Thrivers

Over the past year and a half, I’ve met several people who have succeeded against bone-crushing odds. They’ve made the sweetest lemonade out life’s nastiest lemons.  They inspire and seem to have an abundance of strength and courage. I like to call them thrivers — people who were faced with life’s tsunami and learned to surf.

So, what is it that makes these thrivers able to walk through life’s flames with a grin while others fold like a cheap beach chair?  That difference interests me.

Recently I’ve interviewed three thrivers whose lives are as inspirational any movie you’ll ever see. Rankin-county native Billy Jack McDaniel was burned over 95% of his body during an oil well explosion and yet now overcomes the pain with an amazing positive attitude. He uplifts others with his message and strength. Clinton’s Joel Waters also fought the pain of burns. He’s now living life to the fullest and helps kids through Big Brothers/Big Sisters of Mississippi. Then there’s Ryan Estep, a promising high school athlete from Florence, who thanks to a single-car wreck, ended up in a wheelchair. He’ll now be representing the U.S. in the paralympic games and has a strong chance of gold in fencing. He’s a thriver that is traveling the globe. I dare say he’s a finer athlete now than he was before his wreck. And I saw thrivers on a mass scale along the Mississippi Gulf Coast. They rebuilt after losing EVERYTHING.  I’ve seen that with the Great Recession, too. While some who were laid off held on to their old job so tightly they fell to pieces, thrivers got busy and got to work.   I’ve watched cancer patients beat the odds and thrive while others with a better prognosis fade and die.  People like to call them cancer survivors. I like to think they are cancer thrivers.

What is it that makes people have this strength? What make a person more than a survivor? What makes them a thriver?   I truly don’t know. If I did, I’d bottle it.

But here are a few thriver traits that I’ve noticed:

1. Thrivers who overcome odds have a strong faith. They believe in something bigger than themselves.  It’s the force, the incentive, to pull themselves forward when times get overwhelming.

2. Thrivers limit their pity parties in length and send out few invitations. It’s perfectly OK to temporarily have your lip out when you get knocked down. But six months later, it won’t do you any good. And people that could help you don’t want to see it.

3. Thrivers have something to fight for. I always tell cancer survivors that is what they need to focus on.  They need a passion.  A reason to live.

4. Thrivers know that when one dreams dies, they shouldn’t hang on to it. This one is tough — I know first hand.  I’ve seen people hang on to their old “dream job” until it was too late.  Change can be hard.  But it also can lead to a better “dream job.”

5. Thrivers don’t stay angry at the past. They rejoice in the future. I’m particularly bad at this one. I struggle to forgive.  But this is when forgiveness is  truly divine.

6. Thrivers have a positive outlook publicly. Another one I struggle with. But you want to know a secret? Everyone has their own drama. As much as they might care for you, they really don’t want to hear yours.

7. Thrivers don’t allow people inside their heads. Just keep remembering, success is the best revenge.

8. Thrivers surround themselves with other thrivers. I’ve always heard you are the sum of your five closest friends. Chose who you hang around with carefully.  Negativity is a devastating virus that spreads like wildfire.

9. Thrivers give back to others. As Zig Ziglar once said, ‘You can have everything in life that you want if you just give enough other people what they want.’  Or you can just call it the Golden Rule. But giving back to others ties neatly into the thinking there is something bigger than  yourself part.

10. Thrivers have an amazing support system. Friends. Family. Those five closest friends I was talking about.  Joel Waters had an amazing mother and father looking out for him. Billy Jack McDaniel’s wife is tough and loving.  Ryan Estep’s parents believe in his dream.  Find your support system. And hang on them for dear life.

The thriver instinct is like muscles and your brain: You have to use it to strengthen it. That’s why I believe challenges are opportunities.  Opportunities to make yourself a better person.  To strengthen who you are.  Remember, pressure and heat also make gems.

As I look back over this list, I know I have a lot of personal work to do.  But as my career and life continue to evolve, I know I need to make sure I practice all ten steps.  If you are going through a challenge in your life, I wish you all the success in the world. And I pray that eventually, we will all realize the challenges of the past four years have been a blessing in disguise.  And that you, too, will truly become a thriver.