Cupid’s Cure

Cupid sat on the bench frustrated.  “No one believes in love any more,” he mumbled to a half-interested pigeon (who thought the winged cherub was a third cousin.)

Cupid has spent the day trying to get Speaker John Boehner and President Barack Obama to love each other. The emergency room had to remove his arrow from an unspeakable place after that failed attempt.  He vaguely remembered telling the ER doc, “I wish I was the tooth fairy. She has it made. People will always have teeth.”

Nope, there just wasn’t much love in the world.  Cupid threw on a jacket to cover his wings (and honestly people look at you funny when you wear a diaper in public.)  and walked out of the park. He got in his car (a Jaguar) and headed the local 24-hour big box store to see how Valentine’s Day cards were selling.

He walked in and nice Civil War veteran greeted him, “WELCOME TO MEGAMART. ”  Cupid nodded and briskly rushed past. The man only had so many words left, Cupid thought. He didn’t dare risk a conversation.  He then bee-lined to the part of the store where the cards were.

Even though it was “his” holiday, Cupid wasn’t wild about Valentine’s Day. It always seemed manufactured by the card, flower and restaurant industries to him.  Why focus on one day when you should be loving all year long?  He walked around the corner and noticed a little girl staring at him.  Cupid waved his hand and made some candy appear in her hand. He then blew her a kiss and she giggled. There was no more pure love than the love of a child.

He then went around another corner to the Valentine’s Day card aisle. The hoard of last minute shoppers (most likely men) had picked-over the shelves like locusts with a thyroid problem. As Cupid gazed down the aisle, there was one middle-aged man standing there with his head in his hands.  Cupid, being the master of all things Love, could tell this man was as far from being in a loving spirit as anyone in the store. He felt the man’s frustration.  He was on the edge of a break down.

“May I help you?”

The man turned his head quickly and said, “Do you work here?”

Cupid said, “Do I look like I work here?”

The man quickly shook his head no and said, “Then how can you help me?”

Cupid pulled out a business card (they were so 20th century but very helpful).

The man looked at the cherub with disbelief. Cupid, expecting this reaction, pulled off his jacket and revealed his wings.

The man looked like he wanted to run — Lord knows you meet all kind of characters at MEGAMART.  But he stayed and said, “I am at a loss for what to get my wife. I have a lot of damage to repair.  I guess I can admit this to you, but I haven’t been much of a husband. Our marriage is on the rocks.”

Cupid grinned and said, “I prefer Bourbon on the rocks.”

The man looked at him with no expression.

Cupid continued, “Look, I could go shoot your wife in the butt with an arrow. That’d fix everything — and would be the easy way out for you. But I’m not going to do that.  You Americans have such a microwave mentality. ‘I want it now,’ should be tattooed on your foreheads.”

The man, appearing defeated, said, “Then what the heck am I supposed to do?”

Cupid, rubbing his smooth chin, said, “Start with this: Treat Valentine’s Day not as a day to show your love but as the day you celebrate the love you’ve shown the other 364 days of the year.”

The man just stared at Cupid with dissatisfied stare. “Sure, flyboy, but if I don’t have a nice gift tomorrow, I’m straight to the couch.”

Cupid shook his head. “OK, let me say this slower for you to understand.  Make every day Valentine’s Day. Give her the gift of your time. Your attention. Find ways to make her life easier. Listen to her. How long have you been married?”

The man had to think for a second. “Fifteen years.”

Cupid continued, “Imagine if you had a bank account for 15 years and all you made were withdrawals.  Where would be now?”

“Jail.” the man sighed.

“Your marriage feels like jail now, doesn’t it?”

“Between jail and Hell,” the man shrugged.

Cupid laughed. “Look, here’s a nice gift to give her tomorrow to get you out of the doghouse.” Cupid waved his hand and a nice necklace appeared. “But make a one-year-effort to woo your wife again.  Treat her like you did when you were dating.  Then meet me back here one year from now and we’ll see what kind of gift you need.”

The man thanked Cupid and went up to the register to pay for his gift.  Cupid went to the food aisle and got a six-pack of Red Bull.  He had a lot of work to do tonight and needed to stay awake.

One year later:

Cupid walked into the MEGAMART and the same Civil War veteran was still greeting people.  “Congratulations for another year above ground.” The greeter, not being able to hear well, thought he said, “Congratulations for a beer and a pound.”

There in the card aisle was the man who Cupid had helped. And next to him was a smiling lady.  “Hey Cupid!” A lady with a cart looked at the man like he had lost his mind.

Cupid said, “I take it this is your wife?”  She smiled when he said it. “So, what gift are you getting her?”

“Oh, I bought it a few weeks ago.  I didn’t have to come here. I knew exactly what she wanted. For some reason, I’ve been listening to her,” the man explained. “I got a card and flowers, too — but like you said, today is a day to celebrate the past year.”

His wife looked at the cherub and said, “Thanks for not shooting me in the butt.”

Cupid smiled and said, “You’re welcome.  And Happy Valentine’s Day. I wish the world was filled with more love like yours.”

Cupid headed toward the Red Bull and watched as the happy couple left the store while holding hands.