You hit a storm and get thrown overboard. Thrashing around in the water, you struggle to keep your head above waves. Panic sets in. You’re angry you’re in the middle of the water and struggle. But then you feel calm. You start to find your stroke and start to move in a new direction. Muscles and stamina get stronger. You find a new boat and climb aboard.
I’ve been treading water for two years now. My body and mind have been thrashing, kicking and fighting — trying to survive. And, remarkably, I’ve learned to be a pretty good swimmer. I’ve had some real victories, some disappointments and continue to do so every single day. I run and run and run and run — and then I’ll hit a big, hard wall and collapse. At times, panic drives me. But most of the time, I am having fun. My new “normal” is anything but — but that’s OK. I don’t want to go back.
I get angry sometimes — probably my biggest sin. I let people and things inside my head when I shouldn’t. I’ve lost trust in people and institutions I used to deeply believe in. But for the most part, I’ve enjoyed the adventures I’ve experienced. People believe in my talent and I’m blessed.
Yesterday I hit a wall. There are days when I fail to see where all this is headed. My hope slips a notch and I’m left feeling emotionally and physically drained. Everyone has moments like this. I think the difference is how long it lasts. If I were to sit on the couch for a month and eat Moose Tracks Ice Cream, that’d be bad. But I seem to have weathered my inner storm. For now. I know another one will come. Sailing into the unknown means you get away from the safety of the shore. You will face inner storms. That’s what makes you a better sailor.
Today, I’m full of optimism again. I know my talent will propel me to new heights. I have faith in what I am doing and am prepared to show those who don’t believe in me just how wrong they are.
I’ve raised my sails. The horizon is my destination.
