The associate publisher waved the tickets at me and said, “They’re prime seats. How’d ya like to go?” They were tickets to the circus. Front row tickets to the circus. I was a lowly advertising artist and had a new girlfriend –these were tickets to her heart. She’d be so impressed. She’d know I had connections. That I was important.
We started the evening with a big, delicious Mexican dinner. We stuffed ourselves with burritos smothered with beans, meat and sauce. Afterwards, we headed downtown to the circus. I parked the car, opened her door and held her hand as we hunted our seats. Our front-row seats.
I could tell she was impressed by the twinkle in her eyes. YES! A huge impression was about to be made. Send in the clowns!
We found our seats (did I mention our front row seats?). The lights dimmed. The music started. The spotlight went to the tunnel at the end of the arena. Giant, majestic gray beasts lumbered out of the darkness. The elephant parade had begun.
They were coming right at us. We had front row seats for the amazing pachyderm parade. Elephant after elephant marched right by us. I smiled. I could tell my date was REALLY impressed. Never has there been a more impressive sight. We could reach out and touch the magnificent creatures.
What I didn’t know was that apparently the parade was sponsored by Ex-Lax. Every single elephant had dysentery. Bad. And every single elephant waited right until they got in front of my date to drop his or her toxic load.
Splat.
The popcorn soon hit the ground.
Splat.
My date started to turn pale.
Splat.
The smell soon overwhelmed the sight and the sound.
Splat.
My date looked at me (tasting her Mexican food for the second time) and weakly said, “Can we go?” There was no hand-holding on the way back to the car.
So that’s the true story of the amazing pooping pachyderm parade. I’m really not sure why my wife married me, to be honest. But I do know this much: We haven’t been to a circus since.
That is such a touching story. I could not stop laughing. Your talent in writing and art are growing stronger everyday. Thank you for sharing your talent.
Thank you. I wish it was a work of fiction. It’s not.
LOL!!!
LOL…Great story whether it is true or not. We went to the Zoo on a wonderful Spring Sunday afternoon with several children, probably the oldest was 12. Every pair of animals in the whole place were amourous and active. My husband kept walking faster and the children kept stopping more. Lots of questions and answers that day. Oh, well, guess it replaced growing up on a farm for some city kids.
My sons love the peeing rhino at the San Diego zoo. I was pretty impressed with it, too. Think fire hose.
Marshall, there must be something about those creatures, because every time we visit the Memphis Zoo, their rhino is waiting for us…so he can start spraying and splattering!!!
Great story!
Great one, Marshall. Shared the smile with friends.
Just read the story to my wife. Made her laugh.
So funny!! It is amazing you ever saw her again!!
Pingback: A collection of my short stories | Marshall Ramsey
Marshall,
Jill and I were at a Sigfreid and Roy show back in the early 90s. Either Sigfreid or Roy came out riding on an elephant. The elephant was walking on a cat walk that stretched in a semi-circle above (about eye level) and through the first 20 rows.
This particular elephant must have been drinking water all day. I know this because he waited until his triumphant march down the catwalk and through the crowd to “make water” as Morgan Freeman said in “Driving Miss Daisy.”
His elephant-sized appendage swung from side to side and the only term that comes to mind is “fire hose” as the “water” hit the runway and splashed violently back-and-forth on either side of the runway. Unlike the Gallager show further down the Strip, no one at the Mirage passed out ponchos or Visqueen before the performance and hundreds walked through the casino floor after the show soaking wet.
The next day Jill and I got married by an Elvis impersonator named Norm.
RSJ
Thanks for sharing. It is sometimes the true stuff that people don’t belief and are the best stories.
Amazing how anticipation and excitement can quickly turn to “Oh Yuck”