The Last Gift

Randy Sneed pulled into the driveway at sunset as his golf clubs rattling in the back of his truck.  Even through it was December, the weather had turned out wonderfully warm.  Perfect for a late-season round of golf.

He noticed the light on in the kitchen. His wife must have dinner ready.  He had been married to Ann for 19 years and the one thing he could depend on was that dinner would be ready.  He slung his clubs into the utility closet, wiped his feet and unlocked the back door. The house was eerily quiet.

“Ann?”

No response.

“Ann?!?”

Randy shrugged his shoulders and saw his plate waiting on the table.  There was a lid covering it — how nice of her to keep his food warm like that.

He lifted the lid and there was nothing but a piece of paper.

“Randy, there are three days until Christmas.  I know you haven’t gotten me a present. And this year, I’m not telling you what to get. I’ve had it, Randy. Mess this up and I’m gone.  I’ll be at my mother’s tonight. Good luck.”

Randy stood there in the dining room dumbfounded.  When you live on your own little planet, you aren’t aware of when the rest of the universe has moved on.

He sat down in the chair and put his head in his hands.  Not since Adam and Eve had been run out of the Garden had a man felt more helpless.

The cat, Ann’s cat, came walking up to him and hissed.  “Great,” he said, “not you, too.”

The Mall looked like a kicked-over hornets nest. Angry shoppers were buzzing around, searching through picked over aisles hoping to find just the right gift.  Randy parked his truck in the outer parking lot and hoped someone would mug him.  At least then he’d have a good excuse for not getting Ann the right gift.

“Sorry I got you this snow globe. It was all I could find in the hospital gift shop…”

Sweat poured off his forehead as he walked into the Mall of Malls.  He swore he heard the Mall Cop cry out, “DEAD MAN WALKING!”  Like Homer, he was about to go on his odyssey.

What gift could he give Ann to keep her from leaving him?

He went into Frenchies’ Lingerie shop and immediately felt embarrassed.  He could see the look on his wife’s face if she opened up a box with a thong.  “May I help you?” the young sales assistant said. Randy blushed and stammered.  OK, sexy lingerie was not what Ann would want. (she was more of a flannel night shirt kind of girl anyway.) “Um, no,” Randy said as he quickly retreated out of the store.

He then went into the bookstore.  Now Randy could shop for himself for hours in there.  But Ann never had much time to read.  With the kids and her job, she was busy all the time.  He didn’t know how she did it, to be honest. But she did.  He scanned the thousands of titles and turned around and left. This was supposed to be about her. Not him.

He went into a clothes store and realized he didn’t even know what size she wore.  Oh good Lord, how could he not know that?  The sales assistant approached him slowly because she sensed fear in the man.  “May I help you?”

Randy looked at her defeated and said, “I think I’m beyond help.”

He walked out looked down at the fountain on the first level. He pulled out a handful of pennies and threw them down into the water.  His wish made, Randy walked through the Mall like Jacob Marley wrapped in chains.

He went past the toy store, the watch store, a clothes store, a eyewear store, a kitchen store — oh God no, he’d die if he brought home an appliance.  As the hours ticked by, he felt more lost.  They had been engaged on Christmas.  This year, he would be getting divorced on it.

“You look lost little boy.”

Randy swiveled to see the mall Santa standing behind him.

“Oh, hi Santa.”  Randy believed in the spirit of Christmas.  “Maybe you can help me.”  And there in the middle of the store, he told Father Christmas his quandary.

Santa rubbed his beard and said, “You know the answer already, Randy. You know what she wants.  You just have to give it to her.”

Randy looked at the old man and felt as frustrated as ever.  He shook the old man’s hand and thanked him.  He had to run into the one Mall Santa who thought he was Yoda.

This was going to be the worst Christmas. Ever.

He rode up the escalator, pondering what store to go to next.  As he rose to the top, he looked up at the skylights. There, through the glass, Randy could see a single star. A bright star.  He stared at it until he tripped at the top.  He stumbled forward and stared at it once again.

He knew what to give Ann.

Christmas morning was a hurricane of wrapping paper and bows.  The kids cut through their presents like locusts through grain.  Then it came down to the last gift.  Randy handed a beautifully wrapped box to his wife.

“Who wrapped this for you?” Ann said coldly.

“I did, thank you very much.” Randy said nicely.

Ann unwrapped it slowly, fearing what was inside. She knew that a chapter of her life was about to close.  She opened the black box inside and found a single piece of paper.

Dear Ann,

The best present I can give you is one that I have never given you before.  It is for me to be present.  I promise 100% of myself to you. Not to golf, not to hunting, or my work but you.  For 19 years, you have given so much to our relationship. I did not give back.  That all changes this Christmas morning.  From now on, I’m here for you.

Love, Randy.

Ann’s eyes teared up. It was the perfect gift. The one that she hoped for from her husband. Some how, some way the big doofus had read her mind.  But then she realized that he had gone cheap on her.

“Um, is this it?”

Randy smiled and said, “Of course not.” And from behind his back he pulled out a second box. He opened it up and placed a diamond necklace around her neck.

“Merry Christmas, Ann.”

As she smiled at her husband of 19 years, Ann realized that the last gift was the best gift of all.