Christmas shopping? Bah humbug

God bless retailers. I could make a joke about “the Maul” but honestly, I respect everyone who works in the retail industry. I couldn’t do it.  I’d rather have a job flossing lions at the circus.  Me and crowds of shoppers go together like President Obama and Fox News.

I really hate shopping.

Thank goodness my wife does most of the it at Casa de Ramsey. Don’t get me wrong, she’s not big on it either. But she realizes if she doesn’t step in and buy gifts, everyone in our families will get gift certificates to McDonalds. Or worse.  If I had been one of the Wisemen, the baby Jesus would have gotten a gift card.  I’d never  have never gone to Frankincense, Gold and Myrrh ‘R’ Us and fought the last-minute crowds.  I’m sure camel parking was as hard as finding a space is today.

This year is in the can. We’re done except for me making one more trip to get something nice for my wife. She’s been super good this year, particularly this last month.  Her dog died and her deadbeat husband’s job half-evaporated.  So she deserves more than a gift card to Bass Pro Shops.  I’m building up my strength and taking patience pills.  I’ll hold my breath and make my strike mission.  I’ll got and find the perfect gift.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the bastard child of Scrooge.  I believe in Christmas.  The real meaning of it and the commercial side.  No one stole it from me.  I don’t need three Ghosts or a bunch of annoying Who’s to teach me the meaning of it.  I just need everyone not to go to the store at the same time as I do.

Come to think of it, I might just cheat and shop online.  Really. It’s sounding better and better. I can go to lazymenwhohateshopping.com and wait for the UPS Santa to show up at my door.  So thank you Al Gore for inventing Internet shopping. I might just get you a gift card this year, too.