The Asteroid

Asteroid 1023x headed rapidly toward the Earth. It was a planet killer; an asteroid a little larger than the one that wiped out the dinosaurs. The young, panicked scientist burst through his bosses’ door with his iPad in his hand.

“SIR! YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS!”

His boss, the head of NASA, was busy playing Angry Birds on his phone. He looked up angrily at the young MIT grad and said, “I told you not to bother me.”

“BUT SIR!”

“Oh stop yelling and let me see what you have.” The head of NASA looked at the iPad and then dropped it. “SON OF A PLANET KILLER!”

Word was instantly conveyed to the White House and Congress.

“How long until it hits,” President Obama said looking at the head of NASA.

“Six months.”

“We can’t send Bruce Willis on a Shuttle can we?”

“Um sir, the Shuttles are retired and that was a movie.”

The President looked weary. “This is worse than I thought. We need a new Government program to study this problem.”

“Um sir, why don’t we launch rockets to knock it out?

“OK, but as long as they are paid for by tax hikes on the rich.”

The Chief of Staff Bill Daley came in the room. “Speaker Boehner is on TV.”

The President turned on the TV and watched as the Speaker (sporting a great tan and a green tie) began to speak.

“Dear America. I am Speaker of the whole House and am concerned that the President of the United States will use this asteroid as an excuse for more Government Spending. We will only allow nuclear rockets to be launched if there are equivilant budget cuts and a balanced budget amendment. America has a debt problem.”

The President looked at the TV and said, “We have to respond to him and the Tea Party. How will this affect my chances of re-election?”

“Um sir, if this hits, there won’t be a re-election.”

Gridlock ensued.

For six months, there was a tit-for-tat about how to pay for the rockets that were to be launched at the asteroid. World markets collapsed. The economy went into a Depression. Americans looted stores. Panic ensued. Fox News blamed the President. MSNBC blamed the Republicans. Some talking heads on TV and radio said, “Let the asteroid hit.” But most Americans believed the sign over Times Square that read, “It’s the Asteroid, Stupid.”

It was just as the Mayans had predicted.