The full moon played peek-a-boo behind the wool blanket of clouds above. I didn’t need the street lights to see this morning thanks to its luminescent greeting. My legs, full of lactic acid from Sunday’s speed work, burned. My mind burned, too. It was full of happy and dark thoughts about things that happened to me two years ago this week.
First the positive. Two years ago today I ran the Marine Corps Marathon in honor of one of my cancer heroes, Jimmy Riley. Jimmy was a melanoma survivor like I am. His came back and stole him from his loving wife and sons. I raised $13,000 for cancer research and finished with vicious leg cramps. But whatever pain I felt, I knew that Jimmy had felt more. I felt his spirit as I chugged through the last 6.2 miles of the race. I prayed I could have an ounce of his trademark optimism.
My lungs ached in the cold air. Hills meant nothing to me this morning. My mind was elsewhere.
I thought about my poor dog Molly who died at the vet while we were in DC. I still miss Molly. The shock of losing her tore us up.
I then thought about the professional humiliation I suffered that week and how my family was hurt. I felt anger boil inside me as I attacked the steep hills in my neighborhood. I swallowed hard and reminded myself how anger is a useless waste of energy. My mind took me back to the hurt, panic and frustration of that week. My body left it behind at the bottom of the hill.
I then thought about all the hard work my wife and I have done since then. And all of the blessings that have presented themselves because of it. I counted the blessings with every footfall. God definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone.
I continued to think about how my weight spiraled out of control when I started working two jobs until I took some personal responsibility. And then I looked back on how even more blessings have opened up since I began exercising again.
As I finished my 5.20 miles, a song came on my iPhone. It’s a familiar song; one with lyrics that define exactly where my life is right now:
You can’t always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you might find
You get what you need
Preach on, Mick. Preach on.