The Mississippi’s Secret

The amorous couple’s bed was hitting the motel wall in three-quarter time. Thunka thunk thunk thunk — the lonely man in the next room grabbed the TV remote and turned up the volume. Bradley Smathers longed to be home and hearing that wasn’t helping.  Nights like this made him miss his wife more than usual.  The light from a blue moon leaked through the heavy curtains.  He walked over to the window and peeked out. He peered down at the casino and the two bridges in the distance. The Mississippi River sparkled like it was wearing a diamond neckless. It was the first night of September in Vicksburg, Mississippi.

He opened his door and walked down the hall to the ice machine. The door behind him opened and out slinked the couple next door. She was wearing his shirt and it was untucked. Both had mussed hair and both were married — just not to each other.  Bradley tucked the ice bucket under his arm and gave them a slow clap — in three-quarter time, of course.  Both blushed and hurried down the hall.  Bradley thought of the self-righteous radio talk show host he had heard foaming at the mouth about the sanctity of marriage.  These two where doing their part to wreck it.  They hustled past him into night to their respective homes. Bradley got his ice and then returned back to his room for some peace and quiet.  A funky smell wafted into his nostrils as he walked through the door. He would have hated to scan this room with a black light.  He at on the bed, turned on Craig Ferguson’s Late Late Show and scooped some ice into his own cup (he never used the motel glasses).  He popped open a soft drink and watched as the foam raced over the top of the glass.  Watching the level go down reminded him why he was there.

The Mighty Mississippi had dropped to a record low and revealed a long-held secret: A Civil War-era ship.

A blockade runner to be more exact. A ship that had unsuccessfully tried to sneak past Admiral David G. Farragut’s gunships.  Three cannon balls ripping through its hull had stopped its quest dead.  The crew swam ashore and faded into the night.  The river swallowed its secret.  Until August 2012, that is. Because you see, what goes down must come up.  Even if it had taken a hundred fifty years.

Bradley had explored old wrecks for most of his life.  He was an underwater archeologist/naval historian and a damn good one.  He looked at the time on his Rolex Submariner.  Midnight.  It was time to get some beauty rest.

The next morning he drove down to the casino and parked in its vast parking lot. He watched as smoking ladies pulled their oxygen tanks into to gambling barge.  Lady luck would be too busy keeping them from exploding to give them any wins on the nickel slots, he thought.  He walked past the casino to a gate and gently pushed it open. It was unlocked as promised. There, past some heavy brush, through some concrete  and over the retaining wall, was a ladder. He gently climbed down and carefully put his feet on the sand bar.  “I’ve lived here 60 years and never seen so much sand,” said the engineer from the Corps who greeted him with a firm handshake.  “Name’s Colonel Frank Harrington.  Wait ’til you see this.”

They walked 100 yards downriver toward the a brown hulk.

The C.S.S. Holder lay remarkably preserved half buried in the sand.

“We’ve been able to enter her hold.  Found the usual things: Rifles, ammunition, uniforms, supplies and food.  We also found this.” The Colonel pointed at a small, watertight chest.  On the top of it were the letters, CSA. Inside of it was a German Luger pistol, a diary that at a Nazi Swastika on it, numerous history books and a photo of a German officer with a Confederate solider.

“What. The. Hell.” Bradley held the diary in his hand as his jaw dropped open.

“That’s why we called you,” said the Colonel. “You tell us.”

Later that afternoon, Bradley sat in his motel room with another soft drink and a box of fairly good take-out Chinese food.   He carefully read through the diary and was even more amazed as he turned each page.

It was the diary of Admiral Wolf Gunter, a Nazi special operations officer.

In 1941, Germany’s Adolph Hitler had tasked his scientists with a single mission: Figure out a way to destroy the United States before it ever could get into the war.  A group of scientists had taken the work done by Albert Einstein and experimented with time travel.  On December 18, 1944, Admiral Gunter had entered a two-story time chamber and travelled back to the time of American Civil War. He had sailed from Germany to New Orleans with plans, history books and tactics. He was to sail up the Mississippi River and meet up with spies who would take him to Richmond. There he’d meet with Confederate President Jefferson Davis and Robert E. Lee.  Part of his plan was to convince them that he knew the future. That’s where the history books came in. Change the outcomes of the Battles of Vicksburg and Gettysburg and you changed the outcome of the war. By allowing the South to win, there’d be no United States of America by 1941.

Bradley couldn’t believe what he was reading. The Nazi’s had mastered time travel. Incredible… but why was he just now reading about it?  He looked at the date again when the Admiral had left. It seemed so familiar. He Googled it. The next day a massive B-17 Superfortress bomber raid destroyed the scientific complex where the time machine had been located.  That left Gunter stranded in the past. Allied planners had seen the power lines and thought it was involved with the Nazi’s nuclear ambitions. Little did they know they put an end to something that could have changed the world even more abruptly.

“But the question was”, Bradley thought, “what happened to the Admiral?”  The crew had swam to shore.  That means the Nazi must have escaped. But he didn’t have the proof that he was from the future with him.  What became of him? He read the last entry of the diary one more time.

June 1, 1862: It’s a hot night on the Mississippi River. The people of this time are so crude, as is their technology.  The Confederates have the right attitude toward those of other races, though.  Looking forward to landing at Vicksburg so I can take the rail line to Atlanta.  From Atlanta, I will head to Richmond.  Look forward to completing my mission for the Fatherland and planting the seeds of the destruction of the United States of America.

The rest of the pages were blank.

What could have happened to him? Obviously his mission had failed. Bradley thought, “Where would be the next place to look?” The State Archives and History in Jackson would be the best place to start.  He called a friend in Jackson and booked a room at the King Edward Hotel. Like every good mystery, he needed some clues.  He finished off his noodles and egg-drop soup. The mystery of the South meant he had to head east on I-20.

He read old newspaper articles and old diaries. He scanned through official documents. So much from that time had been destroyed because of the war. But he knew the scrap of information he needed was there. The needle was in the haystack. He just had to find it.

On the fifteenth day, he found the needle. In 1863, the State of Mississippi had committed a man named Gunter to their mental hospital. Bradley looked at the microfiche and smiled.  According to court records, the patient claimed to be from the future. Six months later, Gunter hung himself in his cell with his sheets.  His secret was buried with him in his pauper’s grave.  Until the Mississippi betrayed him that August day.

Three cannon balls, a B-17 bomber and a sheet tied into a noose had saved his country. Bradley printed out the document and stuck it in his briefcase.

He smiled.  Here before him was the story how Germany almost won the war before it started. That night, he plugged in his laptop in the lobby of the King Edward Hotel. And then he began writing the book that would change history forever.  It would be the story how the Mississippi had revealed its most amazing secret of all.

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The Devil, the Angel and Captain Warr

Along the Mississippi Gulf Coast, storms normally come from the direction of  New Orleans. Today, however, the gunmetal gray clouds blew in rapidly from Mobile. As he watched them, the hair on the man’s leathery neck stood on end.

As he rocked on his front porch, Captain Luke Warr could feel electricity in the air. Some would say it was just his nerves. But he knew better. He knew when a hurricane was coming. And he could tell this one was going to be bad. He’d seen the signs before: The clouds from the east. The rising surf.  His bones felt the drop in barometric pressure like they had that fateful day in 2005.

A truck from the Weather Channel sat across the street.  The tanned reporter, the man who some nicknamed “the Angel of Death,” did his live shot on the beach in front of the now-thundering Mississippi Sound.  “Tomorrow these homes will no longer be here,” the reporter gave his grim forecast.  Captain Warr looked at the reporter and then at the glass of whiskey sitting near his left hand.  Five years sober, he poured the glass and just looked at it.  When going through Hell, you might as well be accompanied by the Devil.

It had been ten years since Hurricane Katrina.  Captain Warr had lost his wife, his boat, his dog, his house and his sanity in that storm.  Their long-time home, a white cottage that had survived Hurricane Camille, was swept away by the storm surge. It had pushed them out of their house and into the trees.  He held onto his wife for three hours as they fought the inky black ocean.  “I love you,” she screamed as she let go.

He still had nightmares about her hand slipping from his.

That night he lost his wife. And the next morning, he found whiskey.  Five years later, God and an angel had sobered him up.  Yet now, the Devil tempted him.  Lightning flickered out over the Gulf as he reached for the glass.

“No.”  He heard the angel’s voice inside his head.  “You will NOT pick up that glass.”

“Dammit,” the Captain muttered under his breath.  The reporter walked over to his porch and called out, “Hey. You. Can I interview you?”

The Captain lifted his hand and motioned him to him.  “You’re not going to call this a land mass again are you?”

“I didn’t do that.”

“I know. Just messin’ with you.”

“What’s your name?”

“Luke Warr.”

Why haven’t you evacuated yet, Luke?”

“Good question.”

“You better come up with an answer quick.  You’re running out of time. This one’s a beast — a cat. 5 and it’s heading right for here.  Luke, it’s worse than Katrina.”

“How many hurricanes have you been through?” The Captain looked at the reporter.

“Lost count. And you?”

“A few. Katrina is the one I remember, though. Still have nightmares about it.”

“Know what you mean. I was in the VA home during it. Watched our rental car wash away.  I think my cameraman pooped his pants. ”

“I watched my wife wash away.” Captain Warr said nonchalantly as he looked toward the Gulf. A trickle of saltwater leaked from his left eye.

“I’m sorry.” The reporter lowered his head.

“Me, too. I was aboard the U.S.S. Cole and had burned kids die in my arms. But Katrina messed with me.  I’ve never seen death quite like it.  I helped pull a woman’s head out of a vent pipe. She drowned with the rest of her family in their trailer. And then there was my wife. They found her body a mile away, stripped and bloated. Her rings were the only way I knew it was her.”

The Devil interrupted their conversation, urged Captain Warr to go ahead and pick up the glass and take a drink. The Captain seriously considered it.

“No.” he said.

The reporter looked at the Captain and said, “Um, excuse me?”

“I wasn’t talking to you.”  The Captain then turned and looked at the glass. “No. I’m not drinking you.”

The reporter looked at the glass of whiskey and then said, “You want to go on camera and say why you’re staying?”

“I want to see my wife again. I want the ocean to take me like it took her.”

The reporter was silent for the first time in years.  And then he put his arm around the the Captain and softly said,  “Luke, you have to evacuate. ”

“No, I don’t,” the Captain said.

Silence.

Both men watched as another bolt of lighting hit off in the distance.  The Devil looked at the Captain. The Captain looked at him back.  The reporter cued the cameraman and they began broadcasting.

“I’m here in Waveland, Mississippi with Luke Warr, a Katrina survivor who says he is not going to evacuate.” The camera’s light illuminated the Captain’s face, showing dark circles on the face of a man who hadn’t slept in days. “Why aren’t you leaving?”

“I’m leaving. I’m just not evacuating.”

He reached over and picked up the glass. He felt the smooth glass touch his lips as he smelled the delicious smell of Jack Daniel’s Green Label.  He began to take a drink but then he once again heard his guardian angel’s voice.  The voice of his wife.

“Don’t you dare drink that, Luke.”

The Captain immediately threw the glass down onto the beach. The whiskey poured onto the sand.

She then said, “You must evacuate.  I died but you can’t — it’s not your time. We’ll be together for eternity. But not yet. You can’t die this way. Not now.  You’re not a quitter.”

The reporter said, “Luke?”

The Captain heard his voice and looked into the camera. He then said, “People need to get out now.  I saw what happened during Katrina. It’s time to go folks.”

The reporter, stunned at the Captain’s sudden reversal, said, “You heard it here folks. It’s time to go.”

The lights turned off and the reporter said, “What the Hell just happened?”

“Got room in that truck for one more?” The Captain smiled. “I need a ride out of here.”

As they walked toward the truck (and then safety) the Captain looked back at the Devil lying in the sand. “You’ll never win as long as I have my guardian angel looking out for me.”

At that moment, as the worst hurricane in recorded history barreled toward the Gulf Coast, Captain Luke Warr’s guardian angel saved him once again.

Posted in Uncategorized, Writing | 13 Comments

Saturday Free-For-All

Good morning! Have a great three-day weekend!

Posted in MRBA | 20 Comments

CARTOON: The grownup ice cream truck

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A few thoughts after Isaac

A few rambling thoughts in no particular order:

1. The utility companies are once again doing a great job. OK, I am biased. My power stayed on. But you really don’t know what a big deal that is to me.  I remember all to well the misery after Hurricane Katrina.  The fact that my electricity did not even flicker during the storm makes my next Entergy bill easier to pay.  But region-wide, the response across Mississippi and Louisiana has been rapid.  I wish the utility companies didn’t have so much experience with this. But it has paid off.

2. Social media has changed the world. One big difference between Katrina  and Isaac is the advent of social media (other than the storm wasn’t nearly as bad). Facebook and Twitter rule the day. Links to power outages, road closures, news stories, first-hand accounts, humor, photos and official word from public officials kept us in the know. I know first-hand the power of social media because I sent out a link from a trusted source that had bad information in it — and immediately got a call from the Governor’s office to fill me in with the correct scoop. I promptly sent out a new link with the corrected information.  Social media is here to stay, folks.

3. The Mississippi Gulf Coast residents are tough as nails. They’re like the old Timex watch commercials, “Take a licking and they keep on ticking.”  I read stories where crews were out cleaning up even before the storm had passed.  The Gulf Coast is a special place.  And it is largely because of the amazing and resilient people who live there.

4. The Federal and State responses were strong. Sure, you fight the last war — and we were enacting the battle plan learned from the holocaust we experienced after Katrina. And it helps that Isaac, although bad, was no Katrina. But MEMA and FEMA both were on top of things. The Governor was calm and full of useful information during his press briefings. The National Guard was prepositioned and ready to go.  All and all, the cavalry was there when the time came.  There was no “Heckuva job, Brownie,” moment.

5. National media got the message that hurricanes hit Mississippi, too. Hate to harp on this and I know some people think the Land Mass thing was overblown, but let’s be honest, the national media heard Mississippians. (The wonderful The Land between NOLA and Mobile Facebook page went viral.) After the horrible job telling Mississippi’s story after Katrina, the national media were all over the Gulf Coast telling both Mississippi’s and Louisiana’s story with lots of energy and passion. (with a few gaffes like Pass Christian, Louisiana — thanks Al Roker).

6. Isaac hitting on Katrina’s anniversary rattled nerves. And down in Louisiana it caused some places to have worse flooding.  I bet Xanax, Valium and Whiskey sales were off the charts this week. Like I’ve said repeatedly: Next time Mother Nature, send a card.

7. I’m glad it is all over at my house. The good news is that I have a lot less leaves to rake this fall. (my seven trees got a good haircut). But I’m VERY thankful that they are still vertical and not on my house. And we’ll be eating hurricane emergency supplies for Labor day.  My family is safe.  Life is good.

8. And finally, thoughts and prayers go out to all affected by the storm. Isaac dumped a lot of water on South Mississippi, so there has been a lot of folks flooded. And if you don’t have power, I hope the electric company truck shows up soon.  Prayers also go out to Mississippi’s victim of the storm. Greg Parker. He was a tow truck driver out trying to help someone when a tree fell and took his life.

P.S. After struggling with it for a few days, most people on Twitter and Facebook finally figured out that Isaac is spelled “Isaac” not “Issac.”

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Fit-to-Fat-to-Fit Blog: New priorities

I chose not to run this morning. I know, I know — you’re thinking, “That Ramsey is a lazy as a sack of whale vomit.” Please, please, I beg you; Forgive me.

I had a tube shoved down my throat yesterday.  And while that’s not exactly my excuse, I was still pretty groggy last night from being knocked out. I chose sleep it off this morning instead of running. If it makes you feel better (it will make me feel better), I’ll run tonight with my son. And then tomorrow morning for as long as I can.

Back to the tube-down-my-throat thing.  I have reflux.  It’s purely stress-related: And I now know that because I’ve had my doctor take a peak at the inside of my esophagus and stomach. No ulcers. No problems with the cool trap door that keeps the acid from leaving my stomach and coming up my throat. I’m just like many other Americans’. I have GERD. Or reflux.  My body is making too much acid. I take medicine. But lately it hasn’t been working.  So I’m at a crossroads.  Either even more medicine or try to get to the root of the problem.  Temporarily, I will treat the symptoms. Long-term, I will attack the cause — Stress.

Exercise will continue to be part of the solution. I only wonder where my health would be right now if I had not taken the step with Paul Lacoste’s Fit4Change program and lost all my weight.  Diet will be, too. I will continue to remain caffeine-free for the time being (Me and Mitt Romney have something in common!). But obviously I have to make some other changes.  Burning the candle at both ends is cool. Burning it in the middle, too, can be hazardous to your pipes. But back to the changes.

They have yet to be revealed to me. I’ll pray a little. Think a little (while running). And work by butt off in the meantime.

The good news, though, is that I have no permanent damage from my body pitching an acid fit. No Barrett’s Disease. No esophageal cancer. Thank the Lord.

It’s time to take a deep breath, to remember that I’m lucky to be alive and to act accordingly. It’s time to refocus my priorities.

Posted in Fat-Fit-Fat | 4 Comments

Friday Free-For-All

See? I told you we’d make it. Happy Friday!

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CARTOON: Isaac

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The perils of being a grown up

In 1973, Atlanta had one of its worst ice storms on record. Up to five inches of ice covered everything with a thick coating of glaze. It knocked down power lines and pine trees alike.  Some parts of my suburban hometown of Marietta, Georgia didn’t have electricity for two weeks. It was a disaster. People shivered by their fireplaces. Tuna fish and peanut butter became the food of the times. There is nothing redeeming about an ice storm. Absolutely nothing. It was a winter blunderland.

That morning my sisters and I slid outside to behold the glistening world around us. I remember the garage door opening and our old Impala station wagon (the kind with the third seat that faced to the rear) firing up and sliding back out into the driveway.  We didn’t have school. But my dad had to drive into Atlanta to go into work.

We stood in the street and watched as his car fish-tailed all the way up the hill of our road and on to the interstate. It was at that moment that I realized being an adult must really suck.

This morning I thought about my dad and his perilous icy drive.  I left my son playing his video game (yes, we still have power) as I braved Isaac’s gusty winds and driving rains. I dodged falling limbs and flooded roads.  I’ll admit — I was envious of my son. And I was envious of the little kid from 1973 who got to stay home while his daddy slid into work.

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Isaac

The sun is beginning to come up across Mississippi. Isaac, the obnoxious houseguest who won’t go away, continues to punch the Gulf Coast with surge and rain. The rest of the state is losing trees and electricity at a rapid rate.  Wind is howling. Rain is falling.  We’re hunkered down for the duration.

Our emergency supplies are ready.  If we have power, we’re thankful. If not, we’ll cheer the power truck’s arrival like a kid seeing the ice cream man pull into his neighborhood. We’ll continue to watch the trees in our yards with trepidation and pray they stay vertical.  Creeks are beginning to rise. And so are our anxiety levels.

Seven years out from Katrina, Isaac has picked at old wounds. Scabs are coming off and we’re seeing images on the television (if we have power) so eerily similar to that hell storm in 2005.  Waveland is flooded. Casino row is more like casino river.  National guardsmen are out of patrol.  Like I said in my cartoon, Mother Nature could have just sent us an anniversary card.

So we wait. We wait for the sun to totally rise so we can assess the situation. We wait for the water to go down. And we wait for Isaac to finally leave and allow the winds to calm.  Many of us are already making plans to go help our neighbors.  We’ll cut the trees, clean up the debris and help our friends get back on their feet.  We’ll volunteer with our church or synagog. We’ll cut a check to charity. We’ll have friends and family stay with us as they rebuild their lives.  How do I know? Because that’s what Mississippians do. As I’ve said before: When things get bad, we get good.

Isaac, we look forward to your departure. You’ve really been a nasty little #$%%. Go get the heck out of here and don’t let the door hit you on the butt on the way out.

Posted in MRBA | 6 Comments