Rubio’s water

Politics_RubioWater_212_480x360Did you see Senator Marco Rubio’s response to the State of the Union last night? What did you think?  Did you like that “reaching for the water bottle moment?”  Holy Moly! I’ve never seen anything quite like it. I just sat there laughing.  My first thought was, “There’s an SNL sketch already written.”

And then a wave of sympathy rolled over me. I thought, “Poor guy. Been there, done that.”

Because being on camera is hard. Speaking to a few million people when your political future is on the line — well, that’s REALLY hard.

I can’t imagine.

Giving the response to the State of Anything is a losing proposition. (If offered, RUN! I mean FAST.) Why? You’re competing against a President or Governor, wrapped in pomp and circumstance, who just had a whole cheering audience to feed off. You, though, are locked in some small room with no energy whatsoever.  Look, there are two types of speakers out there. Those who feed off an audience (I’m like that). And those who have the ability to talk to a camera or microphone and make it magic.  Ronald Reagan had that gift. Marco Rubio apparently doesn’t.  And to be fair, he’s a great speaker. He’s just used to having cheering supporters. Last night it was him and the camera.

And he looked scared.

I bet his political life flashed before his eyes.  He had to be thinking of Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal’s disasterous turn at giving the response a few years ago. Jindal came across like a nervous 18-year-old running for Senior class president.  Rubio was better, but still — the water bottle episode was nothing short of bizarre.   I mean, c’mon: You have a few minutes. You can live without a drink unless you are on fire or have swallowed a cat.

But that wasn’t what really bugged me about his speech. I think he missed a real opportunity to sell how his political philosophy would make America a better place.  Sure, he told his parents’ story and his middle class upbringing. That was strong. But a good chunk of the speech was about how bad President Obama is. I know, I know — it’s an easy thing to do. I used to be in talk radio, I get it. But here’s a newsflash for you: The President ain’t running again. And people just voted for the guy. Saying how bad he stinks doesn’t offer people hope. Instead, you should offer a better alternative. That’s what Reagan did. He told us about the shining city on the hill. And he served two terms.

Americans know the problems. They have been living them since the Great Recession began.

They’re just looking for a better way. Give it to them. And then you can take your precious drink of water.

 

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CARTOON: No love lost

021413Vday

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The Seaside Priest

146920664The warm wind blew through the seaside bar on the warm Ash Wednesday morning. Palm trees gently swayed as a young college student sat next to an older gentleman.  The man, an Episcopal priest, began talking to student.  The student, intent on drinking as much as he could in as quickly as he could, listened — but only about halfway. He had memories to obliterate.

The priest began to speak anyway:

“It’s Ash Wednesday. You know, ‘Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.’ I spent the morning dusting and Lord knows, I enough dust in my condo. And I have a couple of cremated pets on the shelf in urns. So I have some ashes. If you’d like to talk about my mortality, well that’s another matter. I could fill your ear about it.  But would you really care?  Sure, I had  brush with death.  But you don’t care. I mean really, you can’t get to my age without nearly dying once or twice.  A drunk can weave into your lane. A tornado can hit your house. You can get stuck on a disabled cruise in the Gulf and have to eat onion sandwiches.  And if you have experienced combat, death becomes a daily foxhole companion.”

“No, I’m not going to bore you with my story.  Because you don’t want to hear it. Oh, you do? OK, it’s cancer and I’ve nearly drowned. Big whoop.  Both just made life a little clearer. I’d like to think the cancer was a pair of glasses.  Nearly drowning was my progressive lenses: I can now see up close better than I could before.”

“Ah, to be young and bullet-proof.  Remember those days? That’s right, you probably still do feel bulletproof.”

The college student glared at the priest, who continued to talk anyway.

“I always feel sorry for teenagers who experience death first hand.  They’re robbed of their shield of protection. If I hadn’t been naive at that age, I might not have tried new things. No, instead, I would have been in the fetal position until I was at least 40. ”

“Hang on a second, “Bartender, could I have another iced tea?”

“I gave up the drink a long time ago.  I could see using it as a crutch during the bad times. And I had a pretty bad time for a while.  I chose the Lord to lift me up instead. And do I mind if you smoke? Yes. You know those things will kill you. And me. And the bartender.”

The bartender interrupted the priest’s monolog. “Father, you want anything from the kitchen?”

“Yeah, Fred. Get me some oysters. And make it a double order. My friend here looks hungry.”

The kid looked at the man in cutoffs and a black shirt with collar but didn’t say anything.

“You might wonder why I am here in Paradise instead of somewhere more Hellish. Well, son, people need ministering everywhere. God put me here. And you seem to need some ministering.”

The priest’s tan revealed he had been “here” for a long time.

“Today is Ash Wednesday, son. You only have a brief time on this earth. No one knows for sure — and isn’t that a good thing? Can you imagine how freaked out if you knew when you were going to die? God did us a big favor on that one.  But do God a favor. Treat each moment like the gift that it is. Obviously something is bothering you or you wouldn’t have red eyes and be drinking so heavily.”

The college student mumbled a few words under his breath.

The seaside priest acknowledged him and continued, “Yes, that is a tragedy. A terrible one. Life can be cruel.  Yes, I know that it seems like God can be cruel, too.  But you can’t go down that road.  You’ll drive yourself crazy.”

Dark clouds built on the horizon, making the green water even more vibrant from the contrast. A distant rumble of thunder announced the coming storm.

“We’re OK here, son. It’s fun to watch the lightning dance across the Gulf.”

“Believe me, I haven’t always been a man of the cloth.  I suffered a tragedy much like yours.  I lost everything in a sailing accident. An accident that was my fault, by the way.  The last time I saw the woman I loved was as she drowned.  So, yes, I understand your feeling about God being cruel. I understand what it is like to be eaten up by guilt.”

The bartender brought the two orders of fried oysters as Jimmy Buffet’s “Death of an Unpopular Poet” played on the jukebox.

“God isn’t cruel. I personally think He is good. But I’m not going to get overly religious on you today. I’m just going to be here.  My cancer? You want to hear about my cancer? Three doctors missed it. Should be dead. But I’m not.  I’m here for a reason. Maybe it was to buy you oysters.”

The college kid looked at the priest and smiled.

“When Christina drowned, my heart drowned, too. Never could love another woman. Why? There’d never be another woman like her. So I became a man of the cloth.  The bad things in life shape us, son. Like rocks in a rushing stream. They smooth out the rough edges and may us shine. My accident pushed me in a new direction.”

The storm’s wind blew sand into the air. The priest watched the horizon, looking for waterspouts.

“The Gulf is a temperamental lady. I used to sail her all the time and never knew what mood she would be in. I screwed up and sailed us into a storm. Spend a week on a life raft after our boat sank.  A passing shower and my ability to catch fish helped me survive. I’m still suffering from skin cancers from the sunburn I received.  When the Coast Guard found me, I vowed to live the rest of my life to make up for my sin. I had to learn to ask for forgiveness for Christina’s death.  You will learn, that too.”

The boy began to cry and spoke.  “I didn’t mean to cause the accident. I didn’t mean for her to die.”

“I know, son. I know. You have a heavy burden on your heart.”

The priest walked over to an ashtray and dipped his finger in the cigar ashes.

“Sorry, these will have to do.”

He wiped them on the boy’s forehead and  began to pray:

Almighty God, you have created us out of the dust of the earth: Grant that these ashes may be to us a sign of our mortality and penitence, that we may remember that it is only by your gracious gift that we are given everlasting life; through Jesus Christ our Savior.   Amen.

The seaside priest put his arm around the young man and held him tight. “I know you didn’t mean to cause the wreck that killed my granddaughter. You are forgiven by me and by God.”

A ray of sunshine broke through the dark clouds.  A calm fell across the water as the storm subsided.  And on that Ash Wednesday, the seaside priest and the college student found peace by a once turbulent sea.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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CARTOON: The Hangover

021213Hangover

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Fit-to-Fat-to-Fit Blog: Day 22

BearCrawlWhen you do walking pushups, inchworms and bear-crawls across the length of a basketball court, you have two thoughts:

1. Why in the heck am I doing this?

Followed by.

2. I did it.

I’m just thankful I can’t see myself in the process. I would be slimmer because I would laugh my *ss off.

We had circle-time again at the end of the workout. Clark put us through the paces and I had trouble raising my leg high enough at one point. But I did it.  I was drenched in sweat and tired. And I hurt. It was exactly what I wanted. Here’s why:

Today is Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. In my religious tradition, you sacrifice for 40 days and give something up.  But today is a day when you contemplate your mortality. Ashes to ashes; dust to dust.

Nearly 12 years ago, I faced my mortality head-on when I was diagnosed with malignant melanoma.  Trust me, cancer will jar you out of any sense of being invulnerable.  But it gave me an appreciation for mornings like this morning. Pain means I am alive. Health means I can be alive a little longer.

When I was crawling across the gym floor, I never felt more alive in my life.

Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust. Even if I have to look like a doofus crawling across a gym floor.

 

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Wednesday Free-For-All

Good morning! It’s the day before Cupid’s big day! Shop accordingly. 021213Hattiesburg

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CARTOON:

021213WC

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A State of the Union we’d like to hear.


021313SOTUIn a diner in a mid-sized Midwestern city, a man stops mopping and looks into a television camera. Sweat glistens off his forehead and he lacks the makeup the politicians in Washington wear while giving their televised speeches. He looks into the camera, sighs and begins to speak from the heart:

Good evening. My name is Rusty Warren.  I’m 47-years old and have lived in this mid-sized Midwestern city  for most of my life.  Five years ago, I had a great-paying middle management job, health insurance and a nice home.  And then the wheels came off the economy.

Life hasn’t been the same since.

I’m here tonight to give the real State of the Union.  Why you ask? Well, as much as the folks in Washington think they know what it’s like for us in the middle class, they don’t  The Great Recession never hit Washington, D.C.  It has devastated my city, my career and my family. But I’m proud to report tonight, that like so many other Americans, I am surviving.

I was laid off in 2008 and I got a small severance.  Each round of layoffs paid less and less — and honestly, you wanted to stay on the boat as long as you could.  By the time I was given my pink slip, it was one week of supplemental pay per year of employment. I refused two buyouts — No one wanted to get thrown into the water.  But in the end, the unthinkable happened. I was tossed overboard.  I remember my wife crying that day. Who could forget that?

I remember how cold my boss was when he laid me off.  He wouldn’t look me in the eye. I will never forget that, either.  Of course, right after I carried my box out of the building, the CEO of the company got a $10 million dollar bonus.  I thought in America you were rewarded for building things, not destroying them. I thought wrong.

I was unemployed for eight months, bleeding our savings and 401K. But we survived.

I finally found another job, but for half  the salary what I made before.  Of course, none of my payments went down, so I had to get busy and find other work.  My house lost a third of its value, but I kept it. I continued to find a way to send my daughter to college, even though it got more expensive every year. I didn’t complain, I didn’t whine. I took this job at night and my wife took another job, too.  I’m now becoming an entrepreneur. We’re getting by and we’ll succeed. That’s the American way.

Now, I understand that there is another artificial financial crisis looming in Washington called a sequester.  It threatens to throw us back into another “recession.”  I wish the “leaders” in Washington would realize we’re doing our part out here to turn this economy around. Now it’s their turn.  I know it’s important for them to play to their bases and raise money for the next election. I just wish they had to give an oath like doctors to “do no harm.”

I’m clawing back. I’m thankful I can do that in a country as great as the United States of America. While we are not perfect, I wouldn’t live anywhere else.

Now if you will excuse me, my break is over. I need to get back to work so I’m not fired.

God bless this economic recovery. God bless our leaders and give them wisdom. And God bless America.

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Fit-to-Fat-to-Fit Blog: Day 21

The man with the bionic stomach. And a Fat-to-Fit  success story. Clark Bruce

The man with the bionic stomach. And a Fat-to-Fit success story. Clark Bruce

You’re just humming along and then out of nowhere, you get hit by a train.  A train called core work. And it’s driven by Clark.  Who’s Clark? He is the mild-mannered #2 of PLS who is actually a bionic man. Unlike Steve Austin, he didn’t get a cool eye, new legs and a kung-fu grip. Clark got a bionic stomach.  He can do core work for 28 hours straight — and smile the whole time. And make you work like a dog.

Today we did our first Clark session.  Seems like an appropriate way to celebrate Fat Tuesday.

And tomorrow, I will be celebrating, “Bad Back” Wednesday.

Ouch.

I know where I need to do some homework.

But I will say this. Thanks to Clark’s insane core workout, I was able to do a sit-up out of the Buffalo River while my leg was wrapped in a drag chain. I was able to fight the current and breathe as I undid the chain, breaking myself free.  It saved my life.

So never underestimate the importance of a strong core.

I just wish I had a stronger back.

 

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Tuesday Free-For-All

Good morning!  Hope today is a little bit drier than yesterday’s squishfest.

ramsey

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