Jasper the Demon Elf

They measure four-inches tall.  They’re green and yellow with rough, leathery skin.  Their teeth look like sharpened cork.  In the middle of their faces are  big, bulbous noses. On each side are giant red, bloodshot eyes.  They can’t be seen by humans but can be by cats and dogs. And they possess the mother of all nasty attitudes.

They are Demon Elves.  The mystical creatures who live in your house who reek all kinds of havoc.

Missing your keys? They hid them behind the TV at 2 a.m.

Can’t find the remote for the TV?  They put it under the couch.

The dryer ate a sock? It’s in the local landfill.

Morning breath? They sprinkle bacteria in your open, snoring mouth.

No toilet paper at a crucial moment? That’s them.

Yup, Demon Elves are the absolutely nastiest creature on the planet. Nothing comes close. Even HoneyBadgers fear them.

Well, all Demon Elves but one. His name is Jasper. And this is his story.

Demon Elves live out of sight, in the spaces tucked out of the way, like behind the stove. Thinking about calling an exterminator? They huff bug poison like a drug.  They sleep all day and cause havoc all night.  Except Jasper. Jasper was the only good Demon Elf on the planet. And it drove all his fellow Demon Elves batty.

The head Demon Elf looked at the chaos Jasper had caused that night. He held his clipboard, cursing and went through the list:

1. Folded laundry.

2. Keys put up on the counter next to the wallet.

3. The pipe under the sink was fixed.

The head Demon Elf rubbed his temples.  “What is the meaning of this? Explain yourself, son.”

Jasper smiled, “I’ve decided to do good.”

The head Demon Elf’s head exploded on the spot. (A new one regrew right back in its place. ) “GOOD?!?  You have to be kidding me. Demon Elves eat good for breakfast!”

“And I vacuumed the house while the family was gone, too.” Jasper grinned.

The Demon Elf started beating his head against the cabinet.  Jasper got him a cold pack.

“WHAT’S the MATTER WITH YOU BOY?!?”

“Just trying to help.”

“ARRGGGHHHH” the head Demon Elf screamed. “GO WRITE ON THE WALLS OR SOMETHING!”

Jasper then said,  “I cleaned some Sharpie marker off the kids’ room walls, too. How ’bout a hug?”

The head Demon Elf threw himself on the ground sobbing.  “SON OF AN ELF!”

It was over. The head Demon Elf had completely snapped and lost his mind.

As the head Demon Elf was carted off  to a special padded room, Jasper smiled a cork-like smile.  He was now the nastiest head Demon Elf of all .  He just killed with kindness.