Lawnmower thoughts: Things I think about when I cut the grass.

While I was cutting the grass, I was listening to a spirited debate about policy, jobs and where we are headed as a country. One person was saying we needed to go back to the way we were and another was saying we must adapt and move forward. I have some distinct opinions on this topic because it has been a huge part of my professional life for the past 15 years. So what are they? For the record, I’d love for things to back to the way they were in my life. I worked on a dynamic news team in a building full of smart and talented people. An all I had to do was draw one cartoon a day. But all that changed. The internet came along and my industry was radically affected by it. Readers had more choices, eyeballs went elsewhere and gaining revenue off of digital did not compensate for the loss of print readers. Debt and fixed costs (people and paper) put strains on the budget. Layoffs took place in mass.

I has been tough to watch. And you know what? My industry wasn’t the only one punched in the throat.

Sociologists and historians will look back this time the way they have at the industrial revolution. While it is easy for some politicians to blame others for our woes, automation is a much bigger culprit. Thanks to the internet, the world has shrunk to where we are now competing against everyone in it — not just the person across town. Change has been dropped in our laps and it (at times) isn’t pretty.

We live in an era of disruption.
It would be easy for me to say right here, “WE HAVE TO CHANGE.” Well no sh*t Sherlock. Of course we have to change. But it is scary if you think of it as some giant paradigm shift in our lives. Instead think of it another way: What can we do to make ourselves completely indispensable as an employee? How can we become so valuable we are the last to be cut and if we are, the community knows us already? How can we shift from living in fear to living in a world where we attack problems and turn them into opportunities?

How do we rise up this challenge?

For me, it is avoiding the temptation of pining for the good ol’ days. I loved my old job — but it’s not coming back. I love my new job — and it’s time for me to make it shine! It’s foolish to drive while looking in the rearview mirror the whole time. I am going to be brainstorming this week to come up with a list of 10 little things I can do differently.
I had a commenter once post on a post like this saying, “What if I don’t want to change?” My pithy answer would have been, “Good luck.” Honestly, though, I don’t blame him. So instead I say this, “what can I do to help motivate you and encourage you?”

We are all in this together.

And one final thought: While it is is tempting to be afraid, fear is exhausting. We need all the energy we can get. It’s time to reject it and all the merchants who peddle it.
Heck, I need to energy to cut my grass.

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National Cancer Survivor’s Day (or as I call it, Grateful Day)

Today is National Cancer Survivor’s Day. I am just now realizing this and I suppose I should have done something fancy to celebrate it, like eat cake or something. But I didn’t. In fact, I didn’t think about cancer once today — well, until now. I’m 18 years-out since my skin tried to kill me and know that my melanoma could come back at anytime. But I could get hit by a car, too, or even hit by meteor — so I don’t dwell on it anymore (Lord knows I did when it first happened). So what did I do? I lived a normal Sunday. I got home at midnight last night from a wedding in Oxford (after driving up from the coast.) Pip woke me up at nine and I went to church. I prayed a little but not about my cancer. But I was thankful — something that I generally am since I heard those dreadful three words (You have cancer). When I got home, I did about three hours of yard work. Then I went to the lake and kayaked a bit. At one point, I stopped and enjoyed the sun going down. I sat out on the water and watched the golden light reflect over the lake’s ripples. I listened to the sound of a blue heron’s cry and the water lapping against my kayak. I bobbed up and down on the small waves and just felt grateful for being allowed to see something so gorgeous.

I’ve always felt a bit weird saying I am a cancer survivor because my treatment was pretty simple — cut half a grapefruit out of my back, a few lymph nodes out and 80 other moles and I’m good as new. But melanoma is particularly deadly and I’ve been treated like I’ve had cooties by some folks (like life insurance salesmen). I have lost friends to the disease and feel so fortunate my doctor caught it early enough for me to have a bonus 6,620 days.

I’ve watched my sons be born and grow up. And I’ve seen a few sunrises and sunsets along the way.

Like tonight.

I am grateful. But that’s something I should be every day. It shouldn’t have taken a few malignant melanocyte cells to make me appreciate’s life’s gift. But it did.
So I’ll rub my scar tonight and say a word of thanks and look forward to tomorrow.

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Fit2Fat2Fit Blog: May 31, 2019

 
Weight 222.4
Calories burned: 826

Finished up the week’s workout and lost a couple of pounds since last week. The best part of the workout was that we stretched (a lot) at the end of it. Not that there was anything wrong with the other exercises, they were challenging after all, it’s just that part of my knee problem (probably 99% of it) is caused by tight muscles. I am not a limber 20-year-old anymore. So I need to stretch my fat butt out. And like most people, I have no patience. So most of the time, I will skip a good stretch. Not today and my knee feels pretty good.

While I am not overwhelmed with my weight loss, I am starting to notice my body changing shape — which is very good news. I am still out of shape and still tired — but I am getting better. Little victories are what you have to grab ahold of. It took me five months to get out of shape. It’s not coming back in two weeks. It’s coming back, though, and that’s what matters. I need to stay the course.

Tomorrow will be a challenge because I will be in a car most of the day. I plan on getting up early and knocking out at least three miles of running and catching the sunrise. 

Have a good Friday!

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Fit2Fat2Fit Blog: 5/29/19

Starting weight: 225.6. Today’s weight: 222.6

Calories burned: 995 (Bootcamp workout and 1/2 of a mile run on track)

Average heart rate: 136 bpm. 

Total Time: 1:07:12

My knee is iffy right now. Saturday, I ran 7 1/2 miles and it started aching later on the day (when the ibuprofen wore off). I skipped yesterday (I was sore from mowing an acre with a push mower on Monday anyway) to let it heal up a little bit. Today, I did the workout and then ran the bleachers with it. The knee held OK. Eventually, though, I think I’m going to have to get an MRI to make sure there isn’t a slight meniscus tear. It’s sore now but not bad.

Aches and pains are part being an athlete at 51. I have to stretch more. I have to put up with a few ouchies along the way. I have to expect the unexpected.

I remember my cousin once telling me that getting old isn’t for sissies. Isn’t that the damn truth. But I will always keep up some kind of workout regimen. Right now, I’m focusing on my next marathon.

Why do I keep pushing like this? I’ve spent a fair amount of time in nursing homes in the past few years and I can tell you this, I want to be the person who is up and active, not the person who is drooling into their oatmeal bowl. Exercise is the key and solution to so many potential health issues as you get older.

At 51, I know I’m on the back nine and I’m going to make sure I play one hell of a round to close out my game.

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Fit2Fat2Fit Blog 5/23/19

Starting weight: 225.6. Today’s weight: 223.4

Calories burned: 1101 (Bootcamp workout and 3/4 of a mile run on track)

Average heart rate: 129 bpm. (a little lower for reasons you find out in a minute)

Total Time: 1:15:21

The Madison Central Football Field’s playing surface is artificial turf. It’s much different than the artificial turf of my day (AstroTurf — which was plastic carpet on concrete.) This playing surface is more cushioned and is made up of plastic fake grass and rubber black dots that look like rat turds. Today, I managed to inhale a piece of the fake grass and it went deep into my lungs. My lungs apparently don’t care for pieces of fake grass to be buried deep in them, so I started having coughing spasms. Bad coughing spasms — like “the time I had pneumonia” coughing spasms. It was a the end of my workout when it happened, so I weighed in (while gagging) and then went under the stadium to have a huge coughing fit. (I knew a friend of mine who is a doctor was on the field — if this turned into an issue, I didn’t want to be driving home when it happened) My coughing kept getting worse and worse and worse. Finally, it let go and I was able to spit it out.

Mission Accomplished. I was relieved — although I am sure everyone on the field thought I was puking. So once it came out, I came back out on the track and ran another three laps.

Today was leg day and I was nervous about my knee. (I hurt it during leg day in the fall doing squats.) My knee did fine — although I chose not to run the “gauntlet” which is running up and down the stadium. That would have been a bit much. Overall, though, I am pleased to have made it through the week with confidence in my healed knee.

This weekend is Memorial Day. I will go hang out with the family, cookout and will probably even splurge and have a beer or two. But I will also run and try not to eat too much crap. This isn’t a diet. This is a lifestyle change. Like Garfield said about Diets, it’s Die with a T. So I will live a little bit. Just not too much.

I gained a pound from yesterday (probably from all the black dots on me) but I’m not too worried — your weight will fluctuate as you replace fat with muscle. Overall, I feel much better where I am today than where I was on Tuesday. I’m running much better. I write this because when you are going through a tough moment exercising, do like Churchill said about Hell: You keep going.

It will get better — especially once you cough the damn piece of green grass out of your lungs.


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Fit2Fat2Fit Blog: May 22, 2019

Starting weight: 225.6. Today’s weight: 222.4

Calories burned: 999 (Bootcamp workout and 1/2 run on track)

Average heart rate: 140 bpm. 

Total Time: 1:04:06

Last night, my son (who is doing the bootcamp with me) and I cut an acre of land with a push mower. By the time I went to bed, I had burned over 2,000 active calories and 4,100 calories total in one day. When I woke up this morning at 3:45, I was REALLY sore. The workout was tough and at times left me gasping. But I did it. When we finished, my son and I ran two more laps on the track. The coach yelled out, “Didn’t you get enough?”

Um, yes I did. But I pushed through two more laps (a half of a mile) for two reasons.

  1. I want to get in better shape. And doing a little bit extra will get me there quicker.
  2. I am running a marathon in November. I have to be able to push forward when I am exhausted. Mile 20 to mile 26.2 is a mind-game as your glycogen (what your brain feeds on) is used up and your body is screaming, “STOP!”

Eventually, I will stretch the two laps into four and then into eight.

I am overweight, out of shape, tired and sore. But each day, I get lighter, get fitter and get more tired and sore. But I am doing it. I’m beat up but won’t beat myself up. I’m on my way to being fit again. The main reason why I am doing this is to train my brain to keep fighting when I get exhausted. What happens if my cancer comes back? I must fight when I am exhausted. What happens if I lost my job? I must fight when I am exhausted. We all have to learn to keep fighting when we are down. Today was a solid lesson.

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Fit-to-Fat-to-Fit Blog: May 21, 2019

Starting weight: 225.6. Today’s weight: 224.4

Calories burned: 1,031 (Bootcamp workout and 1/2 run on track)

Average heart rate: 140 bpm. 

Total Time: 1:09:50

Ow.

When muscles go anaerobic, they produce a waste product called lactic acid. Lactic acid is what causes your muscles to hurt. My muscles aren’t in particularly good shape, so I go anaerobic quicker than I used to. That means my muscles hurt more than they used to.

The bottom line? It hurts to sit down. It hurts to stand up. Walking from the car to the office today wasn’t exactly a bucket of chuckles either. Putting on my socks was a challenge. Typing doesn’t hurt. But give it time — we’re only half way through the week.

And you know what? I’m thrilled about it.

First of all, it means I am on my way to getting fit again. Second of all, I cherish pain.

You’re looking at me like, “um, ok…”

Let me explain. I don’t use a hot spoon to carve tattoos on my chest. Nor do I stick my finger in the garbage disposal on purpose. I only like good pain. I crave discomfort. I seek the kind of pain that helps me grow. Because there is an overwhelming part of me that craves security — my comfort zone. And by getting out there and hurting, I am pushing past it.

In the past, I tried to avoid it. That’s why so many people self medicate. They may have a voice inside of themselves that makes them hurt. To try to extinguish it, they might drink, do drugs, eat lots of sugar, binge, hoard — you get it. I have found the best way to shut the voice down is to shut it up. And the best way I’ve found to do that is to look it into the eye and come right at it.

That’s why I do a bootcamp as a form of exercise. That’s why I run marathons. That’s why I push myself. It’s mental training as much as it is physical training. It shuts up the voice in my head that tells me I can’t. Yes, I get slimmer. Yes, I get healthier. But I also heal mentally. This type of good pain is a wrecking ball for depression, anxiety and self doubt. I can tell you first hand — if you can push through mile 20 of a marathon, you can get out of bed in the morning when you are mentally exhausted.

Today’s workout was humid and I really felt out of shape. At one point we were running 150 yard sprints and at about the 5th one, I started getting light headed. But I told myself I could push through it. And I did. I am one of the most out of shape of all the people in my line (my son is in the line and he is making me look old and slow — which I am). I have set my sights on getting back to line one (the line with the best athletes in it). I will get back there — one step at a time. And on the good news front, my knee held up today — although I am still favoring it.

Knee pain is not good pain. Just for the record.

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Fit-to-Fat-to-Fit Blog 5/20/19

Starting weight: 225.6. Today’s weight: 225.6

Calories burned: 1.056 (Bootcamp workout and one mile run on track)

Average heart rate: 146 bpm.

Total Time: 1:10:16

There’s a skunk that lives on the Madison Central campus and he was out this morning foraging through the garbage cans. When the weight room door was opened, he decided to chill in there instead. For reasons why you can probably understand, the weight-lifting portion of our workout got cancelled; we wisely ran on the track instead.

I say this because at least I wasn’t the only one out there this morning stinking the place up.

But I shouldn’t be that hard on myself. This is the first time I’ve done a Paul Lacoste workout since last November. Back then, I weighed 195 lbs, and could run 15 miles at a 8-minute per mile pace. Then I hurt my knee. Today I am 30 pounds heavier and was gasping like a catfish on a dock.

I’ll be honest, I struggled through the workout. Instead of working out in line one (where I have been for a few years now), I was in line two and felt lucky to be there. I’d look over at my old line one team mates and think, “I’ll be back soon.”

I don’t write this to beat myself up. I write this to tell you that even if you have laid off exercising for a while (say, since middle school), you can still get back out there and burn a few calories. You don’t have to sling yourself around a field like I did — you can go for a walk, a jog, a swim — the bottom line is just to get out there and get moving. Do SOMETHING for 30 minutes a day. Get your blood flowing and heart moving. Sitting on your can is as bad as smoking for your health.

Sure, it was painful. But it was a good pain. My knee held up. I survived and I didn’t get sprayed by a skunk. All and all, it was a good way to start the week and the next 11 weeks.

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Fit to Fat to Fit Blog. 5/19/19

I have let myself go.

Well, that’s a bit harsh but I have put on 30 lbs. I went from fit to fat. Why? I hurt my knee in November, tried to stay in shape by going to the gym, got caught up in the stress of a new job and trying to keep up with my master’s class and traveled. A lot.

Food became a crutch. Bad food. I then quit caffeine (not a totally bad thing) I got lazy and started sleeping until 5:30 a.m.

I know. What a slacker, right?
Add to that this: I am wired weird — I am in constant fight or flight mode (why is a story for another day). Basically, I feel like I am constantly under threat. That wears me out. I need exercise. It keeps me sane.

So something has to give. And tomorrow, it will.

The 4 a.m. Wake-Up Club is back.

Diet. Exercise. Prayer. Planning. Meditation. That’s the foundation of my plan. I will look at my relationships, my work, my physical health and my mental/spirtual health.
Tomorrow, I start a new round of Paul Lacoste’s bootcamp as I train for November’s marathon. I will keep track of my progress and the progress of my teammates and report back here.

I am in terrible shape. So this will be hard. But nothing in life that’s worth it is ever easy.
Mississippi struggles in several health categories. I refuse to be a statistic. Tomorrow, I begin to change all that — for the better.

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When your brain lies to you

NAMI MS was nice enough to give me an award last night. (NAMI is the National Alliance for Mental Illness.) for my advocacy. I was one of many wonderful people honored — although I’d be the first to admit the other recipients were much more deserving. But it got me thinking about mental illness, the ridiculous stigma attached to it and the challenges facing those who struggle with it. First of all, look around you. People to your right and left most likely are struggling with something. Mental health is brain health and encompasses a wide range of problems. There is nothing shameful, weak or horrible about it. That’d be like being ashamed because you have heart disease or cancer. Something in your body isn’t working well. You need to go see a doctor or therapist to figure out ways to fix it. And then you get treated.

Life isn’t a bucket of chuckles when your brain is lying to you.

So many roadblocks are there for people to get treatment. First of all, there’s the aforementioned stigma. People are afraid that getting treatment will be used against them. Will they lose their jobs? Will a spouse use it against them? Will people label them or think they are weak? Will people at church or work gossip about them? Then there is the cost, lack of insurance coverage or just lack of knowing who to go to when you are struggling through daily life. We all have bad days. But if those bad days are stringing together like a string of radioactive pearls, reach out to your doctor, pastor or even a friend.

I am not a mental health expert. I have, however experienced some anxiety (after my cancer and after being made part-time) and severe grief (probably light depression) from the exhaustion brought on by my parents’ illnesses, deaths and all the mud that was stirred up from it all. It, for a lack of better words, kicked my ass — or at least my brain. (and I got a concussion in the middle of it — that didn’t help either). I am fortunate I had great support from my family, friends and professionals. Being in the 4 a.m. wake-up club (Paul Lacoste’s Bootcamps and running) got me through the really tough stuff. When I get like that, I tend to turn inward and shy away from public interaction. I caught myself yelling for no reason and allowing things to fall through the cracks. I was a pain in the butt to be around at times. I was sad. It was tempting to self-medicate to make that pain stop — but I chose healthy habits to get me through it instead. I plowed forward.

I never missed work. I did a good job at my job. My feet hit the ground running every morning. I smiled and gritted my teeth. It was exhausting. But I knew I was not alone. My only regret is that I wasn’t the father, husband, employee and friend I could have been. It felt like running through molasses or running with your parking brake on. But I came out of it understanding why I am like I am — and I feel like I own a bunch of people apologies!
I’m back to whatever normal was for me. And in some ways, I’m better. The dark, cold fog of grief is lifting more everyday.

There are people in your lives who are going though much worse than what I experienced. They are lonely and are in very real pain. They want to cry for help but for all the reasons I mentioned previously, feel like that can’t. They feel like they are alone. And they can’t get the pain to stop. Reach out to them and care. You don’t need to be a trained therapist to do that.

The number one lesson I’ve learned is this: Mental health is health. You take care of your whole body, brain included, though diet, exercise and other healthy habits. And you use that health to reach out to others to make their lives better.

Thanks NAMI MS for the award. I was tired last night when I got to the banquet. But I was energized by the time I left. And congratulations to the other winners and the huge difference you make everyday by helping others get the assistance they need.

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