Marshall Ramsey

There are two types of Neshoba County Fairs: Dusty or muddy.

This year’s was muddy. And not just because of the political mud being thrown around by vote-hungry politicians. A three-month drought ended in a dramatic fashion earlier in the week.  The low areas flooded and the rest turned into a gooey red mud.  But thanks to the Fair Commission, by the time the politicians started slinging the mud, enough sawdust had been put down to keep the thousands of onlookers from sinking in it.

It’s a statewide election year. That means that there were more speeches and they were more fiery.  The race with the most heat is the Lt. Governor’s race, so Sen. Billy Hewes and Treasurer Tate Reeves’ speeches drew the biggest first-day crowds.  And after their speeches, the crowd moved back to one of the rebuilt cabins (from the fire this spring) and had a question and answer session with WAPT’s Scott Simmons.  The only real news that came from the ten-minute session was the two had to sit next to each other when they attacked each other.  The look on their faces was priceless.

My favorite part? I laughed as I watched the crowd run from the pavilion to the back part of the Fairgrounds. It reminded of me of an after-middle school fight.

The gubernatorial candidates made their final cases for why they should be elected and then Haley Barbour gave his farewell speech.  He seemed as relaxed as I’ve ever seen him out on the Neshoba Fairgrounds.  The public-service finish line is in sight for him.  You have to wonder if he’ll miss it.  I asked former Sec. of State Dick Molpus if he missed the public arena. He said that he did — at least the “being able to affect public policy” part but not the ” attack ads” part.

Tate Reeves had a line in his speech about children leaving the state for  better opportunities (and leaving parents only being able to see their grandchildren at Christmas.)  That was the one theme that I think many of the candidates missed. How do we change this state to where our best and brightest don’t feel like they have to leave for Atlanta, Chicago or New York for a better life.  I’m not sure I heard any good answers.

But then I met Patrick House. Yes, Patrick is the Mississippian who won the reality show “The Biggest Loser” by losing 220 pounds.  And he won more than prize money — he also received a new, better life.  He got fed up with how his life was going and made the hard decision to take action to change it. He then did the work to improve his life and his families.    As I left the Neshoba County Fairgrounds yesterday, I realized the one person who gets what Mississippi needs the most wasn’t even a politician.  It stuck to me like the red mud on my shoes.

Asteroid 1023x headed rapidly toward the Earth. It was a planet killer; an asteroid a little larger than the one that wiped out the dinosaurs. The young, panicked scientist burst through his bosses’ door with his iPad in his hand.

“SIR! YOU HAVE TO SEE THIS!”

His boss, the head of NASA, was busy playing Angry Birds on his phone. He looked up angrily at the young MIT grad and said, “I told you not to bother me.”

“BUT SIR!”

“Oh stop yelling and let me see what you have.” The head of NASA looked at the iPad and then dropped it. “SON OF A PLANET KILLER!”

Word was instantly conveyed to the White House and Congress.

“How long until it hits,” President Obama said looking at the head of NASA.

“Six months.”

“We can’t send Bruce Willis on a Shuttle can we?”

“Um sir, the Shuttles are retired and that was a movie.”

The President looked weary. “This is worse than I thought. We need a new Government program to study this problem.”

“Um sir, why don’t we launch rockets to knock it out?

“OK, but as long as they are paid for by tax hikes on the rich.”

The Chief of Staff Bill Daley came in the room. “Speaker Boehner is on TV.”

The President turned on the TV and watched as the Speaker (sporting a great tan and a green tie) began to speak.

“Dear America. I am Speaker of the whole House and am concerned that the President of the United States will use this asteroid as an excuse for more Government Spending. We will only allow nuclear rockets to be launched if there are equivilant budget cuts and a balanced budget amendment. America has a debt problem.”

The President looked at the TV and said, “We have to respond to him and the Tea Party. How will this affect my chances of re-election?”

“Um sir, if this hits, there won’t be a re-election.”

Gridlock ensued.

For six months, there was a tit-for-tat about how to pay for the rockets that were to be launched at the asteroid. World markets collapsed. The economy went into a Depression. Americans looted stores. Panic ensued. Fox News blamed the President. MSNBC blamed the Republicans. Some talking heads on TV and radio said, “Let the asteroid hit.” But most Americans believed the sign over Times Square that read, “It’s the Asteroid, Stupid.”

It was just as the Mayans had predicted.

A married couple sat in the therapist’s office, talking past each other.  Their marriage completely lacked trust — and they were on the verge of a catastrophic divorce. One that would hurt them and their children badly. Both got on Facebook and Twitter and said bad things about each other.  They made sure the whole world knew the other one was at fault.  They had lied to each other so many times in the past that if one told the other they were on fire, the other would go check a mirror. Each had friends and supporters who were behind them 100%. Both had different agendas and didn’t see eye-to-eye about the mess they were currently in.  They were ready to burn the village to save it.  Too much money was at stake.  And not to mention pride.

The therapist sat in his chair stunned, realizing that the worst was about to happen. It was a train wreck in the making.  He looked at the picture of their kids in his file and felt sorry for them.

Sounds a lot like what’s going on in Washington, doesn’t it?  The debt ceiling deadline is coming up and both sides are talking past each other.. The world’s markets are getting nervous and no solution in sight.  I don’t know if the marriage in D.C. can be healed.  But I pray that they can at least make up long enough to keep the rest of the economy from taking a hit on the chin.