CARTOON: Craft Beer & Sudafed

Always love a Smokey & The Bandit reference…

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The Finger of God

The Gulf of Mexico had opened its floodgates.  Warm, moist air was blanketing the little town like warm, wet blanket.  Even the clouds moved quickly, like they sensed trouble was coming.  You could smell New Orleans — and the town was over 200 miles north.

The National Weather Service had issued a PDS (Particularly Dangerous Situation) Tornado Watch. Spring had come to Mississippi. And March was about to roar in like a Lion.  Wind chimes rattled in distance, signaling the doom yet to come.

The deputy felt a sense of unease.  Bad weather always rattled his nerves. Maybe it was the tornado from the movie from the Wizard of Oz. Maybe it was the hell he had survived on the Gulf Coast during Katrina. But most likely his fear came from the tornado that had destroyed his childhood home.  His father’s quick action had saved the family. He could close his eyes and still see his father rushing in the room lit by the strobe lightning.  They had made the shelter with moments to spare.

The deputy looked fine on the outside. But there was a 30-year-old scar on the inside that burned on days like this.  Surviving the tornado that had killed his friends and wiped out his town gave him a new appreciation (and fear) of the weather.

His radio squawked, “Deputy Jones, you need to come back to HQ. We have another weather briefing.” The Weather Service was taking this potential outbreak very serious. The guys at the Jackson NWS office were pros — they ought to be. They sure got enough experience.  “MEMA is on the line, too. This will be a bad day. Make sure your family is safe, too.”

The deputy tried to stay calm.  But he felt his insides roaring.  The scar was burning. And all he wanted to do was snatch his family and drive a thousand miles away.

The Mississippi Emergency Management Agency’s rep described the unique weather situation that was unfolding.  “The same atmospheric dynamics are in play as were during the outbreak that leveled Smithville.” Smithville was the little bedroom community near Amory that got leveled by an EF-5 tornado.  EF-5 was practically unsurvivable.  You couldn’t hide from a monster like that.   The deputy looked at his phone. Radar showed super cells forming in Louisiana.  Let the game begin.

He and the Sheriff rode together through town. They’d act as spotters as well as making sure if something bad did happen, order was maintained.  Who were they kidding? There is no order after a tornado.  He looked at his lunch and decided to pass. His stomach was flat tied in knots.  He closed his eyes again and saw his dad running into his room.

At 4:30 p.m., the sirens went off in the town.  The lonesome moaning sounded like the souls of previous tornado victims crying out in warning.  A funnel had been spotted southwest of town and was moving toward them.  The Sheriff and the deputy floored it, causing the V-8 in the 2012 Dodge Charger patrol car to roar like the storm it was about to meet head on.

Some people call tornadoes “the finger of God.”  The rope tornado that formed outside of the city limits quickly grew into a hungry monster wedge tornado.  By the time it came into town, it was over a mile wide, erasing 100 years of history in seconds.  The sheriff and deputy saw the cloud, but didn’t realize what it was until it was too late.  The other winds of the storm tossed the car, flipping it several times.  The Sheriff’s seat belt broke. He was tossed outside of the car and taken by the storm. His body was found three weeks later in a pond five miles northeast of town.

The deputy woke up upside down and shook his head. Blood trickled down his face, blinding him temporarily.  He carefully took inventory of his injuries: Nothing seemed broken.  He unhooked his seatbelt and fell to the ceiling of his car. He gingerly crawled out of the crumbled car — how had he survived?  He called out for the Sheriff?  All he got in return was silence and the smell of broken pines.

He took his shirt and wiped the blood out of his eyes.  Television did not do tornado damage justice. As far as he could see, there were broken timbers and broken dreams.  He started hearing cries.

It was time to serve and protect.

The first rescue was a lady who had also been in a tossed car.  She had a broken arm and severe lacerations on her face. Her friend was dead in the backseat.  The deputy closed her eyes and covered her face.  He grabbed his radio and called for help.  Silence. Then he got ahold of the AMR ambulance paramedic he knew from the donut shop.  “I have multiple injuries in the south part of town. Send someone immediately.”

His friend replied, “You need to get to your home immediately.”  The deputies heart came out of his mouth. He vomited in a ditch on the side of the road.

The deputy wasn’t a runner, but he could have outran a Kenyan marathoner that day. He’d only stop to check on people he saw in need.  But the thought of his wife and little girl fueled his legs. He had to get home now.

When he got to the top of the hill, he saw the monster in the distance that had destroyed his town.  “ARRGHHHH!!! DAM’ YOU!” he screamed as he looked at the ruined little down ahead of him. The Courthouse was destroyed. The Police Station, too. The Sheriff’s office was flattened. Cars were tossed like toys and water shot to the sky from broken hydrants. Homes didn’t stand a chance. The school was severely damaged — thank goodness the school district had sent the kids home early. They would have been in buses with the beast hit.  Not that they probably fared much better at home.

Then he saw where his house is.  Or was.  There was nothing but timbers.

The threw up again.

He ran into his yard, stepping a nail and piercing his foot.  But he couldn’t have felt pain right now if he had tried.  Adrenaline allows mothers to kill bears and children to lift cars.  He threw the debris aside with the strength of ten men, all the while screaming the names of his wife and daughter.  “Sylvia! Jasmine!” He heard nothing in return.

He smelled natural gas.  God, he was about to explode and burn alive. What a perfect ending to a terrible day.

He came to where he thought the bathroom might have been.  He continued to throw debris aside. A couple of his neighbors stumbled over to help. All the while the deputy kept calling his family’s names.

Then he found a little hand. Next to it was a bear. A very familiar bear. He grabbed a broken piece of plywood and pulled it aside.

What he saw would haunt him for the rest of his life.

There, protecting his little girl was his wife. Both were bloodied and crumpled. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!” He screamed.

When he screamed, both the girl and the woman moved slightly.  THEY WERE ALIVE!  He got back on his radio and called his friend, “Send someone over here immediately!  They are alive.”

He checked both. Neither had broken bones.  He cradled his little girl and held her in arms like the precious gift she was.  He helped his wife sit up and got her a bottle of water.  “What happened?” she quietly moaned.

“You apparently are a hero,” the Deputy said to his wife.

“You are bleeding,” she said groggily.

“It’s OK, a lot of us are bleeding. But we survived. The tornado tried to kill us but we’re still here.”

“The weather radio went off. We had about a minute. I heard a roar, threw myself on Jasmine and then nothing.”

“You made most of your minute.” The deputy said to his wife as he saw his friend come running to help.  “I have to go and rescue some more folks.” The deputy handed the bear to his battered little girl and said, “Daddy will be home to protect you soon.”  And with that, the deputy went back out to rescue more of his fellow neighbors.

The Tornado of 2012 was classified as an EF-4 by the National Weather Service. It stayed on the ground for over 40 miles and had winds approaching 200 mph.  It took the life of 13 people, including the Sheriff’s.  The deputy was soon elected Sheriff and became instrumental in the rebuilding of the little town. Each home was rebuilt with built-in storm shelters.  This tornado had left a scar on the inside of every survivor, just like the storm had of the deputy’s youth.  The deputy (now Sheriff) wondered just exactly how terrifying a tornado must have been to the Choctaws and Chickasaws. And he could only imagine how scared the Spanish and French explorers must have been.  But he no longer felt fear of tornadoes. He felt a sense of fate now.  Mississippi’s weather forged you like iron into steel. When God was ready to take him, He would take him. But right now, he had been given the gift of realizing how fragile life really is.

He had been touched by the Finger of God and had lived to tell about it.

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Fit-to-Fat-to-Fat Blog: Day 32 — Out of Exile

Goal Weight: 195 lbs.

Today’s weight: 210 lbs.

This is a photo of exile.

It’s the Jackson State University track where I’ve been running every morning this week. Since last Friday, I’ve run 30 miles. Sixteen of those were on this track. Round and round and round I went, pushing my tired legs and breathing in JTRAN bus fumes.

But exile is now over. I’m a free man.  Why? I lost EIGHT pounds this week, pushing my total for the program to 31 pounds.  Let me repeat that — EIGHT pounds this week. Thirty-one pounds total.

Paul talked to us about not looking around and comparing ourselves to our teammates. He told us not to think, “I’m doing as good as the other people in my line” He said we should push ourselves 100% to be the best we can possibly be.  That’s what I tried to do this week in exile: To make the best of an opportunity. I chose to push myself as hard as I could to get positive results. I must always be accountable to the man in the glass.  (although I do look to my teammates and think, “I want to be as good as they are.)

Eight pounds. I’m now 15 pounds from my goal. I’m now out of exile. And I’m proud to be released for good behavior.

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Friday Free-For-All

Thanks good it is, well, Friday. What a week it has been.

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Fit-to-Fat-to-Fit Blog: Day 31 (Exile Day 3)

Goal Weight: 195 lbs.

Today’s Weight: 211 lbs.

I found a note in my pants this morning. It was from my legs and I was shocked by what the note said:  “I want a divorce, your legs”

My legs are apparently fed up with me.  And I can’t say I blame them.

It was another day out on the JSU track — home of JTRAN bus exhaust and (as of this week) me.

And like the wheels on the bus, I went  ’round and ’round.  The unexiled folks got to do all eight stations today, so my exiled self got more time out on the track. That meant I ran either 18 or 19 laps (either 4.5 or 4.75 miles) this morning. Why the inexact number?  I don’t know whether to count the last time I hit the button on my watch.  (Remind me to wear my GPS watch the next time I’m exiled. Math is not my strong suit at 5 a.m. in the morning.) Anyway, that puts me at nearly 27 miles of running since last Friday.  That’s a lot of miles on old, out-of-shape legs.  But once again, I did it.  It’s good to be back running again.

And for the record, I probably won’t grant my legs the divorce. But if they’re good, I’ll give them some ibuprofen.

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Thursday Free-For-All

Good morning! Hope you have a great day!

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Leap Day

Leap Day #1: Two babies lay in the same nursery only three cribs apart. One was a boy and the other was a girl. No one could have predicted the amazing life they’d live together.

Leap Day #2: Two toddler in preschool looked at each other. Both celebrated birthdays. The boy, James, threw a cupcake at the girl.  The girl, Samantha, hit James in the head with a block in retribution. A relationship was born.

Leap Day #3: James and Samantha sat at their second-grade lunchroom table.  Both chatted with friends and completely ignored that the other one was in the room.

Leap Day #4: Hormones began to rage like the day before a hurricane.  James and Samantha sat across from each other in the gym.  Looks were exchanged and a flame was ignited.

Leap Day #5: James asked Samantha out on a first date.  Samantha’s dad met him at the front door.  James, fresh driver’s license in hand, carefully opened the car door for his beautiful date.  A first kiss was exchanged.  And a love was sealed.

Leap Day #6: A long-distance relationship frayed around the edges. Samantha had gone out of state to school. James had gotten an athletic scholarship to the big in-state school.  Temptation caused James to make bad decisions. A young boy from New York caught Samantha’s.  A painful phone call was made.  Tears flowed and a flame was temporarily snuffed.

Leap Day #7: A chance encounter on the street of their small town caused hearts to beat wild. Both were home and single.  Coffee was purchased and sparks flew.  The flame reignited on that cold, February morning.

Leap Day #8: James stood at the front of the church watching the beautiful bride walk down the aisle. Her father, the man who had once glowered at him on the front porch so many years ago, gave his daughter away.  Tears flowed down Samantha’s face. An amazing marriage began that day.

Leap Day #9: James Jr. was born on that February morning. Their first child lay in the nursery, beautiful and crying.  Samantha and James celebrated the birth of their first child.

Leap Day #10: Samantha and James celebrated the birth of their second child.  Jennifer Rae cried as her little brother looked at his new little sister.  His world was rocked.  James’ heart was now wrapped around another little girl’s finger.

Leap Day #11: Samantha and James welcomed their birthday with a disturbing call from Samantha’s doctor.  “Cancer,” was the word that would forever alter their world.  Like iron forged into steel, the battle ahead of them made them stronger than they had ever been before.

Leap Day #12: Samantha’s health had returned.  She and James loved this phase of their lives.  They celebrated together with their children the day that had meant so much to their lives.

Leap Day #13: James watched as James Jr. drove down the street in the family car.  He felt a knot in his stomach — being a parent wasn’t for the weak.

Leap Day #14: The doorbell rang and James walked to the front door. There was a young boy standing nervously on the porch. “Is Jennifer Rae ready?”  James smiled and remembered the look on his father-in-law’s face when he had rang Samantha’s door so many years ago.

Leap Day #15: Samantha and James sat in the baseball stadium and watched James Jr. swing at the fastball coming at him. A dink of the metal bat and the roar of the crowd signaled yet another home run of his amazing collegiate career.  Both parents smiled and felt the joy of life.

Leap Day #16: Jennifer Rae graduated early from college. Her work ethic was nothing short of incredible. James smiled as he looked into his daughter’s eyes. They were a younger version of her mother’s. He never had felt love like that in his life.

Leap Day #17: That love burned even hotter as he walked Jennifer Rae down the aisle.  He looked over and saw James Jr. in his tux, beaming at his little sister.

Leap Day #18: Samantha and James retired on the same day. Both planned the next phase of their lives. Travel was #1 on their to-do list and the began visiting every continent. And they covered every mile hand in hand.

Leap Day #19: Samantha and James celebrated their anniversary surrounded by all who loved them.  Jennifer Rae had twins and James Jr. had three kids of his own.  The banquet room was filled with laughter and love, the sign of a life well-lived.

Leap Day #20: Time began to take its toll on both Samantha and James.  James started losing his sight. Samantha’s memory began to slip.  But James didn’t need to see Samantha to know how beautiful she was.  And Samantha would never forget how much she loved her beloved husband.

Leap Day #21: They died the same day.  After 80 years, they had celebrated an amazing life.  Samantha died early in the morning.  Cancer had come back to claim another victim. Some say that James died of a broken heart later that afternoon.

At the funeral, Jennifer Rae and James Jr. joked that their parents were only 21-days old and acted like it. But they had lived more in 21 days than most people lived their whole lives.

All on Leap Day.

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Fit-to-Fat-to-Fit Blog: Day 30 (Day 2 of exile)

Goal Weight: 195 lbs.

Today’s Weight: 212 lbs.

As I was heading toward exile this morning (the track), one of my teammates said, “Bet you won’t blog that you lost zero pounds again…”

Without hesitation I said, “I’d do it again in a heartbeat.”

Why? Because this blog isn’t about:

  1. How wonderful exercise is.
  2. How wonderful I am doing.
  3. How wonderful Paul LaCoste is (although I like him personally and his program has worked miracles for me.)

This blog is a daily chronicle about making choices. Some good. Some bad. And what I’m learning from both. I’ll continue to post my victories and my defeats.

I made a choice last Thursday night. My son had nailed a great performance in his school program and we allowed him to go to his favorite restaurant. I picked what I thought was a healthy choice on the menu but it was full of fat, sodium and MSG.  I ate half the humongous portion and felt bloated and ill. The next morning  when I weighed-in, I stayed the same on my weight.  By Saturday I felt better and had lost three pounds.

I made a poor choice off the menu. And now I’m paying for it. But I won’t say it was a mistake.  It will only be a mistake if I don’t learn from it.  And I have.

We are a product of our choices and the lessons we learn from them.  It’s something I’ve learned over the past few weeks.  My choices in my diet and with exercise now allow me to work 14 hours a day and have energy to still be a dad.  As of this morning’s weigh-in, I’m 36 pounds lighter than I was in late December when I weighed 248 pounds. I’ve lost five inches from around my waist. I can spend quality time with my sons that I couldn’t before. And I hope I’m a better husband.  The stress of my ever evolving career is more manageable.  I now see that what I thought were problems are really opportunities.

Today I ran four miles on the track — and I’ve run 22 miles since last Friday.  I’m choosing to make the most of my exile.  And I’m trying to learn a little bit from the experience.

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Wednesday Free-For-All

Good morning! What’s up?

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The Front Porch

The early evening Mississippi August air was as thick as syrupy sweet tea. The couple sat silently on the front porch, praying for a slight breeze to blow through the oaks.  But no breeze was to be found.  The old terrier lay between the two, waiting for a word to be said. He waited a long, long time.

It was still. Too still.

You could cut the tension with Ginzu knife. (and it would still cut a tomato just like this…)

The dog didn’t quite understand what was going on with the humans. They were angry again. To the dog, it seemed silly. Of course, he ate cat poop, too. His understanding of the world wasn’t exactly sophisticated.

The married couple fumed. They had gotten so efficient at fighting they didn’t even know what they were fighting about. They were just mad. Pissed, actually. They sat on their front porch that sticky summer afternoon with heads hotter than the August itself.

Sure, they loved each other. But over the years, they had forgotten how to express it.  A slight here and a slight there and their relationship’s well had now run dry.  Both were mad about the past.  Unfortunately, the two forgot the simple fact that they live in the present.  They couldn’t forgive. Trust had evaporated like the puddles after a summer thunderstorm.  So like the afternoon air after the rain, they steamed.

Pride shackled them to pain.  Neither wanted to be first to admit they were sorry.  Oh no — That would be admitting they did something wrong. They slowly rocked their rockers, looking straight ahead and fumed. Both pretended the other one didn’t exist. It was easier to be mad that way. Nothing like forgiveness to screw up a perfectly good pity party.

The dog saw a squirrel trying to sneak down one of the giant oaks. He bolted off the porch and barked with great gusto. The squirrel, seeing the brown blur headed toward him, retreated to safety by jumping to another oak and escaping down its trunk. It left the frustrated terrier barking at the base of the wrong tree.

He was just like the couple’s relationship.

Both looked at their foolish dog and realized that their lives were barking up the wrong tree.  Admitting they were wrong, thought, would involve effort.  And effort would cause them to sweat.

“I’m sorry.”

Both spoke in unison.  They turned their heads and looked at each other. They didn’t have to say what for. That history had been well documented and written into the stone of their hearts.  But both had just taken a risk. To admit that they weren’t perfect. They made a sacrifice in their own pride to heal a wound.

Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our debts,
as we also have forgiven our debtors.

The dog gave up on the squirrel and trotted back up to the porch. He lapped cool water from the bowl and plopped back down onto the wood floor.  It was too hot — the squirrels would have to wait.

The couple reached out their hands and held the other’s tight.

And when they did, a cool breeze blew through the oaks. It pushed the hot, still muggy August air aside, chilling their anger and their sweaty faces. And at that moment, the prideful couple thought of someone other than themselves.

The dog rolled over and began to snore.  Humans eventually figured out what a dog knew instinctively — Give someone else what they want and you can have everything you want.

On that hot Mississippi August afternoon, the temperature dropped 15 degrees.  And for that, the dog on the front porch was glad.

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