippi Blues Marathon.”

Hospitality is our superpower. And a race like the Mississippi Blues Marathon shows that off.

Ever wonder what it takes to run a half or whole marathon? It’s not something you do on a lark. You definitely don’t wake up on race day and say, “I think I’ll run 26.2 miles!”  It’s a feat that requires commitment, planning, hard work, training, execution and sticking to a plan. You have to keep pushing even when you are in pain. Toe nails fall off? You keep going. Do you have a leg cramp? You keep going. Because your goal is bigger than any pain you might feel.  And when you get to end, you realize the true victory isn’t just crossing the finish line. It’s all benefits that have come from your journey. You learn how to plan. You lose weight. Your heart is healthier. You might even get off various medications.  You eat a better diet because suddenly food becomes fuel. You learn that it’s easier to conquer a goal when you do with with friends. You learn resiliency when things go wrong. You seek out a good coach. And when it is over, you’re filled with the confidence of knowing that you’ve accomplished something that only .5% of Americans have done. What was once seemingly impossible to do is achievable.  All because you had the courage to chase long-term success instead of short-term gratification.

That’s a good metaphor for life — and how we can approach solving many of our state’s problems.

Poverty, education issues, the opioid crisis and other health issues (and other seemingly insurmountable issues that keep us low on the good rankings and high on the bad ones) are our state’s marathon. Even thinking about how to solve them is hard and overwhelming. But with the same kind of planning, hard work, training, execution, sticking to a plan and even more commitment, it’s a race we can win. While I don’t think our toenails will fall off, chances are we’ll experience exhaustion. It’ll require the courage to start. To get off the couch. To get moving. It will also requires focus. Because it’s much easier to chase after the instant gratification of complaining about the small things and ignoring the big ones. But the worthy goals are the hard ones. The ones that require faith, a plan and a lot of hard work. If we take those on, we all get stronger. And so do our kids. Because seeing a Mississippi kid succeed is medal worthy.

It’s winning Mississippi’s marathon.

In meantime, I’ll be chasing another half-marathon medal Saturday. I’m ready. I have a goal. A plan is in place. I’ve done the hard work and look forward to seeing my friends.  Thanks to race director John Noblin and all the hardworking staff and volunteers a great race awaits.

So to all the runners, break a leg.

Um, never mind. Just have a good race.

Posted in Blog, Writing | Leave a comment

Thoughts from the couch

Posted on January 17, 2018 by Marshall Ramsey

In 1973, Atlanta was crippled by a record ice storm (very similar to the epic 1994 North Mississippi storm). Pine trees snapped like twigs as families huddled in their cold, dark homes. It was at that moment I discovered being an adult wasn’t much fun.  I’d watch every morning as my dad slid up the street to work. I had the week off. He had to risk his neck to get into the office. I vowed to never grow up.

Forty-five years later, I’ve succeeded at my mission. I’m sitting in my home office working thanks to the wonderful invention of the Internet and laptops. (Adulting has gotten much easier in the 21st century.) The kids still get snow days — but I can work anywhere when Mississippi freezes over. And I can offer you insights and observations from my couch.

The school funding rewrite advances to the full House.  Twenty years ago, the Mississippi Legislature (who were Democrats) came up with the Mississippi Adequate Education Program (MAEP). Not the Mississippi Amazing Education Program. Or even then Mississippi Awesome Education Program  It was a complex formula designed to provide C-level funding to all schools districts, no matter what their current local funding level.  And in typical Mississippi Legislature fashion, they only funded it fully twice in 20 years. Then the Mississippi Supreme Court said they didn’t have to follow their own law. So basically, our state won’t even support adequate  Someone once said, “You can’t fix education by throwing money at it.” I’m not sure Mississippi has ever tried it.

Today we have new legislators (Republicans now) who want to rewrite how education is funded (or not really funded as the case might be). The 354-page bill is speeding through the process as I type.  Education spending is a huge chunk of the state budget.  If I were an legislator (you think Mississippi has frozen over now), I’d want to have more control over how that chunk of money is spent, too. But I’m not. I’m just a parent who worries about how my kids’ schools (which are thankfully very good) are funded.  I, like many parents who care deeply about their kids’ educations, will be watching this closely as the session progresses.

Pro tip: The best way to lobby someone is not to sexually harass them. Lobbyist Scott Levanway made shockingly inappropriate comments to Harrison County Supervisor Beverly Martin at a social gathering last week. When her husband called him, he initially said it was “a joke.” What were the comments? You’ll have to Google them. But not since Bill and Monica, have parents been pushed into THAT conversation with their kids. Martin, to her credit, called Levanway out. He then (correctly) apologized. But too often, comments like that are excused as just “boys being being boys.”  Maybe boys talk like that, but men don’t.  There’s a statue in front of the Capitol honoring the mothers, daughters and sisters of the state.  If you are in power, the next time you walk past it, ask yourself this: Would I want my mother, daughter, wife, sister, coworker or friend to be spoken to like that? I bet your answer is no.

Officials increase access to autism therapy. This is the best story I’ve read all week. With the increasing rates of children with autism, so many kids need to learn in different ways. And any parent who has a child on the spectrum can tell you, that education can be difficult to find and expensive.  Hats off to the state officials who brokered the agreement with BlueCross BlueShield, Magnolia Health and United Health care to remove the age cap on autism services coverage.  It used to be 8. As parents of these loving kids know, their child’s minds don’t stop growing at 8.

BP money should go to the Coast. I’m always amazed at the stories about lottery winners who go broke within five years. But after watching our legislature over the past couple of decades, it’s easy to see how it happens. You get a chunk of money (tobacco settlement for example) and say it will go for one thing. Then you use that money to cover spending shortfalls (or excesses) in other areas. Before you know it, it has disappeared like shrimp on an all-you-can-eat buffet. I agree with the Senate: This windfall should go for what it is intended: Restoring one of our state’s Crown Jewels.

Trump’s Health. The president’s medical exam revealed he is in tip-top mental and physical shape.  I’m not sure I totally believe that, but OK.  One humorous moment came was when Eric Trump said the media was out of shape compared to his father.  OK, Eric, I’ll take that bet. Your dad is welcome to run a marathon with me in May.  It’ll only take the amount of time of a round of golf and some light Tweeting.

And finally, thankfulness.  As the temperature struggles to get out of the teens, I’m thankful I have a house, a couch, electricity and natural gas and a heater that burns it.  And I’m also thankful I live in a city that is 12 one day and 70 by the weekend. It’s the gift of living in Mississippi.


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Running toward insight

Posted on January 11, 2018 by Marshall Ramsey
I ran four miles this morning in the dark mist. Potholes and pine combs threatened my footing. Hills burned my lungs. A couple of insights about life popped into my head — answers to questions I have sought for a couple of years. Somewhere around my third mile I understood why I am the way I am. That gave me another ten minutes to chew on that before my day started (which does as soon as I head back into the door).
 
I don’t recommend running for everyone. And I understand when people say they hate it. There are days when I hate it, too. But the drug that keeps me coming back is the insight that comes from my time thinking. (Well, the endorphins rock as well).
 
As I was driving to work, I noticed the clouds off to the east of I-55. There was one hole of sunlight peeking its way through the gloom. That’s what this morning’s run gave me.
 
I’m humbled. I flawed. I’m a slow runner. But more than anything, I am grateful. Moses had his burning bush. I have awkward and painful runs.
 
Thanks be to God.
Posted in Blog, Writing | Leave a comment

The State of the State

Posted on January 10, 2018 by Marshall Ramsey

Public speaking is Governor Phil Bryant’s superpower. He has a folksy gift of putting on his boots, jumping on the stump and delivering a homespun speech.  This year’s State of the State was classic Phil.  But as I listened, I wondered, “What would I say if I were governor?”  Well first of all, there is NO danger of me EVER being governor. While living in a museum, having a state plane and big SUV at my disposal (and having smart-aleck cartoonists draw me) is inviting, I am terrible at raising money and can’t remember names. So no fear: RAMSEY 4 GUV ain’t happened. But still, to have that platform to shape policy is a siren’s song (that would drag me into rocks, of course) for anyone who loves Mississippi and wants to see it get better.   So here’s my version of the State of the State. You’ll discover very quickly why I’d never be elected. Neither party would have me.

Thank you, Lt. Governor, for that warm introduction and for not calling me what you call me behind closed doors. (pause for laughter) Your leadership is appreciated — seriously. And good luck running for my seat.  Next to me is a woman who has put up with my BS for the past 25 years.  She doesn’t like crowds but is here anyway. For that, I am in her debt. To the legislators in the chamber, thanks for showing up. I know free coffee is a lure but I still appreciate you being here. And your leadership.  We have a lots of work to do together. I enjoy working with you.

The good news? Employment is high. People in Mississippi are working! Right now the unemployment rate is hovering just below 5%. That is good. Very good. But my job, as your governor is to work to bring better jobs into the state. I’m also working with business leaders and educators to improve our workforce.  And I don’t just mean just training, although our community colleges do a great job at that. No, I want our students to have the ability to think for themselves. That’s required in 21st century businesses.  And while many Mississippians are working they are having to work two and three jobs to make ends meet.  Better paying jobs and opportunities will improve that.  If people have more time to be with their families instead of scraping by, imagine how that will make all aspects of society better.

Mississippi is a gem.  Authors, writers, business people, athletes, musicians — you name it, we produce leaders in every field. My task as governor is to make sure that our children have the opportunities to become leaders HERE. For too long, our best and the brightest have felt like they’ve had to leave our state to make their dreams come true. Technology now allows people to work anywhere. So let’s make it Mississippi.  As a government, we need to make sure we are providing the services that make our state enticing for people who want to get away from crowded cities and polluted states. Mississippi is a natural paradise. Our job is to invest in our infrastructure to make it world-class. Just like you’d spend money fixing your leaking roof instead of buying a jet ski.

Now, I know that government is a bad word. I’ve even bashed it to get elected. But the irony is not lost on me. I AM the government. And you, the people of Mississippi, elect a government that mirrors who you are. If your local school or government isn’t working, that’s a sign you need to get involved.  I don’t believe the government is the answer to all our problems. But I also know you can’t burn the village to save it.  I want students to know that they have to get involved. No longer can we just whine on Facebook about our problems. We all need to get busy.

And let me address topic of the media for a second.  Yes, I am slightly biased because I used to a member of the Fourth Estate. But if someone came by your house and told you it was on fire, would you yell at her and tell her that only positive house is spoken here? Or scream “Fake Fire!”? Don’t get me wrong. I hate seeing my name drug through the news cycle. But I am a leader and I know that is part of leadership. I appreciate everyone who loves this state enough to work hard to reveal what we need to fix. That’s their job. Mine and your’s is to make that happen.

So much is going right in Mississippi. Our new history and civil rights museums tell a story that isn’t always sunshine and rainbows but is a powerful reminder: When we don’t hate each other, there is no mountain we can’t climb. We have some things to fix – together. I know that. You know that. Now, let’s go have dinner and then get busy.

God bless you. And God bless Mississippi.

 

Posted in Blog, Writing | Leave a comment

The Legislative Session

Posted on January 2, 2018 by Marshall Ramsey

Both Speaker of the House Philip Gunn (R-Clinton) and Lt. Governor Tate Reeves step up to a particle-board podium.  Reporters turn on their tape recorders. Lobbyists text local restaurants to make lunch reservations.

Speaker Gunn speaks first, “Ladies and gentleman — and Steve Holland, the 133rd regular session of the Mississippi Legislature is now in session.” He picks up a gavel and whacks the podium so hard it shatters. “Sorry, I forget my own strength sometimes. Now, where was I?”

He pulls out a sheet of paper and puts on his readers. “Here are a few of the things we hope to accomplish this session. First of all, we’ll pass the Mississippi Lottery. And I don’t mean the kind of lottery like when you wonder if the bridge you’re crossing will collapse. I mean a full-fledged Powerball-loving, not having to drive to Delta, Louisiana kind of lottery. In fact, I’m buying the first 100 tickets. Maybe I’ll win so we can afford to turn the heat back on in the Capitol.”

The crowd, seeing their breath in the cold and a bit confused at the Speaker’s sudden reversal on the lottery, chuckles nervously.

“Let me continue. We will fully fund MAEP today. No need to rewrite something we’ve hardly ever funded. Also, I have named Rep. Jay Hughes from Oxford to replace John Moore as the head of the House Education Committee. I’ve always loved his well-written and witty Facebook commentaries.”

Thump.

Tupelo Daily-Journal capitol reporter Bobby Harrison passes out from shock.

Speaker Gunn steps aside and Lt. Governor Tate Reeves steps up to microphone. He points over to a white-headed gentleman who is lurking behind a column.

“Dick Hall, is that you?”

The MDOT commissioner nods.

“I want to be the first one to tell you that we’re going to give you all the money you need to fix the infrastructure in Mississippi. Yup. Every single cent. We’ve been listening to you Dick and we care what you have to say. I’ve got the bonds sitting on my desk”

Thump. Dick Hall passes out next to Bobby Harrison.

“And to all the agency leaders, rest assured, your budgets will be funded to the amount you requested! And on top of that, you’ll get new state vehicles, too! Have I ever mentioned how much I love state vehicles.”

A representative from the Department of Mental Health steps up to do an intervention. The Lt. Governor cuts her off.

“And I just wanted you to know that your budget will be restored as well.  No hard feelings, right?”

Thump. The representative from the Department of Mental Health passes out, too.

“And with interest rates continuing to be so low, I recommend we raise our debt level to pay for infrastructure improvements all across state government. The Lt. Governor bumps his heart with his fist, “IHL, I’m looking at you. Build a few more buildings. Heck put your catering bill on the state’s credit card, too. Also, the Speaker and I are going to work to help fix Medicaid.” The Lt. Governor looks to a man who looks like he has been up all night crying and fighting a tiger with stomach cramps, “Drew Snyder, you’ve got this brother. Tell me how much and I’ll cut a check.”

Drew Snyder, interim head of Medicaid, passes out next to the others.

“While I fundamentally believe in reducing the size of Government, I also believe that taxpayers should get a government that works. Even if that means putting off tax cuts when state revenue has tanked.”

Governor Phil Bryant saunters into the room. He’s carrying a bloody axe.

“Why howdy y’all! Shucks fire, it has been a good day cuttin’ gub’ment here in Mississippi. Why revenue is shrinking’ faster than our population but your buddy Phil is on it.” He sits down and puts his boots on the table, “I’m here to announce a few things that will happen this session, too.  First of all, while I’m a fan of the current state flag, it’s time to come up with a new design. I’ll work with the legislature to make that happen right away.  Also, I’m all for school choice meaning I want all Mississippians to want to choose their local school.  Also, I’ve named myself a replacement for Thad Cochran’s senate seat. Forget my house in the country. I want to move to D.C.”

The stunned crowd stares at the three men. Suddenly Clarion Ledger capitol reporter Geoff Pender looks at his notes asks, “Wait a minute! Doesn’t the session end on April 1st this year?!?”

All three state leaders, with giant grins on their faces, say at the same time, “April Fool’s ya’ll!!”

 

 

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

2018: The start of a new journey

Posted on January 1, 2018 by Marshall Ramsey
I’m having a hard time remembering when it all started — but I think at least ten years ago would be a good place to start. Mother had open-heart surgery, nearly bled out and was in a coma for a few days. She was one of the toughest people I’ve known, at least genetically. But her body was in tough shape. Years of smoking, stress, inactivity etc. had ravaged her arteries and her lungs. COPD set in. It got much worse from there. Dad started slipping slowly and then dementia gripped him like wildfire. He water-skied at 78. He was in a memory-care home at 80. My sisters and I held his hand as he died in 2016 at the age of 81. I sat with mother as she almost died in the fall of 2016. An embolism took her quickly on Good Friday in 2017 — at the age of 81, too. I was selling books in Magee when I received that call. There was a lot in between and honestly, I have a tough time talking about some of it. I’ll just say that the only people who truly know what happened are my sisters and me. My parents, whom we loved, were taken care of until the end. Cleaning out the house was a chore but God smiled on us and found us a buyer before we even though about putting it on the market. I’m not sure any of us could have handled the stress of selling it. The house closed in late December. My parent’s story is almost done.
 
A few people had opinions and made sure we knew them. Considering they didn’t know the whole story, I allowed their criticisms to go in one ear and out the other. Our job as their kids were to make our parents had the resources and care they needed. They did — and then some. My sisters were magnificent in doing most of the work (they were there). We, as we had done since we were children, worked well together as a team.
 
I understood who my parents were much better after they died. And I understand why I am the way I am, too. Like an irritant to an oyster, the pain gave me pearls of wisdom I’ll keep for the rest of my life.
 
My take away? I would not trade my parents for anyone. They gave me a unique set of genes and talents that have given me a great life. Yes, I have some real quirks, too. But I am now aware of why I have them. Knowledge truly is power. My dad’s super power was his love of his family. He also had a wonderful sense of humor that I only wish I had. My mother gave me the much of the talent you see in the newspaper. She was my first supporter and for that, I am grateful.
 
Both supported my dream and raised me well.
 
I won’t lie to you: It was very hard. It was more than just the grief of their deaths — death alone would have been almost manageable. It was exhaustion brought on by being in constant fight or flight mode for years. My phone would go off several times a day because of some emergency.
 
And then it was over.
 
My phone went quiet. I began to turn inward and shut down. I look at my work and amazed I even was able to draw. Emails weren’t answered. Things fell through the cracks. I became difficult to live with. I suddenly had insight to who I was and I didn’t necessarily like what I was seeing. But I didn’t have the strength to deal with it. Exhaustion set in. Apathy followed along behind it. I can read some of the stuff I’ve written and tell I was in a mental hurricane. My beautiful wife and children paid a price.
 
I had someone actually tell me on Facebook to “suck it up, buttercup.”
Well, I did. I pushed through it, kept pushing, got up at 4 a.m. and moved when I wanted to quit. I’ve worked hard to make sense of the completely senseless. And no, I’m not there yet. I have a lot of work to do.
 
Why have I written this?
1. When I see when you lose a loved-one or a parent, I get it. I’m putting my arm around you and giving you a virtual hug (if I can’t give you a real one). This has given me empathy — something the world needs more of today.
2. When you are going through the pain of grief or of discovery, just know it will eventually get better. The pain will make you stronger. But don’t be afraid to reach out to others.
3. And as an apology to those I’ve let down.
 
You don’t learn and grow during the good times. I wish my parents had had a smoother exit but I am so grateful they were a part of my life for so long. My mother and I had a difficult relationship at the end, but I am grateful she lived long enough for me to understand her and therefore myself. I tried to save her my whole life — and couldn’t. But in the end, she will end up saving me.
 
2017 closed a big chapter in my life. I now enter 2018 stronger thanks to it.
 
It will be a Happy New Year indeed.
Posted in Blog, Writing | 1 Comment

Resolutions

Posted on December 26, 2017 by Marshall Ramsey

I’ve take this week off to rest up and look forward to 2018.  The house looks like it has been ransacked (we had a great Christmas) and the family is sleeping late. I’m up early, thinking about the year and wondering what 2018 will bring.  I’ll be honest, 2017 wasn’t particularly easy.  It’s enough to make you dread the coming year.

But dreading the coming year is declaring defeat before the game even starts. So as I work on my New Year’s Resolutions (yes, I do those), I’ve decided that 2018 will be my best year yet.  You have to have a solid foundation to start with after all.

What do I have in my favor? A great family. Jobs I love. Health. Resources. Those are all good places  to start.  What do I want to change? I want to improve on all I just listed.  OK, that’s done. Now to apply measurable goals to my resolutions.

Here’s a rough list of seven things I’ve come up with so far.

1. Get my stuff together

What: To get my financial affairs in order.  Why: After closing out my parents’ estate this year, the best thing my children can inherit is an organized estate — and less junk in our house. Budgets need to be made and lived by. Plans made. How: Get estate in order. When: Have everything done by April 15 (Tax Day seems to be a logical day to get everything finished.

2. Take control of my health

What: To not be a statistic. To lose 10 more pounds and to run a marathon. Why: Being a Mississippi citizen, I want to buck the unhealthy reputation we have.  I want energy and health to be the hallmark of life after 50, not misery, pills and pain.  And I want to have the strength to be a better father and husband. How: Eat little to no sugar. Exercise at least 30 minutes every day. Stretch. Practice breathing (meditation). My friend (and cardiologist) has challenged me to run a marathon with him in May. Training for that has begun. When: Every day from January 1 to December 31.

3. Read more.

What: Read at least 24 books in 2018. Why: Self-improvement — knowledge is power. How: Make a list of the books I want to knock out and start reading. When: Starting today.

4. Dust off the Serenity Prayer

What: Stop allowing the news to stress me out. Why: Worrying is wasting life. How: Quit worrying about things I can’t control and start attacking problems I can change. When: Now.

5. Use my talent more

What: Living the Parable of the Talents and living up to my potential. Why: Life is a precious, fleeting gift. I should be using my talents more than I am. How: Draw one cartoon per day in 2018. Paint one picture this year. Put more time and effort into my radio and TV shows. Write one post per day and one column per week. Produce a new book by November 2018. Quit staring mindlessly at the TV and Social Media. When: Starting January 2.

6. Be a better husband, father and friend.

What: Focus on other people, and live the Golden Rule. Be there for my friends and family. Why: I’ve watched someone I know suffer because she turned inward. Watching her last days taught me the secret to life is giving.  In my world, that is my time and my presence.  Your presence is the best presents you can give. How: Budgeting my time better. And when I am there, I should be THERE.  (A.k.a put down the phone! — a particularly bad addiction I have). When: Now.

7. Be proactive warrior

What: Don’t say you’re going to do something, just (as Nike Says) do it. This one applies directly to number four. Why: I have a bad tendency of worrying about things instead of just getting them done. That causes stress. And that stress can cause health problems. I’ve discovered there is an incredible energy in knocking things off your to-do list. How: Create daily prioritized to-do list and attacking it with 100% of my passion. When: January 1.

New Year’s Resolutions usually lie rottening the gutter by January 31st. Gym parking lots are empty. Scales see numbers that resemble the year before’s bloated numbers. (or are larger.)  The road to Hell is paved with good resolutions (intentions, but I think resolutions work in this case.)  But it’s time for all of us to stand up and make the changes we talk about on Social Media.  My list is pretty basic: Get organize, get healthy, read more, stop worrying about things I can’t change, use my talent, be there for people I care about and be proactive. But if I follow through, I won’t just change my life. I’ll change the lives of the people I care about.

That’s a resolution worth keeping.

Happy New Year! Thanks for reading my work and have a blessed 2018.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Writing | Leave a comment

A Modern Christmas Carol

Posted on December 20, 2017 by Marshall Ramsey

Scrooge sat in his office, warmed by the glow of the flat-screen TV in the corner. On it was a chryon screaming, “Breaking news: Massive Tax Package passes both House and Senate, signed into law.” Scrooged grinned. It would be a very merry Christmas after all. He recognized the young man with the gavel. A few years ago, he had entered Scrooge’s office asking for a donation. Scrooge had initially tried to shoo him away, thinking he was one of those do-gooder charity people. But the young man had hit Scrooge with a different pitch. He was running for Congress and would go to Washington to fight the deficit — with Scrooge’s help. Scrooge, being the businessman he was, immediately wrote a huge check for the young man’s superPAC. It was the best investment Scrooge had ever made.

Scrooge picked up his tablet and read The Wall Street Journal. Sure, the deficit would soar under this plan, but he’d benefit nicely — and that was all that mattered. His corporation, Scrooge and Marley, Inc. would have a lighter tax burden and he’d personally get a nice chunk of change to slip into his pocket. It was his money after all. He’d have to give that nice young man another donation.

“Crachit, put some more coal on the fire!”

Bob Crachit was Scrooge’s assistant, or a FTE (full-time equivalent).

“Yes sir, Mr. Scrooge. I see you’re supporting the coal industry whole heartedly today!”

Scrooge dreaded what was about to happen next. Whenever Crachit sucked up to Scrooge, he wanted something.

“Um, Mr. Scrooge, um, tomorrow’s Christmas. May I have the day off?”

“Oh go home and rob me blind for a day,” Scrooge grumbled. But he was actually in a pretty good mood. He had just gotten a huge Christmas present from Washington. Crachit left his office and another man entered.

“Merry Christmas Uncle!” Scrooge cringed at the sound of the voice. It was his annoying Millennial nephew. “I just wanted to come by and wish you well and invite you to dinner.”

Scrooge knew better. Thanks to a reduction in the inheritance tax, his nephew stood to make a fortune as soon as he bit the dust. He was just there to suck up. “No,” Scrooge growled. “Go eat your Ramen by yourself.”

That night, Scrooge limped back to his gated community. As he prepared to punch in the access code, the keypad turned into his old partner Jacob Marley’s face. It couldn’t be. Marley had died of a heart attack in 2008 as the markets crashed. Scrooge shook his head quickly, entered his mansion, poured himself a drink and sat down.

Clang, clang, clang! He heard chains dragging down the hallway. “Maria, is that you?” Scrooge called out for his housekeeper — but it was just him in the house.

“Scrroooooooge.” Jacob Marley’s ghost hovered in front of Scrooge. “My business was mankind,” Marley moaned. Oh Lord, don’t tell me Marley had become a whiny liberal, Scrooge thought. Marley continued, “You will be visited by three ghosts.”

Scrooge said, “No, I won’t. Ghosts are fake news and you are fake news. I just had the best day of my life and you aren’t going to screw it up.” Scrooge knew it was his drink talking to him but just in case, he continued the conversation. “And don’t come in here preaching personal responsibility. I’m successful. You’re dead.”

Marley shook his head. “You hard-headed old fool, Scrooge. It’s Christmas.”

Scrooge thought of all the money he had made today and said, “Humbug.”

Marley pulled out his iPhone 1 and made a quick call. The Ghost of Christmas Future floated into the room. Scrooge felt a chill and he was suddenly swept out of his chair and into a graveyard.

There was Crachit burying his sickly son Tiny Tim. The CHIP program (which provided Tiny Tim’s insurance) hadn’t been reauthorized in time and he had passed away. Then the spirit showed Scrooge another gravestone. Scrooge used the light on his smartphone to illuminate the name. “EBENEZER SCROOGE.” Scrooge looked at the dates and immediately woke up. He knew what he had to do.

The day after Christmas, Scrooge waited for Bob Crachit to arrive. “Bob, you’ve been an loyal employee, but I’ve outsourced your job. I’m giving you one-week severance for every year you’ve worked here. Gather your things and be gone.”

Scrooge watched Crachit walk out of the office stunned. It was just business afterall.

Marley was sitting over the corner shaking his head. “You don’t get it, do you?”

Scrooge just smiled and said, “Jacob, this isn’t a weepy Christmas movie. It’s reality. And if I’m going to croak, I’m going out on top. Now go haunt someone else. I’m busy making Christmas great again.”

Posted in Blog, Writing | Leave a comment

A Conversation with Santa

Posted on December 12, 2017 by Marshall Ramsey

Dateline: The North Pole

As I trudged down the ramp of the giant cargo plane, I was greeted by a short man with pointed ears. Snow whipped around us like a leaf in a hurricane as his high-pitched voice pierced the roar of the engines, “Welcome Mr. Ramsey, I’m Randy the Elf.

I shook his tiny hand and lugged my suitcase off the plane.

“The main house is this way. Big Dog is waiting on you.”

Little did I know that Big Dog was Santa Claus’ security name.  One look would make you understand why.  He was 6’4″ and probably 325 lbs with bright pink cheeks. He chuckled as I approach as his belly jiggled like, well, a bowl full of jelly.

“Marshall! It’s good to see you!”

I was a little surprised he knew my name, but as we set up for the interview, I remembered that he knew if I was naughty or nice. Of course he knew my name. In a candid moment, he looked over at his TV. A panel of people on cable news were arguing over a no-brainer moral question.

“People have seemed to forgotten that the Naughty list has nothing to do with political affiliation.”

Soon the crew had the lights set up and cameras ready.  We both settled into our giant green plush chairs.  I pulled out a list of questions.

Are you real?

“Do I look real? Of course I’m real. I live in the hearts of those who believe and in every mall across America.”

So you haven’t been banned from any malls?”

“I’m not Roy Moore.”

I don’t think he cared for that question.  I went back to my list.

Age? Are you married? Do you have any aliases?

“I’m timeless. Mrs. Claus, who is at Bunko tonight, is my bride. I do go by several names. Google it.”

Let me ask you about your operation.

“Claus, Inc. Is a multinational corporation with factories across the globe. Ireland recently made us pay back taxes but I have our headquarters here to avoid high tax rates. I am hopeful the corporate tax cut being pushed by the Republicans will go through. I could use the cash to buy reindeer food.”

You brought up delivery, how do you deliver toys in one night?

“You know Dasher, and Dancer, and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen, but do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?”

I answered, “Rudolph?”

Santa chuckled, “No, the UPS/FedEx/Postal delivery person.”  He seemed quite pleased with that answer.

Another political question, what do you think about our current President?

Santa rubbed his whiskers carefully before he answered, “You know those Tweets he sends?  Well, let’s just say he has truly made coal great again.”

Speaking of coal, how has global warming affected your operation?

“We lost our old factory to melting ice three years ago. That’s part of the reason I’ve moved my operations across the globe.”

What are you going to give Mississippi this year?

“The two museums was an early Christmas gift.  And a nice December snowfall for Central and South Mississippi, too.”

What about the war on Christmas?

“I watch a fair amount of Fox News and hear about that.  There is no formal war on Christmas.  The only place where there is a war is in peoples’ hearts.  Have you read Twitter lately?  People are so angry and hateful. They are self-proclaimed victims and are suspicious and jealous of everything.  THAT is the true war on Christmas. The reason for the season is the message of love brought to the world by that special little baby born that day.”

Your favorite Christmas TV special?

“I love Santa Claus is Coming to down. (Santa starts to sing “One foot in front of the other.”). Rudolph is good, too. Bumbles bounce, you know. I had a couple of elves who wanted to be dentists before the downsizing. But I love “A Charlie Brown Christmas.” The scene where Linus tells us about the real meaning of Christmas is divine.”

How about Christmas song and movie?

Santa Claus is Coming to Town by Bruce Springsteen and A Christmas Carol with George C.Scott — although I am partial to It’s a Wonderful Life, too.  I’m a big sap for happy endings. I starred in the original Miracle on 34th Street.”

Is there really an island of Misfit Toys?

“Yes. The Returns Department at Target. ”

Am I on the nice list?

“Don’t push your luck Ramsey. Don’t push your luck.”

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in Blog, Writing | Leave a comment

December 8, 1941

Posted on December 7, 2017 by Marshall Ramsey

December 7, 1941 is the date that lives in infamy, but December 8, 1941 is the date when America started to pick itself off the ground. The Pacific Fleet’s battleships lay in ruin. Oil burned on the harbor. Rescuers desperately attempted to help trapped sailors in the U.S.S. Oklahoma. Marines and Army troops fought futile battles in the Philippines, Guam and Wake Island. Germany had yet to declare war on the U.S. but three days later, the country would be sucked into that conflict, too. I’m not sure how Franklin Roosevelt and all the military leaders handled December 8th. Being in the fetal position would’ve been most people’s choice, I’m sure.

But we looked around and saw what we still had going for us. The Japanese did not hit the U.S. Navy’s aircraft carriers. They were out at sea. Fuel tanks and dry docks were also untouched. Within a few months, all but three battleships (the U.S.S. Arizona and U.S.S. Utah still remain in the harbor, the U.S.S. Oklahoma was raised for salvage) had been raised and sent back to war. Aviation legend Jimmy Doolittle and his raiders sent Japan a message when they bombed the mainland with their surprise attack. Marines stopped the Japanese in Guadalcanal. U.S. Carrier planes turned the tide of the war in Midway. The rest is history.

December 8th, though was truly the turning point. We had been punched in the mouth. We could have folded or fought. We chose to fight.

Think about this in your own life. You get punched in the mouth by life. What do you do? Complain? Whine? Fold? Quit? Or do you look around, see what you have in your favor and fight back?

It’s a good question to ask yourself.

But for right now, I salute the remaining Americans who fought back after Pearl Harbor. You went through Hell and returned forged tougher than steel.

Posted in Blog, Writing | Leave a comment