Right now, our brothers and sisters up North are laughing at us (just like we laugh at them when they melt when it gets over 75 degrees). They think it is downright hilarious that we can’t drive in snow. Well, for the record, we can drive in snow. What we can’t do is drive on several inches of ice. And I don’t think our Northern friends can either. Add to the misery is that the only plow we have is connected to a mule. We believe that salt goes in margaritas and not on roads. We don’t live in the frozen tundra (Boston) so we don’t have the experience of driving on white death. I mean, c’mon, it was 80 degrees here yesterday. Add to it, I can make a solid case that we can’t even drive when it is sunny. (don’t even mention rain — there will be 100 car pile-up on the Waterworks Curve.)
So here are a few tips for coping with driving on today’s sleet and ice.
1. Get the Flu. Staying home is your best option.
2. Act like you have the Flu. Even better. That way you won’t have the flu.
3.Get your teaching degree. You stand a better chance of staying home when there is ice. Administrators try to avoid buses full of children from plunging off of icy bridges.
4. When you get to a bridge, slam on the brakes. Seriously, don’t do that. But I seems like most of you do. Ease off the gas and coast across the bridge instead.
5. Black Ice is not an illegal drug made in a RV by a guy name Walter White. If the road looks wet and the temperature is below 32, it’s safe to say the road is icy.
7. Elevated surfaces freeze first. That includes bridges, overpasses, culverts and politicians’ egos.
8. Scrape your windshield — unless you like driving blind. Apparently some of you do.
9. Pray. Because it seems like most of the cars around you have decided to let Jesus take the wheel.
10. Wait and let others do the wrecking for you. If you can telecommute, great. If not, let the trailblazers get out there and play demolition derby for you.
Bonus: Have a buddy with a 4×4 truck and a chain on speed dial.
Godspeed folks. And remember. When in doubt, slam on your brakes. Life is too short. Make it shorter.