The Magic Lamp

Debris filled the landscape as far as the eye could see. The smell of death filled his nose. It was September 3, 2005 and Hurricane Katrina had dealt its horrible blow to the Mississippi Gulf Coast. He was there helping with Search and Recovery. So far, it was more recovery than search.

He pulled up the boards off an empty space and cringed as he peeked under the them. As best as he could tell,  this used to be a house. There weren’t too many landmarks left in this part of Hancock County.  The surge had blasted in over 30 feet, leaving debris in the trees. “OK, Mother Nature, you have my respect now,” he thought.

As he lifted the second board, he noticed a battered, brass lamp.  While he wasn’t there to treasure hunt, something about the old relic intrigued him.  He picked it up. “It’s a genie,” he laughed to himself.  Little did he know, he was right.

What Hurricane Camille had taken, Hurricane Katrina had given back. This lamp, brought back from Saudi Arabia in 1967 by an Air Force Airman at Keesler Airbase had been swept out to sea in the storm surge of the worst hurricane to hit the Gulf Coast in history.  Worst until Katrina roared ashore a few days ago.  The man rubbed the lamp and laughed.

He stopped laughing when a giant man appeared before his very eyes.

“I will give you three wishes!” the Genie bellowed.

“Who are you?” the man asked in a meek and extremely shocked voice.

“I am the Genie of opportunity.”

“What?!?” The man was very doubtful.

“I grant wishes but not like most genies. I grant you opportunities to make your wishes to come true.”

The man looked at the lamp and thought, “Of all the genies, I have to get this nutjob.”

“What’s a nutjob?” asked the Genie inquisatively.

“Never mind,” the man said.  “I wish for all this to be cleaned up.”

“Your wish is my command.”

Nothing happened.

The man scoffed, “Some genie you are.”

Suddenly more people showed up in a van.  A worker came over to the man and said, “We’re here to help. Let’s get this lot cleaned off by dinnertime.”

And they did.

The man was sitting there as the sun set off toward New Orleans, eating his MRE and holding the lamp between his knees.  He rubbed the lamp a second time. “I ask for patience.”

“Your wish is my command” bellowed the genie.

The man found himself back home with his twins screaming and the phone ringing. A pot was boiling over on the stove.  “OK, I get it.  I am to LEARN patience not just be given to me as a gift.”

And once he changed his attitude about his situation, his life was changed forever.

He then rubbed the lamp one more time.

“I wish for great wealth.”

“Your wish is my command.”

The man suddenly was sitting in his bosses’ office holding a pink slip. “AW C’MON!” the man screamed. “How will getting laid-off in the middle Great Recession make me rich?”

The Genie smiled and went back into the bottle.  The man sat there for a minute and realized he needed to get moving. By not being tied down to job, the man was able to try a few new things.  A few new things led to more new things.  Each new opportunity opened new and exciting doors. He was outside of his comfort zone and discovered it was a great place to hangout. He got busy. He HAD to get busy.  He needed to keep his house.

Ten years later, the man sat at his desk in the office building in Jackson. He looked up at the shelf at a battered old lamp. “Thank you, Genie.  Stop by if you’re in the neighborhood.”

The man smiled.  He took the lamp off the shelf one more time and the Genie came out.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me. Thank yourself. I just gave you circumstances in which you could learn and achieve what you asked for.  That’s what I do.  You’re the one who deserves all the credit. You did the work.”

The now-rich man smiled and set the lamp back on the shelf.  His work here was done.

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The Fourth Quarter

Life’s game had been hard fought.

The first half was all him.  He had run up and down the field, scoring at will.  By the end of the second quarter, he was sitting on a comfortable lead.  He was in control, cruising on his talent alone. But something happened at halftime.

He got complacent.

The third quarter turned into a rout.  Instead of sticking to his winning game plan, he began to play it safe and hold onto the ball.  First, a few calls went against him.  Then the opposition starting taking cheap shots.  They got inside his helmet. He fumbled and began to make dumb mental mistakes.  Suddenly with five minutes remaining in the third quarter, he fell behind.

He was tired. He was bloody. He was broken.

But he was still in the game.

He hastily revised his game plan and managed to score one more time before the third quarter ran out. Out there on the field, he looked into the stands at all who believed in him.  He then swiveled his head and looked at those who didn’t.  At that moment, he held up his hand, raising four fingers.

It was the fourth quarter. His quarter.

He ran to the sideline and huddled with his coach. There they developed a new game plan.  It was time to go back on the offensive. The first three quarters were history. This was about now. He reached down deep into his heart and re-lit the desire that had gotten him to this game in the first place.  He knew that those who played hardest then they were tired won the game. Victory would not just be had by what happened on the field. No, victory would also happen because of what went on inside his helmet.

During the Fourth Quarter. His quarter. His game.

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Wednesday Free-For-All

4:51 a.m.

Good morning! Have a great day!

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A night at the Fox Theater

He was a ten-year overnight success.

The lights in the hall dimmed, making the faces in front of him vanish before his eyes. But he could feel the audience’s energy. It flowed through his body.  He felt it as his heart beat in his chest.

He had arrived.  This was his moment. No, it was His moment.  The entertainer knew that he was just borrowing the talent that had brought him here tonight.

His eyes watered when he thought of his parents. How they had believed in him when no one else had.  He thought of the long nights on the road. His fatigue. The number of people who doubted his ability. And then there were the smokey bars. And the late, late nights. A slight smile flickered across his face.

His right hand reached up and grabbed the microphone, one finger at a time. Slowly. Very slowly. He savored the moment.  He pulled it from the mic stand and took a deep breath.  One. Two. Three. Four.

He exhaled.  It was time.

The spotlight came on.  His mouth opened and he told his first joke.  The room erupted in laughter. Four thousand six hundred and seventy eight people were wrapped around his finger.

He was the headliner. After 3,650 days of blood, sweat and dreams, his star rose that night in the Fox Theater.

He, like the rest of the room, just had to laugh.

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CARTOON: The trainwreck

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The rescue

Heard a squawk from the kitchen. My four-year-old decided he was hungry, so he pushed a stool over to the washing machine and climbed up on it.  After standing on the washer and raiding the cereal in the cabinet, he couldn’t get down.  I found him sitting, dejected, busted and waiting for rescue.  It’ll be a picture I’ll show his prom date.

Of course, instead of rescuing him right away, I took his picture.

Dad of the year, folks. Dad of the year.

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The Day D.C. Stood Still

The giant rotating alien spacecraft hummed and hovered over Washington, D.C.  A single rope ladder emerged from the bottom, tickling the shadow on the grass below.  “We can travel across galaxies but we can’t even afford a transporter?” the little green man grumbled as he eased down the ladder onto The National Mall.

The National Guard had the alien craft surrounded.  Protesters holding signs that read, “No more illegal aliens” chanted at the aliens from near the Air & Space Museum.  News reporters wondered if the craft’s appearance had something to do with Casey Anthony.

It was a normal day in Washington.

As two F-22 fighter jets roared past and M-1A2 tanks rolled down The Mall, the bottom opened up again and another alien gingerly crawled down the rope.  Both aliens stood at the bottom, blinked their giant eyes to get the sleep out of them and stretched. One Hundred Trillion Gazillion miles without a bathroom break was murder on the joints and the bladder.

A fat General with a bullhorn stood safely behind a row of Privates and shouted, “What are your intentions.?!? Do you speak English?!?” The anti-illegal immigration protesters booed.

The aliens turned toward the fat General and made the universal alien gesture of peace. Unfortunately it was their middle finger.

The crowd gasped as the soldiers cocked their rifles.  The aliens, taken aback by the sudden show of hostility, pressed the universal translators on their space suits. “WE COME IN PEACE, EARTHLINGS. TAKE US TO YOUR LEADERS.”

The Army stood down and a black limo roared up between the alien craft and the Fat General.  The aliens got inside, popped the top on a Diet Mountain Dew and sat back as the limo roared up The Mall to the U.S. Capitol.

Onlookers in the Capitol looked stunned as the two aliens marched into the room deep in the bowls of America’s most distinctive Government building. Inside the room were Congressional members and the President, who were trying to hammer out a deal on the Debt Ceiling and future budget cuts. The President offered them Reeses Pieces.

The aliens, stunned, turned around and immediately headed back to their space ship. They climbed up the ladder, closed the hatch and blasted into the blue D.C. sky, never to be seen again.

The last transmission picked up by NORAD as the aliens left the Earth was this:

“WENT TO EARTH. ASKED TO MEET THEIR LEADERS. FOUND NONE.”

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CARTOON: The Shuttle’s last mission

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On the drive in this morning…

The orange sunrise was kissing downtown Jackson this morning, leaving its lipstick on every reflective surface and piece of glass.

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Tuesday Free-For-All

4:50 a.m.

What’s up with you?

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