Seconds tick on the giant red clock in the studio:
9:59:58
9:59:59
10:00:00
An “On Air” sign illuminates as the host’s voice begins to fill the room.
“Good morning and happy Father’s Day. This is Sunday conversations and I’m your host, Nick Talkalot. Today we have a very special Father’s Day guest, the Father of our country himself, President George Washington. President Washington, welcome.”
George Washington fidgets, still uncomfortable being in a room full of electricity, lights and microphones.
“Uh, hello?”
Nick Talkalot positions the mic closer to Washington’s mouth.
“Um, I’m glad to be here … Er, I think. I mean yesterday I was dead and here I am sitting here with you.”
“So, President Washington, What are your impressions of the 21st Century?”
“I don’t know. Like I said, one minute I’m, um, dead. The next minute I’m having a really bizarre nightmare. But seriously, the U.S. Is nearly 240 years old and you can’t come up with better people to run for president? Forget throwing tea into Boston Harbor. I can think of a few candidates who should be tossed. If I’m the father of this country, the kid needs a good spanking.”
Nick Talkalot chuckles, drinks a sip of coffee out of a mug with his picture on it and continues, “So, what do you think of your legacy. I mean, you’re on one of these.”
Talkalot, forgetting radio isn’t exactly a visual medium, holds up a dollar bill.
Washington: “Well, I must not be too popular. It takes nearly 3,000 of those to go see a musical about Alexander Hamilton. I told him to watch out for Burr. And they named a town after me where all the politicians are? I’m not sure that’s a compliment. My monument looks like I’m compensating for something. Well, like that Trump guy said, I have big hands.”
Talkalot chuckles. “So what’s your favorite thing about 2016 so far?”
Washington rubs his chin. “Well, dentures have come a long, long way. And Game of Thrones is damn good television — that is what you call that box with movie paintings on it, isn’t it? Accidentally found a channel with disrobed women on it. Took me about 15 minutes to figure out how to change the channel. Oh, your muzzleloaders sure can fire a lot of bullets these days. But I’d say that air conditioning is my favorites. People really smelled bad back in the summer of 1776. Wool gets kind of itchy, too. I could have used a portable heater back at Valley Forge.”
Talkalot looks down at his pad of paper. “So, would you consider running for president again?”
Washington: “Well, the Constitution limits me. But if we can dig Martha up, she might be up for the job. She’d be better than what we have now.”
Talkalot looks amazed, “Really?”
Washington grins a woody grin and says, “I can not tell a lie.”
Talkalot looks at the big red clock and says, “More with the Father of Our Country after this break. This is Sunday Conversations on DC Public Radio.”