Hope is word that gets thrown around a bunch these days. But I think we live in a time when really need more of it. H.O.P.E. stands for the four pillars of my life that help me get through my biggest struggles. Each letter stands for something that reduces stress and propels me through life.
H stands for Humor. It shouldn’t shock you that I think that laughing at the things that drives you crazy is good medicine.
Immediately after my melanoma diagnosis, I nearly went crazy. When your own skin tries to kill you, it can and will stress you out. I think my parents realized that (they are both cancer survivors) and that may have had something to do with our family vacation that year. My sisters and their families joined my parents and my family in Destin, Florida. Of course, there is something inherently wrong with taking a skin cancer survivor to the beach, but I digress. While they were out on the beach, I was in watching Dr. Phil. I’m like a fork in microwave — I spark in the sun. So I avoid the direct sun during the middle part of the day.
About six that night, I decided to go for a swim. I took my shirt off and ran toward the surf. When I got there, there was a mom and two little girls swimming in the ocean. The mom noticed my six-inch scar on my back and stared right at it. It was big, red and ugly. Now, I’m not used to women staring at me (it doesn’t happen often) so I felt self-conscious. Actually, I felt annoyed.
I had a choice. I could be ticked off or I could make a joke. I made a joke and have been telling the joke for 14 years.
She noticed that I had noticed and felt embarrassed. I pointed at the scar and said, “Oh, this.” She nodded sheepishly. I then said, “It was a shark attack and it happened right where your girls are playing.”
She scooped up her girls and ran out of the water. My wife was over on the beach shaking her head.
That joke was an epiphany for me. I use the same techniques I use when I draw cartoons and apply them to my life. You will hear me making jokes. Sometimes they are inappropriate. But at the end of the day, they are my survival mechanism. H stand for Humor. Lord knows we could use a lot more of it in this world today.
O — Opportunity to serve.
I didn’t tell anyone about my melanoma for about a year. In fact, I didn’t even miss a cartoon. I’d work for three hours and sleep for six. I was determined to keep everything inside and push forward like nothing had happened. But as I mentioned in the H part, I was falling apart inside. So one day, I wrote a column about my experience and how to detect a melanoma. Suddenly, my e-mail box filled with responses from people who said they were getting checked because they read my column.
The fourth doctor I went to found my melanoma. I was searching for a purpose for why I lived when so many didn’t.
It was at that moment, I found it. I was going to take the fight to the disease that had tried to kill me.
The Clarion-Ledger community room was full of cancer survivors. I had been named the Honorary Chairman for the American Cancer Society’s Hinds County Relay for life. As I stood there sipping my water, a fellow cancer survivor came up to me and said, “Thank God you just had skin cancer.” It was that moment I realized that most people didn’t realize how deadly melanoma really is. And with melanoma, early detection (and awareness is the key.)
Soon afterwards, my friend and coworker Keith Warren and I started Run from the Sun. It was an afternoon 5K race built around a free skin screening. I got busy getting on the radio and on the speaking circuit talking about sun safety.
I was given a blessing — the gift of life. I was doing everything I could to pay it forward.
Soon my fear began to fade like my scar.
One day I was driving down the interstate and tuned into a local sports radio program. I heard a caller talk about how he had heard my story and went to get checked. The doctor found a melanoma that had started to spread. But he had been treated and was cancer free. He told how he had a chance to see his son grow up because of my story.
I pulled over and cried.
I don’t know why I am here. Too many good people who had the same disease aren’t. But serving others is helping me find the reason. And although it’s not about me, I’m benefiting from it.
O is the opportunity to serve. It’s about paying your gifts forward.
P — Physical well-being
The sun peeked over the horizon, kissing the clouds and creating a red/orange blanket the covered that football field. But I didn’t notice. I was pushing a board to the 20-yard line and back. Sweat poured down my face and my heart raced. From 5 a.m. until 6 p.m., I left my fat and sweat out on the football fat during my bootcamp.
If this were a book, this chapter would be the longest. I can’t stress enough how important physical well-being is to your success in life. Virgil was right when he said, “The greatest wealth is health.” I realized that when my own skin tried to kill me.
Just remember this: If you don’t take care of your body, your body can’t take care of you.
That involves diet, exercise and stress-reduction. You can’t eat junk food and sit on the couch and expect long-term health. Eating a bowl full of pills isn’t a good solution, either. It’s expensive. And you generally feel like crap. And if you feel like crap, you don’t have the energy to achieve great things.
Personally, I do an hour of aerobic/strength training four days a week and aerobic exercise two more days. I rest on Sundays. I also try to eat healthy. At this point, if I eat junk food or fast food (the same), I feel sluggish and rundown — like I put sugar in my gas tank. Oh yes, then there is sugar. I’m addicted to it and have made a real effort to cut it out of my diet. That’s tough to do. Processed food is loaded with it. It’s in those delicious, fizzy drinks. I’ve tried to find natural substitutes. I keep apples or bananas in my bag and eat a little snack every two hours to keep my blood sugar even. Since I’m active, I seek out complex carbohydrates. They give you a more even form of energy because of the fiber involved slows your body’s release of insulin. I have self-medicated with sugar before when I was down. That is a huge mistake because the crash afterwards leaves you craving more sugar.
It’s a vicious cycle. One that once left me at 250 lbs. Today, I’m 210lbs. and eight inches smaller in the waist just from moderately monitoring my diet and exercising regularly.
Right after one of the most stressful times of my life, I got shingles. Then I got a melanoma. My body was telling me something! Stress kills your immune system and causes all kinds of problems from inflammation to heart and vascular damage. Our bodies can’t handle being in the fight or flight mode 24/7. We have to learn how to unplug and unwind — and I know that’s hard — I have three kids and eight careers! But exercise helps me some — and acts as a natural antidepressant. I’m also trying breathing exercises and meditation. Trust me, it’s not easy to focus in this chaotic world we live in. But just know your life depends on it.
None of this is rocket science. We know what we have to do. But sometimes, it feels awesome to sit on the couch and each ice cream. I think about the advice former football player turned actor Rosie Greer once gave about weight loss, “Instead of eating the whole cake, I eat one piece.”
Take care of your body so it can take care of you.
E- E stands for Education
When I was diagnosed with a melanoma in-situ, I thought in-situ meant, “Buy coffin.” It’s Latin for “In place.” My melanoma was still in the radial phase (growing outward, not downward) and was 100% curable. But I freaked out anyway because I didn’t know that.
Imagine how less stress I would have had if I had known what the terminology meant.
Of course, we have the internet. You can find any kind of knowledge that you want on the internet. Some is helpful, some isn’t. So let me say that you have to educate yourself from reliable sources. I relied on my doctor, melanoma.org and several good books on the topic. I ate the topic up like my life depended on it. Come to think of it, it DID depend on it.
My point is this: You have to be able to carry on a good conversation with your healthcare provider. Doctor’s aren’t Gods. They’re brilliant people with more and more piled on their plate every single day. Same goes for mechanics, accountants, plumbers, etc. Whatever problem you have, you have to take charge. And educating yourself is the first step.
It also reduces your stress.
When I got the call for my malignant melanoma (a much more serious diagnosis than a melanoma in-situ), I was able to ask important questions that allowed me to quickly ascertain my situation. I knew my melanoma had been caught fairly early and my odds for 10-year survival were good. I knew the doctor was following the proper procedure and I understood what I was up against. Sure, I was worried. But not as worried as when I thought I was going to die from something 100% curable.
It’s easy to go through life like a water bug skimming over the surface. But it’s also an expensive and stressful way when things go awry. We have too much information at our fingertips now to remain in the dark. When things get bad, get busy learning. Knowledge is truly power. And acting on that knowledge will, as it did in my case, save your skin.
Thank you, thank you! I was diagnosed today with melanoma and was directed to your website by a friend of yours, Roy Duhe. I needed to read these words.
Thank you so much.. Was so touched and now I have learnt how to come to have hope… Be blessed darling