This is reprinted from my new book, “Fried Chicken & Wine” available now.
Paula Pickle didn’t feel very Christmasy. In fact, she felt pretty darn far from it. No matter how hard she tried, she felt like her heart had shrunk to the size of a walnut. She just sat in her cramped company cubicle, looked at her “Justin Bieber quote-a- day calendar and said, “I wonder.” So she began to wonder. And wonder some more. And then she began to wonder when she’d feel the Christmas spirit. It was December 20 and she felt nothing. Zip. Nada. Not a thing. The Grinch had nothing on Paula Pickle.
She began to panic.
“I must feel Christmasy. I must be awash in Christmas spirit.”
She had 5 days to get her Christmas on. So Paula Pickle picked a positively perfect plan: “Tomorrow, I’ll begin my quest for Christmas. I’ll go on a Holiday quest. A Yuletide wanderlust. A Christmas walkabout.” Pansy Parker, who worked in purchasing looked at her like she had lost her everlasting mind.
Day 1: Paula began her quest for Christmas at the Mall. “Surely I will be awash in Christmas spirit here.” But the crowds had the opposite effect on her. “I don’t feel very Christmasy,” she told the Mall Santa as she crushed his left femur while sitting on his knee. “Can you make me awash in the Christmas spirit.” Instead of “Ho Ho Ho,” Santa said, “No No No.” And then begged her to get off his lap.
Day 2. Paula put on her festive Christmas sweater and listened to “Grandma Got Run Over by A Reindeer” 134 times in a row. “Funny, that doesn’t make me feel very Christmasy. I am not awash in Christmas spirit.” Her quest for Christmas had hit another dead end.
Day 3. Her quest continued. She watched Fourteen Christmas specials on Netflix, drank eggnog and bought an illuminated lawn reindeer on QVC. Nothing. “Fudge. I’ve failed to feel festive,”she said, frustrated.
Day 4. Paula Pickle was facing a Yuletide logjam. “It is Christmas Eve and I don’t feel Christmasy. I have failed to feel festive. I am not awash in Christmas spirit. This will be the worst Christmas ever. My quest has been a failure” She sat up all night waiting for Scrooge’s three ghosts to appear to make her enjoy Christmas. Her last words as she drifted off to sleep were, “Bah, humbug.”
Day 5. Paula Pickle woke up early. Santa had arrived and given her precious cat Petunia a catnip cat toy. But Paula had not received the Christmas spirit. She sat in her house, looked at the new-fallen snow outside and watched as the kids played with their new toys. She noticed one little boy, Peter Petrie, who was standing by himself on the other side of the yard. Paula put on her pretty pink parka and proceeded to go talk to Peter. “Merry Christmas, Peter. Why the frowny face?”
Peter looked up at Paula and said, “Sorry Miss Pickle. My dad is off at war and my Mom didn’t feel like doing much this Christmas. We’re stuck here and my grandparents can’t come see us.”
Paula looked at the young boy and said, “Come with me.”
She knocked on Peter’s door and his mom Priscilla answered. “Hi, Priscilla, I hope you don’t mind my being forward, but I have a huge turkey and lots of food and would love for you and Peter to come over and have Christmas dinner with me. It would be fantastically festive.”
Pricilla’s eyes began to water and she hugged Paula. “Thank you.”
And that afternoon, when Paula Pickle carved the roasted turkey, she felt a strange sensation. It began in her toes and traveled to the tips of her fingers. And when it hit her brain, she knew exactly what it was: She felt Christmasy. She was awash in the Christmas spirit. And her quest for Christmas had come to an end at last.
