Marshall Ramsey

Goal weight: 195 lbs.

I coughed and tasted it.  Yuck.  It was bitter taste with a touch of iron.  Blood. I had coughed up a little bit of blood.  I coughed again. Same bloody result.

Damn.

Blood is not a sign of good things. And as a cancer survivor, I immediately went through a Rolodex of possibilities of what could be causing it. I started with the worst and went to the best possible causes. That’s how my mind rolls.

My mind ended up with Gastric Esophageal Reflux Disease, or GERD for short.  I had been diagnosed with it three years ago during all the layoffs at The Clarion-Ledger.  My stomach was producing too much acid for the sphincter (or valve if you’d like) at the top of my stomach to stop the acid from traveling up my throat (and burning it up in the process.)  I had sharp pain, very similar to a heart attack.  Stress was literarily burning me up.  I got scoped to make sure there was no Barrett’s Disease or Esophageal cancer and was put on medication.  I then raised the head of my mattress and started to alter my diet.  I couldn’t do much about the stress — or at least the cause of it.  Over time, I got better.

When I started exercising and losing weight, I really got to feeling better and weened off my medicine — with great results. Until the last few weeks.  Life has a way of catching up with you and now I’m eaten up again.

I called the doctor and got a new prescription.  I will take it and see if I can get my throat to heal.  Part of the reason why I have been having trouble is because I have been drinking copious amounts of tea to keep awake. I’m working 16 hours a day, seven days a week right now and am, no whining I promise, sleepy. But I’ll have to find another way to stay awake. No more tea for me.  I get to go through the mother of all caffeine withdrawals this week — forgive me if I don’t sound excited.

But the elephant in the room is that I’m going to have to make some big, big changes in my life. Not sure what they are, but this ain’t working.  I need to learn to manage my stress better (everyone has stress and I will always have it — you can’t run from it. You learn to run along with it.)

Exercise will be a big part of it.  So will meditation.  Yes, I know that sounds new-agey, but I’ve seen too many positive studies on it.  Cutting back will be part, too.  Saying no more will as well.  And yes, I’ll continue to treat the symptoms with medication.

But I have to attack the root cause: Stress.

I’ve been in a panic since I had my job reduced. I’ve been working my can off since then — which is good, noble and exactly what I should be doing. But I have not handled it well. I need to attack it from a different direction.  Being a cancer survivor should have taught me that — I can’t risk a recurrence of Melanoma.

I’m driving to Corinth today. I’ll be in the car over eight hours for a three-hour radio show.  That’ll give me a lot of time to do some thinking.

The blood was a wake up call. It was my body telling me that there’s more to being “Fit” than just having a thin waistline.

Goal weight: 195 lbs. (OK, I promise I’ll reach this.  The last ten pounds really have not wanted to come off)

I’m going to try hard not to sound like Yoda today.  (Although my writing sometimes is about as jumbled as his syntax.)  We spend most of our lives somewhere other than where we’re at.  See? That sounded too much like Yoda.  But it’s true.  We’re either worrying about the past or thinking about the future.  Our minds wander and we skip across the surface of life like a water bug.  Can you remember much from yesterday?  Last week?  What are your most precious memories? Seriously. Think about them for a moment.  They are the the times when you were most focused on the moment you were in.  I remember my kids being born. Me nearly drowning. My wedding day. Being told by my doctor that I had cancer. Crossing the finish line at the Marine Corps Marathon. The moment I was handed my college diploma. Being made part-time. Finding out I was a Pulitzer Finalist (both times). My sons’ first steps.

Those were moments when I was there. Plugged in. In the moment. Without computer or phone in hand.

I do a lot of thinking when I run.  It’s why I enjoy it so much (on a safe course so I don’t get run over while off in thinkingland) . When I ride my bike, I am focused on riding my bike.  When I run, I think about big picture stuff. Today I thought about trying to be more mindful of being in the moment.  My brain needs to get fit, too.

I’m at the age when I realize how precious time really is. Because in the end, making memories is all we have.

Goal Weight: 195 lbs.

Today’s weight: 198 lbs.

Ran 4.5 miles this morning in the complete dark.  Glad I didn’t fall into a hole!

Paul Lacoste and me

Anyone who knows my backstory knows that the last year and a half have been insane. I lost half my job (and salary), took a second full-time job to keep the house and have picked up several freelance jobs in the process.  To get cheap energy to propel me through the day, I start drinking Cokes. And because I didn’t have the time to workout, I quit exercising.  I went from running a marathon on Halloween 2010 at 195 lbs. to weighing 248 lbs. on Dec. 20, 2011.  I was fat, tired and miserable.  Enter a dare from Patrick House and an amazing bootcamp put on by Paul LaCoste and I lost 45 lbs.  I’m now at over 50 lbs. lost and maintaining it — and as you probably can guess if you’re a regular reader of this blog, you know that exercise has improved my life in many, many other ways as well.

Today’s July 10, 2012.  By August 4, I have to have a children’s book illustrated. And I have another one that I need to be doing concurrently.  I currently work 13 hours a day. And I have a family with three boys who need to see their dad occasionally.  Really not sure how I am going to get everything done in such a short time.

See the potential problem here?  See where I could make the same mistake I made in 2010 and 2011? See how I don’t have enough time to exercise?

I’m not making the same mistake twice. Hell no.  I’m not going back.  I will get up at 4 a.m. and run for an hour five days a week (with a long run on Saturdays of two hours).  I will not drink sodas again. I will not cheat to get cheap energy.

I will fall back on my new habits to propel me through this next month of hard work and will come out of it stronger and more fit than ever.

Why?

The exercise is the only way I have to burn off the incredible stress involved with producing a daily editorial cartoon, radio show and pages for a book.  It helps keep my mind right.  Otherwise the very creativity that brought me to the dance will die.

I’ll never go back to being fat and out of shape.  Never. Not going back there. The next month will be tough. But if you want excellence, you have to demand it from yourself. That’s my challenge. Now to go forth and win.

View from the top of hill #13

Goal Weight: 195 lbs.

Yesterday’s Fit-to-Fat-to-Fit Blog was me paying homage to my frustration.  And to be honest, it bordered on whiney. Today’s will be about me going out and punching that frustration right between the eyes.  Because it takes as much energy to go out and conquer a problem as it does to worry about it.

I woke up thirty minutes early, picked the hardest five-mile route I could find and attacked it with everything I had.  That route, through my neighborhood and into the one next to us, is nothing but one hill after another. Thirteen hills to be exact — including the hardest one for the last quarter mile.

Call it metaphor Monday. Each of those hills represented a one of those challenges I face.  And as I huffed up them as fast as I could, I visualized myself achieving those challenges.  At the top of the hill, I mentally checked off yet another goal.

I kicked the hills’ butts — one at a time.

It was so humid this morning. I was soaked by the time I finished my run.  But I had a sense of satisfaction that is hard to explain.  Maybe it was fatigue. Maybe it was the endorphins. But I feel like I can take on any goal I set.  Just like I conquered the 13 hills this morning.

Have a strong week. Keep moving forward and climbing. Conquer your hills. And relish in the satisfaction of your progress.